Other Drabbles 2
a collection of the Middle-earth themed but non-canonical and/or
humorous drabbles by various fans
Page 1 Page 2 Page 3
Alphabetical by title:
was written, tongue-in-cheek, for Silivren Ithildin's True Love
Watching the sunset from their chambers, Aragorn and Arwen were
enchanted by the beautiful colors displayed before them.
"Oh, the wonderous beauty of the twilight hours," Aragorn mused, "the
beauty I ever see in you, My Love. As orange as your lips, as yellow as
your skin, all streaked with purple like the veins of your legs."
"Losing my makeup case off the balcony could have been a tragedy I
cannot imagine. I am thankful that you still appreciate my true
appearance," Arwen replied hugging Aragorn, "Truly twilight is as
lovely as your own false teeth and toupee."
Behind Enemy Lines – Aragorn in Harad
“Hmmm.” He held the creature in his hand. Never had he seen such an
animal. Was it even an animal? He had seen it moving, out of the corner
of his eye, waddling across the desert sands. Bending to touch it, he
was greatly surprised. It rolled into a little ball, fitting
comfortably in his hand. There was an aura of peace about it. He spoke
to it in Elvish, and, lo and behold, it had unwound itself, looking
into his face. He couldn’t help but smile. Intelligent eyes looked back
at him. At last, he had found a friend!
A Keg Dawn Rises
The light of dawn was golden upon them as the last of their horsemen
drew up to the ridge. Golden as a good light ale, thought Theoden, or
perhaps mead. What would this day hold?
Below them the host of Mordor spread out in a vast blanket upon the
Pelennor. After a long moment had passed the Rohirrim realized they
were already drunken into a stupor, stuck to their blankets with the
sticky remains of s'mores. Were they too late? Would there be no
refreshments for the people of Rohan?
"Ride! Ride now!" cried Theoden. "KEGS!"
"Keeeeggggggs!" they roared.
Calls for Ade!
Upon the battlements and in the streets, Gondorian soldiers lay
exhausted. Mordor's host had been unrelenting and the emergency
stockpiles of marshmallows and graham-crackers were running dangerously
low. They had tried to slake the thirst of Mordor with great vats of
hot cocoa, tossed over the walls, raining down upon the open, slavering
mouths of the enemy. When the cocoa ran out, it was cheap wine. It was
to no avail - unless Rohan brought lemonade, they would be forced to
broach their kegs of fine October ale and waste it upon the massive
undulating beach party just outside their gates.
Suddenly the King cried to Snowmane and the white horse sprang away.
His bright tankard was in his hand, golden as the sun. The Riders
followed him, breaking upon the host of Mordor like a wave of foaming
ale tipped by the hand of Fate when it went groping for the pretzel
dish and missed. The orcs wailed and fled, tripped over their
beach-blankets and poked each other with their marshmallow sticks in
terror. All the host of Rohan burst into song and they sang as they
Catch a wave and you're sitting on
top of the world..
The Pink Oliphant - an adventure in Edoras in 90+ parts
go to 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90
After the Drinking Game Aragorn asked Legolas “Are you drunk?”
“Are you sure?”
“Then why do you have your bow notched with a plunger?”
“There’s a pink oliphant over there that I’m hunting.”
“That’s not a pink oliphant but the Lady Éowyn! And shooting her in the rear will make her angry!”
Suddenly Legolas fired before Aragorn grabbed the bow from him.
“You’re right about Éowyn being angry!” Legolas yelled at the
Ranger’s back who was hard pressed to stay ahead of the plunger waving
Then he wandered off while loudly singing about Éowyn the pink oliphant.
"What happened to your face?" asked Pippin, his head upside-down. He was merely voicing what they were both thinking.
They had been enjoying a quiet bit of Shire-talk on the sunny side of
Meduseld and now all greatly wondered as their fearless former guide
and noble leader scrambled in a most ungainly way underneath their
"Hsst!" he replied and cowered down, quivering like a jelly, apparently trying to be hidden by their waving short feet.
