My Uncle Helped Slay A Dragon, And All He Brought Me Was This Stupid Ring
tune: She Hates Me, by Puddle of Mudd

It was lost for two thousand years
Gollum found it, killed his peer
It took all he ever had
no sign of guilt
no feeling of bad, no

In a trapped trip he can't grip
never thought he'd be the one who'd slip
then he started to realize
he was living one big lie

The Ring is evil
whispers: trust
The Ring is evil
whispers: la la la lies
He tried too hard
and It tore his will out like he had none
and ripped it away

I got the Ring, thought It was grand
fell in love, found out first hand
went well for seventeen years
then it became my greatest fear

in a trapp trip I can't grip
never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
then I started to realize
I’m being hunted by a Big Red Eye!

The Ring is evil
whispers: trust
The Ring is evil
whispers: la la la lies
I tried too hard
and It tore my will out like I had none
and ripped it away

This is my story; it is my chore
To take this stupid Ring to Mordor
Toss it in to the Cracks of Doom
Before the Dark Lord lowers the boom

The Ring is evil
whispers: trust
The Ring is evil
whispers: la la la lies
I tried too hard
and It tore my will out like I had none
and ripped it away

la la la la la la la la la lies
whispers: Trust
la la la la la la la la la lies
whispers: Trust
and It tore my mind out like I had none
The Ring is Evil…

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"Hope He doesn't See Me"
(to the tune of Sara B-something's "He Doesn't See Me")

(Frodo)
When I put the Ring on there's a blinding light
Like the fires in the heart of Mt. Doom
And I know it is he who made the Ring
But it's in my keeping
Hope He doesn't see me

When he whispers he bends me to his will
And I feel everything in me cry
There's a power in this Ring that I can't defeat
I haven't the strength
No, I haven't the strength

And the closer we come I can't help but hide
Terrorized by this shadow and voice
O'er his boundaries we passed in spite of the War
But this road I can't seem to cross

(Sam)
He has a way that surrounds him, that's elvish
With a knowledge that came out of fright
He is also so weak, and yet so strong
These things I can see
Cuz He doesn't see me
No, he doesn't see me

(Both)
The whole world we can change
If we just dare to try
But the cracks in the mountain are high

(Frodo)
When he fell to the cracks with a piercing cry
To the fires in the heart of Mt. Doom
And I know that he did what I could not do
Couldn't do it alone
Hope He didn't see me

Now I know He's seen me
Now He'll never see me
No, He'll never see me

---

"Why am I here today?"
(to the tune of "Who'll Stop the Rain" by CCR )

Long as I remember Gandalf's been coming round
Tellin' stories of my uncle and the Ring that he had found
60 years since that day when he stole the Ring away
And I wonder, Still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

The Ring has come to me now. A long story must be told
Of how we came to Mordor. Just watch as it unfolds.
How 9 of us had started out from Rivendell that day.
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

We passed the gates of Moria and the Bridge of Khazad-dum
We lost our leader, Gandalf, to a Balrog; it is true
But we escaped to Lorien. Haldir showed us the way.
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

Galadriel came to me. She said the quest depends on me.
I must destroy the One Ring so that all may still be free.
Cause if I don't destroy it, Sauron will have his way!
But I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

We went out from Lothlorien to the hill of Amon Hen
We got ambushed by Uruks and a bunch of orcs again
Sam and I escaped and left the Fellowship behind
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

Sam and I got lost in the hills of Emyn Muil
We met the creature Gollum who lead us out of those dark hills.
He told us he would show us the way to the Black Gate
But I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

We reached the gates of Mordor but weren't able to get through.
Gollum said there was another secret pathway that he knew.
First a path and some stairs, and then a dark tunnel.
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

While trav'ling through Ithilien we saw some evil men
Marching east to Mordor; we knew the war began
But Faramir and his men brought them all to their knees
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

Faramir did bind us! We were captives of Gondor.
I said I knew his brother. He wanted to know more.
But he knew more than I did. He said that he was dead.
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

Gollum lead us to the path that lead to the stairs
We reached the tunnel entrance; we could smell the putrid air
It was completely dark and damp. We had to fumble on our way.
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

Not far into the darkness Gollum gave us the slip
And if I ever catch him, I'll throw him in a pit
Cause after he had left us, we heard creatures in the dark.
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

I held up the light of Earendil that Galadriel gave to me
We found it wasn't orcs once the light helped us see
What we saw that day will haunt my dreams forever more
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

What we saw in Cirith Ungol shall not be told as lies
The creature that approached us had huge green piercing eyes
We realized that it was the spider called Shelob
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

Sam tried his best to save me but the spider did her deed
She pierced me in the neck and Sam thought that I was dead.
Some orcs came and took me to the Tower of Cirith Ungol
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

When I awoke I found that I was trapped by the orcs.
Where had my poor Samwise got to with our spoons and forks?
But while sitting in the tower, I heard someone rummaging below
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

I looked out of the window and to my great surprise
I saw the happy smile of my dear best friend Samwise
After the greatest struggle we escaped the tower guards
But I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

I won't go into details of how we got this far
How we left the tower that night and how we saw Sauron's men of war
But now we're inside Mount Doom and now I have a choice to make
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

My brain is telling me to destroy the Ring right now
But my heart just won't let me and I just do not know how
So I put the Ring on my finger to help me clear my head
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

Once the Ring was on I felt the weight pull me down
I felt like I was dying, like the way my parents drowned
And then all of a sudden my finger was bitten off
And I wonder, still I wonder
Why'm I here today?

Gollum started dancing wildly, he had claimed the ring again
At first I was so angry, but you should've seen what happened then
Gollum fell into the fire. Couldn't believe tis how it'd end
But I know now, yes I know now
Why I'm here today.

AL1981 takes her guitar off her shoulder and takes one deep breath before passing out on stage
I think I got a little short winded at the end! Whew! I think I need some water!

---

There was a Hobbit

Sung to the tune of the opening song 'Nature Boy' by David Bowie from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack:

There was a Hobbit,
a very strange, enchanted Hobbit
They say he wandered very far, very far,
over land and sea
A little shy, and odd he was
But very wise, was he
And then one day,
one magic day, he passed my way
and while he spoke of many things,
Elves and Kings,
this he said to me:
The greatest thing, I've ever known,
was just to bear, the ring alone

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To the tune of "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be trav'ing on now
'Cause the Grey Havens is where I got to be.

But it I stayed here with you, Sam
Things would never be the same
'Cause the pain's too hard to bear now
And my life you cannot change.
And my life you cannot change.
And my life you cannot change.
You know I can't change.

Bye bye Sam. It's been a sweet life
That we've shared here in the Shire
But please don't look so sad now
We'll be together again in time.

But if I stayed here with you, Sam
Things would never be the same
'Cause the pain's too hard to bear now
And my life you cannot change.
And my life you cannot change.
And my life you cannot change.
You know I can't change.
Sam, you know I can't change.

---

No More Ring
To janis Joplin- Me and Bobby McGee

Started out from Rivendell,
8 friends and a ring,
and it feels about as heavy as my heart.
Boromir went mad for it,
only evil does it bring,
and now i know that we will have to part.

I pulled out the ring,
and put it on my dirty finger,
I disappeared and headed for Emyn Muil.
Sam caught up with me just in time
he put his grubby hand in mine,
his is a friendship that I know is real.

A quest is just another word for when you have to do something,
even, even if you might die in trying,
All alone in the wilderness, two hobbits and a ring,
you know it's taking me and i only feel like crying,
hmmm-mmmm

From the cold Dead Marshes, to the foot of the Black Gate,
yeah Smeagol led the way and he stayed true,
I must trust him still, for he has apart to play,
yes, he will be there when the quest is through.

One Day he led us to our doom, but we just slipped away,
The ring was something he could not overcome,
But I'd hoped he could come back, so I could too someday,
Now I stand here before the cracks of doom.

The ring of Power in my grasp and none to bar the way,
Gollums fate has now become mine too
I could keep it for my very own, till the end of days,
but good Smeagol has helped see our quest through
hmm-mmm
Now Sam and I have nothing left to do.
Ladada, ladadada, ladadadada, ladadadada, no more Ring, mmm-mmm
Ladadadad, ladadadada, ladadadadada, no more Ring -mmm-mmm,
LAdada, Ladadadada, ladadadadada, yeah said Gollum he's got his ring, yeah,
Lawlalawlalalawlala, lalalalawlalalawlalaw, Sam and I are saved upon wings,
yeah, Sam is my gardner, sam is my friend, sam is my servant with me to the end come on, come on Gandalf now, come and save us from here.
we're alone alone alone alone alone alone alone....
Hey, hey, hey, the end of the Ring.... yeah!

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But He’s Still got Curly Hair!
To the Beatles' "I Saw Her Standing There"

Well he was just fifty - one,
Hadn't got a whole lot done,
And the way he looked, he had an Elvish air.
Now he’ll never count with his fingers,
But he’s still got curly hair!

Then he looked at me,
And I, I could see,
That his mind was gone, it was no longer there!
Now he’ll never count with his fingers,
(ooooo)
But he’s still got curly hair!