Off to one side, the Lady Eowyn suddenly appeared, fearsome and warlike with a plunger clenched in her hand.
"Ah," said Merry.
3. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Hey, Aragorn," whispered Pippin under the
table, "what exactly did you do to Eowyn to make her chase you with a
"I didn't do a thing except be standing next to Legolas when he
fired that plunger at her bottom!" Aragorn whispered back frantically
trying to remain hidden.
"What on Middle-earth was he thinking?" whispered Merry.
"He thought she was a pink Oliphant!" came the whispered reply.
"Hmmmm..." whispered Pippin, "I bet that is why Legolas is creeping up behind her with another plunger."
"Another plunger?" Aragorn hissed in a panic, the best he could considering his face had been repeatedly plunged already.
Eowyn looked to the right and left, half-crouching as she stalked her
prey yet it appeared she might not be a match for the stealth of an
"I had no idea your nose could be plunged out in a cone like that,"
Pippin commented conversationally. "Though she really ought to do both ears if she's going to be going about plunging people's faces and all that."
"Pippin," chastised Merry, "It isn't polite to criticise unless you're willing to do better."
"But I can't plunge faces like you!"
Now Éowyn failed to notice Legolas sneaking up behind her with yet another plunger to bowstring.
Suffice it to say her screech of indignation woke the dead when her bottom was plunged once again.
Instantly she tackled the drunken elf and soon had him disarmed while
she sat astride his chest which pinned his arms to his sides. “You poor
dear!” she cooed. “Did that nasty Aragorn put you up to this?”
“He said you were a pink oliphant and that I should shoot you or something like that.”
Éowyn’s face turned beet red with anger.
“I’m doomed,” Aragorn whimpered.
was quite amazing," Merry nodded. "Who would've thought anyone could
pull that off? I especially liked the way she threw his bow, hooked it
right on that wooden horse watcha-callum."
"I like the color of her face," Pippin replied, quaffing the last of his ale. "Goes nicely with the plunger."
"Please," muttered Aragorn from his hiding spot, "Don't mention plunger and face in the same sentence."
"I thought he plunged her bottom," Pippin said, slightly baffled. "Didn't he, Merry?"
"He did, but he means his own face."
Pippin hiccuped. "How long will your face look like that, Strider?"
7. (Silivren Ithildin)
"No longer than necessary," said Aragorn getting set to make a run for the door.
As Aragorn shot out from under the table Merry and Pippin innocently
yelled "Bye, Aragorn!" at him thus bringing him to the attention of
"It's a good thing you have such a head start, Aragorn!" Eowyn yelled
as she nimbly leapt to her feet setting off after the fleeing Ranger.
No need to say how relieved Legolas was to be released from his
brief imprisionment. Little did he know that Eowyn gave an order to the
guards to take him into custody............
The two guards hesitated as they considered their charge.
"Why did she say to arrest him?" asked Gamling.
"Something about grunging the bottom," shrugged Hama.
"Grunging the bottom? The bottom of what?"
"How should I know? He's coming our way, quick, you take the left and I'll take the right."
Legolas, happily beginning another song was greatly surprised to
suddenly find he had two large men attached to his arms like
"You are under arrest for grunginess," stated Gamling.
"Grunging," corrected Hama.
"Grunging? What is grunging?" asked Legolas.
"You know...what you did to the bottom," mumbled Hama.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Legolas said before softly hiccupping. “Clearly you two are drunk!”
“Now all we want you to do is come with us quietly,” Hama replied firmly.
Suddenly Legolas began to loudly sing the following:
“Come one, come all
Let’s have a ball
To see who can plunger
That wide target up yonder
And no it isn’t General Grant
But Eowyn the pink oliphant!”
Instantly Gamling clapped his hand over the elf’s mouth. Then they
quickly hauled him off to a cell below the hall and locked him in
“Party poops,” Legolas muttered.
10. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Man," said Hama to Gamling, "I sure hope Eowyn
doesn't hear about that song the Elf was singing. If she does I am not
too sure if he will ever get out of here."
"He must be drunk," replied Gamling, "at least I hope so."
In the meantime Aragorn was trying to talk his way out of the tree he
had climbed into to avoid Eowyn. "Honestly," he said, "I tried to talk
Legolas out of shooting you with the plunger! He got drunk during the
drinking contest he and Gimli had that he thought you were a pink
"Oh," replied Eowyn scoffingly, "like that would ever happen! Don't
you know that Elves don't get drunk! You are just trying to talk your
way out of being in trouble! Why don't you come back down here and take
your punishment like a man?!"
"Oy," said Pippin, shielding his eyes from the
sun. "No wonder they called him Longshanks. Look at him run, Merry! He
can really kick up the turf."
Merry nodded. "I don't think I've ever seen him put on speed like
that, not even when that Balrog-thing was after us. I'll wager you one
pipe of pipeweed that he can't outrun her, though."
"You're on," Pippin said. "I think he will. She's got skirts and
stuff you know, more wind-resistance. Wait. You have pipeweed? Where is
"Ha, look at that. Told you she'd catch him; she's taking a short-cut."
Now that he was confined to a cell there wasn’t much Legolas could do but to sing as loud as he could.
“Where oh where has my oliphant gone?
Where oh where could Éowyn be?
With her pinkish hide
On a bod a mile wide
Where or where could Éowyn be?”
Hama grimaced. “He’s definitely drunk.”
“I thought elves never got drunk,” Gamling said.
“One hundred pink oliphants in the hall,
One hundred pink oliphants,
Plunge one rear and name it Éowyn,
Ninety-nine pink oliphants in the hall!”
“Oh no not that song!” both Gamling and Hama moaned in unison.
"Never seen a Big Person go up a tree like
that," nodded Pippin approvingly. "He must have learned it from those
Elves. You'll owe me a pipe soon."
"She'll get him yet," Merry stated confidently. "You'll note she
hasn't let go of that plunger and she's circling the trunk so fast, he
won't escape her."
"Speaking of Elves, where did Legolas go?"
"I wasn't speaking of Elves, you were. He must be all right, I can hear him singing."
"So can I. 'Cept it seems to be coming from that little barred window over there. Why is he down there?"
14. (Silivren Ithildin)
Aragorn was getting a tad bit nervous.
Wondering how bad it would be if Eowyn got ahold of him with the
plunger all he had to do was look at his nose and he became very
resolute in his decision to not come down out of the tree.
"I'm telling you," he said to Eowyn, "Legolas did get drunk and he is
still drunk! If you listen you will hear him singing. Pay attention to
the words, does that sound like a sober Elf???"
"Man!" Eowyn exclaimed, "you will try anything to blame this on Legolas, won't you?"
"No," Aragorn replied starting to get irritated with her stubborn
refusal to believe him, "listen!!! I hear him easily. You just want to
be mad at me. Pay attention and you will see I am being honest with you!"
Stopping for a minute, Eowyn did listen. What she heard had her rethinking her knowledge of Elves......
Meanwhile Legolas had found a dry place to sit
on the floor up against the cell’s back wall. Then he continued to
“Home, home on the range!
Where the plungers and the pink Éowyn oliphants play!
Where seldom is heard
“Darn I missed her big pink rear!
And the guys are never bored all day!”
“Don’t you think we should do something to quiet him down? Those songs of his are getting worse!” Gamling said.
“Here now you stop those silly songs this instant!” Hama ordered.
“Rain, rain go away!
So we can plunger Éowyn the pink oliphant today!”
"Hullo. I say," Pippin offered through the little barred window. "Why are you down there, Legolas?
The Elf looked up at him quizzically. "Plungin', plungin' plungin', keep oliphants plungin', rawhiiiide!"
he responded in his musical way, then hiccupped. Concentrating greatly,
he furrowed his lovely brow and proceeded to musically hiccup the same
tune. "She was pink," he concluded with a stately nod.