Well my heart went boom,
When I saw Mount Doom,
And I knew we’d have to climb!

Oh, we climbed the great height,
Then he got into a fight,
Now the Ring is gone, ask me if I really c-are,
Now he’ll never count with his fingers,
(ooooo)
But he’s still got curly hair!

Well my heart went boom,
When I saw Mount Doom,
And I knew we’d have to climb!

Oh, we climbed the great height,
Then he got into a fight,
Now the Ring is gone, ask me if I really c-are,
Now he’ll never count with his fingers,
(ooooo)
But he’s still got curly hair!

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take this ring and burn it
 my apologies to Johnny Paycheck.

Take this ring and burn it,
I can't do this anymore more.
I have no hope left,
And can't remember what i was doin' this for.
You better not to try to stand in my way,
As I'm a walkin' out the door.
Take this ring and burn it,
I can't do this any more.

I've been carrying this burden
For nigh on one whole year.
All this time, I watch my friends,
Drownin' in a pool of tears.
An I've seen a lot of my good friends die,
There was nothin' i could do
I'd give my own life on the spot,
I'd die instead of you.

Take this ring and burn it,
I can't do this any more.
I have no hope left,
An' can't remember what i was doing this for.
You better not to try to stand in my way,
As I'm a walkin' out the door.
Take this ring and burn it,
I can't do this any more.

Take this ring and burn it.

---

For Frodo
To the Beatles (again) "In My Life"


There are places I’ll remember
when my quest is done and my life has changed
though my shoulder has gotten better
Some pain’s gone but some remains.
All these places have their moments
With fellowship friends I still can recall
One is dead, but most are living
In Mordor, I saved them all

But of all these friends and fellows
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lost their meaning
When I had the ring and lost the veil too
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For hobbits and men still in Gondor
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In Mordor, I ended the war.

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For wizards and elves that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about Sam
Eternal life in Valinor
Eternal life in Valinor

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Sam's Memories
to the tune of "I Will Remember (Your Smile)" by Jene

There’s a time somebody comes into your life.
Sometimes there’s a time somebody’s got to leave.
And I know that you can’t stay,
You must sail from havens grey;
But I’ll hold each memory here inside this heart of mine.

I’ll remember your strength,
The way you went the full length,
The way you shouldered the Quest -
I will remember your best.
The nights you spent in my arms,
While I tried to keep you from harm...
After all the tears are all cried,
Frodo, I... I will remember your smile.
I will remember your smile.

Even though my heart is breaking I have no regrets,
Though I’m gonna miss you every moment of my life.
Tried to keep my promise true,
Still it seems like I’ve lost you.
But I’ll always have you here inside this heart of mine.

I’ll remember your light
How you fought the good fight
How you strove to resist -
I will remember all this.
At last you could see the Shire
Though we were drowning in fire.
After all the tears are all cried,
Frodo, I... I will remember your smile.
I will remember your smile.

And the memories will keep me warm
Through the cold nights.
I’ll be all right.
I’ll just think of the healing you have,
And the sad times won’t be that sad.

I know you can’t stay but you’re with me anyway
Cause you’ll always stay inside my heart.

I will remember, I will remember your smile.

How you crawled, how you cried,
How you bled, almost died...

I’m still remembering,
I will remember your smile.

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Hold On

(Sung the tune of Good Charlotte's song "Hold on")
(Sung from Sam to Frodo)

This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, but we do all care
You're mother's gone and your father is too
This pain you cannot bear

But we all bleed the same way as you do
But we don’t have the same things, to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know

Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more

And we all bleed the same way as you do
But we don’t have the same things, to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on

---

( Waitin' ) in the Havens Grey
(aka Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding)

Waitin' in the morning sun,
I`ll be waitin' when the evening come,
Watching the ship sail in,
And I'll sail with it forever away, yeah,
I'm waitin' in the Havens Grey,
Watching the tide roll away, ouh,
I'm just waitin' in the Havens Grey,
Wasting time.

I left my home in the Shire,
Headed for some Valinor Bay,
I have nothing to live for,
Looks like I had better sail away,

So I'm just waitin' in the Havens Grey
Watching the tide roll away,
I'm waitin' in the Havens Grey,
Wasting time

Looks like nothings gonna change,
Everything still remain the same,
I can't heal like my friends want me to do,
So I guess I'll go to Valinor, yes,

Sittin' here resting my bones,
And this ring shadow won't leave me alone, yes,
Two thousand miles I roam
Just to make this dock my home

Now I'm just waitin' in the Havens Grey
Watching the tide roll away, ooh
Waitin' in the Havens Grey
Wasting time

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