Pippin looked up at Merry. "I think there's been a
misunderstandin'. I think it was Legolas that plunged the Lady, not
"What?" Merry said. "Do you think we should rescue him then?"
"Who? Legolas or Strider?"
Meanwhile Éowyn’s first reaction was to go and plunger Legolas in the
face. But she realized that it was the drink that was making the elf
behave this way and not his true nature.
“Alright Aragorn I’m letting you off the hook. And since Legolas is
your friend I’m ordering you to make him stop singing!” she said while
she looked up at the man who was still in the tree. “Fail and I will
plunger you again!”
Now Aragorn quickly agreed to Éowyn’s order and promptly fell out of the tree in his eagerness to go and prove it.
18. (Silivren Ithildin)
Running quickly to stop Legolas, Aragorn only
had to follow the sound of his friend's drunk singing. Coming to the
door of the cell Legolas was being held in Aragorn asked Hama and
Gamling if he could enter to talk with the Elf.
"Please do!" replied a bemused Hama, "we are afeared for his life
with those awful songs he is coming up with. The Lady Eowyn is not
going to be happy with him."
"No," answered Aragorn, "she most definitely is NOT!"
Entering the darkish cell, Aragorn had to smile at his friend laying on
the bed with his arm over his eyes singing away with whatever song hit
him at the time.
"Please, please, please quit that awful singing, mellon nin,"
Aragorn asked, "I really do not want Eowyn plunging my face again!"
"What?" asked a sloshed Legolas, "you have seen the pink Oliphant?
Where is she? What happened to my bow and plunger? I must find them and
take care of the fearsome beast!"
"Legolas," replied a snickering Ranger, "Eowyn is most assuredly NOT a
pink Oliphant! She is a lady who is most displeased with you and your
antics! I can get you out of this cell if you will please just quit
singing and trying to shoot Eowyn!"
"Well," said Legolas...........
"Hey, hullo!" interrupted Pippin from up by the
window. He looked back over his shoulder. "Merry, now Strider is down
in there with 'im!"
"Sorry, I was refilling my ale. What happened while I was gone?"
"Strider! He's down in the cellar all locked up with Legolas!"
"Wait," Aragorn began to correct. "I'm not..." The hobbits were not listening.
"What?! She's locked him up too? Maybe this is some sort of terrible plot. We better go get Gimli and Gandalf quick!"
They pelted for the main door, dodging with small squeaks of alarm away from the returning Lady.
“Well,” said Legolas before he gave Aragorn a puzzled look. “You’re locked in here with me?”
“No I’m not. Merry and Pippin have it all wrong.”
“But you’re here.”
“You want me to stop my singing so you can do it all yourself!” Legolas said in a hurt tone of voice while he pouted handsomely.
“No! You’ve got it wrong too!”
“Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Éowyn is so an oliphant,
And a pretty pink one too!”
Then Legolas stuck his tongue out at Aragorn who groaned.
“Hush now or Éowyn will hear you!” he pleaded desperately.
"Gimli! Gimli!" said Pippin, urgently shaking
the Dwarf's shoulder. It had taken them some time to locate him, hidden
as he was underneath one of the wooden tables within a mound of empty
"Mmrbburblglrg," Gimli responded without opening his eyes. "Kzdgblurgle."
"D'ye think it's Dwarvish?" Pippin asked.
"I think it's Drunkish," snorted Merry. "He'll be of no use to us anytime soon. We need to find out where Gandalf went."
"Maybe the Lady Eowyn locked him up too."
"Gandalf? The day someone locks him up, I'll eat my hat."
"What about Saruman? Didn't he?"
22. (Silivren Ithildin)
Aragorn was quickly losing hope that he could get Legolas to be quiet.
"I wonder if Gandalf knows any treatments for a drunk Elf," Aragorn
mused quietly to himself, "I am getting a bit desperate. I hope Eowyn
went somewhere she couldn't hear this minstrel."
"No such luck, Aragorn," Eowyn said angrily right outside the cell
door, "I suggest you come up with some way to keep that Elf quiet
unless you want to end up stuck in here too until he sobers up!"
"Oh, great," mumbled Aragorn while searching in his bag of medicinal herbs. "I wonder if Athelas will bring him round........"
Meanwhile many miles away Frodo stopped so suddenly that Sam walked into his back and knocked them both down.
“I’m so sorry Mr. Frodo!” he quickly apologized while helping his friend up.
“That’s alright Sam. It was my fault for stopping like I did.”
“So why did you stop?”
“Sam I thought I heard in the wind Legolas faintly singing about a pink oliphant named Éowyn.”
“Mr. Frodo I think it’s time we look for some shade. You’ve been out in the sun too long.”
Frodo sighed. “You’re probably right Sam.”
“Of course I am!” Sam said with a smile.
"Are you sure you left all your hats at home?" Pippin asked. "Because I don't see Gandalf anywhere."
"Yes, and I'll take a raincheck, all right? I'll eat my hat the minute
I get back to Brandy Hall. Speaking of brandy, do you think they have
any strong spirits here? Something like that might make Legolas see oliphants. My da swore our herd of sheep had all flown off like geese after he downed a few of those."
"And did they?"
"Fly off? Well, yes and no. They were geese."
"Maybe old Gandalf is under the tables too. Let's look."
25. (Silivren Ithildin)
Muttering to himself, Aragorn brought some
Athelas out of his pouch and going over to Legolas he worked some of
his healing with the herb/weed to find out that it wasn't such a good
idea after all. Instead of sobering up the Elf all it did was make a
very awake drunk Elf who went back to singing about Eowyn, the Pink
Bowing his head and covering his face with his hands Aragorn tried
to get Merry and Pippin's attention to get them to go find Gandalf for
him. To his disappointment all they seemed to be doing was trying to
find a hat. Finally Aragorn heard them say something about looking for
Gandalf under the table. Not really figuring they would actually find
him there, he was just happy they were going to look for him.
In the meantime, Hama, Gamling and Eowyn were all taking bets on
weither or not Aragorn was going to get Legolas to be quiet and the
odds were not working out to be in Aragorn's favor........
“Plunger, plunger, plunger Éowyn
On her wide pink rear!
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
I could use some beer!”
Gandalf grimaced while he sat outside the Golden Hall smoking his pipe.
Now Legolas was a fine singer but his lyrics left a lot to be desired.
“Gandalf you’ve got to help stop Legolas!” Pippen said when he and Merry finally found him.
“I’m afraid that’s beyond my skill.”
“You’re joking right?” asked Merry.
“No I’m quite serious. However I’ve heard of an old wives tale that
warm cocoa has a way of making elves sleepy. Perhaps that will work,”
"Warm cocoa? Do they have cocoa out here on the windy steppes?" asked Merry.
"Oh no, it would be in the kitchen," Pippin said. "It's worth a try.
Maybe we can even find some whipped cream and sprinkles to go with it.
I bet Elves like sprinkles, I know I do."
They all winced as Legolas hit an exceptionally high note, abruptly muffled by Aragorn's desperate wad of cloak.
"We better get on it right away, an extra-strong cocoa!" Merry said. "Lead the way, Pip!"
"Bring me some too, after you've silenced that fool of an Elf," Gandalf said. "With cinnamon."\
28. (Silivren Ithildin)
Aragorn was getting quite, quite desperate as
Legolas just continued to make up horrible songs and singing the high
notes really off key. His ears were starting to hurt. The only way he
could figure out to stop him was to stuff part of his cloak in Legolas'
Needless to say, this did not go over well with the Elf. Even drunk he
considered this an attack upon his person. Yanking out the cloth he had
a spell of coughing as Aragorn's cloak was getting a bit ripe.
"How dare you?!" Legolas demanded, "I was in the middle of my song
when you shoved that horrible cloak in my mouth. How about you wash
that thing? Now, if you don't mind, I am going to go back to my song."
Aragorn couldn't see how he was ever going to get Legolas sober.
Hearing little running feet out in the hallway, Aragorn was
surprised to see Pippin and Merry come running in with Hot Cocoa in
their hands, and with sprinkles no less.
"Here, Aragorn," panted Pippin, "Gandalf said to give this to Legolas as it may make him go to sleep."
"It's worth trying," Aragorn said, "I am getting nowhere with him. See if one of you can get him to drink it..........
“Look what I brought you Legolas! It’s a nice mug of warm cocoa!” Pippen said while he held it towards the elf.
“Don’t want it.”
“But it has whipped cream on it!”
“I still don’t want it.”
“But look at all the sprinkles!”
“Yes lots and lots of sprinkles!”
“Are they elvish sprinkles? They’re the best you know.”
“Yes they are!” Pippen lied since he had no idea where the sprinkles came from.
“Then I think you should taste them first.”
“No I made this for you.”
“But I insist!”
“Just drink it!” Aragorn pleaded.
“No,” Legolas said stubbornly.
Merry looked up at the bemused guards. "You
don't mind, do you? That we've brought the prisoner cocoa? It's a bit
of a luxury."
"Anything to make this stop," whined Hama. Gamling didn't respond
as he hadn't heard, his fingers being buried in his ears as far as they
"We can bring you some next," Merry said politely. They watched
curiously as Pippin attempted to pour some cocoa into Legolas' mouth
with limited success.
"Eowyyyyn, the piiiiink glglgglaggglalalalaggg..." he sang and gargled.
"This isn't workin'!" Pippin said. "How can we get it into him if he won't stop singin'?"
31. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Maybe he might quit if I offer to sing for him while he drinks his cocoa," Aragorn said.
"Try it," whispered Merry.
"Hey, Legolas," Aragorn said over the singing Elf, "how about you drink
your chocolate while I sing for you. I sure would hate you to miss out
on the elvish sprinkles!"
"Would you really?" Legolas asked suspiciously, "about Eowyn the pink oliphant?"
"Yes, really," Aragorn assured him.
"Ok," Legolas said, "have at it and make it good!"
"Here goes," Aragorn said while watching to make sure he was drinking the cocoa, "Eowyn, Eowyn,
Eowyn the pink Oliphant,
with the big wide rear,
Merrily, merrily, merrily
we plunger the sweet dear."
"Again!" demanded the still awake and drunk Elf, "with feeling!".......
“Sam I smell warm cocoa with whipped cream and elvish sprinkles.”
“Just a few more steps Mr. Frodo and we’ll be in the nice cool shade.”
Meanwhile Aragorn had to sing the same song three times before Legolas
was satisfied with the Ranger’s rendition. By then the cocoa was
starting to make the elf drowsy.
“Eowyyyyn…the…piiiinnnnkkkk…” he softly mumbled before falling over onto the bunk fast asleep.
“Finally!” Aragorn sighed in relief.
Outside the cell Éowyn also sighed in relief while Hama helped Gamling get his stuck fingers out of his ears.
Then Legolas began to sing in his sleep...
O there was a Dwarf all short and strong,
He sang as he marched, as he marched along,
And pink was the sky as it fin'ly daaaaaawned,
Over th' big Cram Mountain..."
Gimli sang as he stirred among his empty tankards. "All t'gether now....
I'll bet you a di'mond, a keg and a dram,
That compared to you, I eat more cram,
I'll eat and eat without a faaaaail,
Then we swig another round of ale... Hey Hey!"
He reached out and poked an empty keg beside him. "I don' hear you...
You beardless Elf-thing, you always sing... don' just sit there all
34. (Silivren Ithildin)
Gandalf just sat and shook his head wondering
what Middle-earth was coming to with drunken Elves and people and
Hobbits running all over having cows.
"Brother!" sighed the Wizard, "what next?"
As soon as the words were out of his mouth he heard a drunken Dwarf start up singing.
"Oh, good grief," said an exasperated Gandalf, "I had to ask, didn't I?....
A modest herd of milk-cows normally kept by the
kitchens wandered into the Hall and out onto the porch, apparently
driven to breaking their gate-latch by the onslaught of high-pitched
Gimli snorted as he opened one eye to see an udder swinging overhead.
"Leg'las, you keep singin' laddie while I stop and ponder this."
Out on the steps, a brown spotted one attempted to eat Gandalf's unruly white hair.
"Oy," said Pippin, pointing up the stairs from below. "The cream for the cocoa, it's gettin' away!"
Eowyn groaned. "Guards! Go get the cows, I'll deal with this prisoner myself."
Ironically when Éowyn was little King Théoden
had given her the stuffed pink oliphant he had won at the fair after
knocking over a pyramid of milk bottles with a plunger. So she quickly
dug it out of her closet and once back in the cell she gently placed it
under one of the sleeping elf’s arms.
“Éowyn the pink oliphant is sleepy too after being plungered in the rear. But she can’t rest if you keep singing.”
Instantly Legolas grew quiet while he snuggled the stuffed oliphant closer to him.
“Sorry…” he mumbled sleepily before he dropped off again.
"That's adorable," Merry smiled. "You wouldn't happen to have another one, would you?"
Aragorn wiped his brow with relief. "You truly are a wonder, m'lady. I
better search his quivver and be sure he doesn't have more plungers
hidden away, just in case. Otherwise, who knows who he might plunger
"I apologize for plungering your face," Eowyn mumbled.
"Does this mean our bet is off, Merry?" Pippin asked from the doorway.
"About eating my hat?"
"No, about you owing me a pipe!"
"Tell you what; you forgive my eating my hat and I'll share some of my pipeweed with you."
38. (Silivren Ithildin)
The peace and quiet happily returned to Edoras
once the cows had been rounded up and replaced in their pen off the
kitchens. Gandalf returned to his pipe smoking and Merry along with
Pippin joined him with much glee in their wee little faces. Eowyn went
to her private chambers and sat down wondering if she might be able to
procure another stuffed pink oliphant for the Hobbits at the fair that
was being held the following weekend. Aragorn wondered off blindly just
extremely pleased that the whole sordid affair was over and that
Legolas was finally not singing. Gimli fell asleep himself and Legolas
slept for an entire day. Frodo and Sam were able to continue on their
way in peace. Well, there was peace and quiet until........
Addendum on the side: (Primula)
Far off in Barad Dur, the Dark Lord Sauron
grumbled as he directed the plunging of his Dark mud-sinks...again. The
minions squeaked as they worked the plunger up and down. Sauron had to
admit the plumbing on such a large edifice as his tower was lacking in
oomph, especially on the upper floors. His Eye glowered.
Far off in Edoras all plungers had been hidden. Pippin tossed and
turned, drawn to the palantir Gandalf had tucked in his arm. Finally he
got to his feet to peek at it.... but all he beheld was a great, black,
Meanwhile Legolas woke up and looked about
groggily. He had no memory of the Drinking Game and the mayhem he had
Or why he was holding onto a stuffed pink oliphant either.
What he did know was that he had a monstrous hangover and wished it gone.
“Sorry but you have to stay in there,” Hama said after he had
requested he be let out of the cell. “Éowyn doesn’t want you doing any
more plungering on her rear.”
“I would never do such a thing!”
Hama and Gamling’s guffawing gave Legolas an uneasy feeling that maybe something had happened.
Gimli snorted awake underneath the table of the
Great Hall and realized all was dark and still. He had little
recollection of what had happened the previous afternoon or evening
except for a disturbing flashback of a cow's udder swinging over his
He crawled up out of the pile of empty mugs with a clatter,
stretched, scratched, belched and looked around blankly for his
compatriot, the Elf.
"Legolas!" he loudly whispered into the shadowy hall. "Where the dickens have you got to, you lanky bow-twanger? Legolas!"
He stirred the pile of mugs with his booted foot. No Elf. Huh.
41. (Silivren Ithildin)
Aragorn yawned awake and was immediately
smiling. The memory of Legolas finally being quiet was gloriously
uplifting to him and his morning. As well as the memory of Eowyn saying
she would no longer plunger his face! Feeling his nose he was so happy
to find that it was back to it's original size and shape!
Getting up and getting dressed Aragorn decided he would leave Legolas
alone and go outside to get some fresh air after all the stale air he
had to breathe in the cell with Legolas the previous evening. Stepping
out into the beautiful, sunshining day he breathed deeply and went off
to the stable to find Brego for a morning ride.........
42. ( Eruvanne)
Eowyn wearily opened her eyes. She roused herself and went to see if
her prisoner had become sober. Preparing for the worst, she carried a
plunger. When she came to the prison door, she was surprised to see her
two wardens laughing hysterically.
“Have you two gone and drunk whatever Legolas had?”
“Not at all, ma’am,” gasped Gamling.
“He claims that he never shot you at all and would never do such a thing,” Hama answered between fits of laughter.
“Oh, the nerve!” fumed Eowyn and promptly walked over to where Legolas stood against the bars and plungered his face.
Legolas let out loud shriek of dismay when Éowyn quickly plungered his
face although the last part was muffled until the angry woman pulled
the plunger away. Fortunately elvish flesh was immune to being
stretched out by plungers but not from the pain of such a process which
left the elf softly whimpering.
Now upstairs Gimli heard the shriek and he followed its echoes till he was standing next to Éowyn.
“Have ye gone mad?!” he bellowed at her while readying his axe.
“This lanky bow-twanger is my friend and you won’t get away with
plungering him like that again!”
"...At least not until I've had my turn first!" he concluded, snatching the plunger from the Lady's hand.
He turned to face the Elf, waving it in a pink rubbery circle. "Stand
up to yer plungin' like a Dwarf, now, no cringing and whimpering. En
Legolas truly thought he must be going mad, between the guards, the
accusations, the Lady and now his bearded compatriot preparing to take
Gimli turned his back to Eowyn and gave Legolas a broad wink. "Grrrr!" he said. "You'll never outrun me, or get past!" The plunger blooped him in the chest.
44. (Silivren Ithildin)
Taking the hint, Legolas darted past the Dwarf and left the guards at
the door bewildered as all they saw was a blur as the Elf ran past
"Here, now!" yelled Gamling in embarrassment at having been caught unprepared.
"Were did he go?" asked a confused Eowyn.
"That confounded Elf is going to get it when I catch up with him,"
roared a contented Dwarf in mock indignation, "you don't mind if I keep
the plunger for when I get him, do you Lady Eowyn???"
"Not at all," Eowyn replied hoping the Dwarf would get the Elf quite plungered........
Meanwhile Legolas kept running and since he was intent on not being
plungered again he didn’t realize he was still holding the stuffed pink
oliphant under one arm. And as he ran out of the Golden Hall’s main
doorway he ran past Éomer who instantly recognized the toy and
mistakenly thought the elf was stealing it.
“Stop that thief!” he bellowed while Legolas ran for the stables.
Once inside he dove into a huge pile of fresh hay and burrowed all the
way to its middle while Aragorn watched.
“Here we go again,” the Ranger groaned while Brego kissed him.
46. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Hey, Legolas," Aragorn said, "are you in trouble again???"
"Shhh," came the reply from the middle of the hay.
Running into the stables, Eomer skidded to a halt by the Ranger. "Did
you see an Elf with a stuffed pink Oliphant came in here?" Eomer
questioned the bemused Aragorn.
"You mean the stuffed Oliphant that Eowyn gave to Legolas last
night to help shut him up?" pondered the Ranger trying very hard to
keep from laughing too hard.
"Yeah, that....oh, I hadn't realized that Eowyn gave it to him,"
muttered a very embarrassed Eomer, "well I'll just go now.........."
Merry and Pippin, having had a relatively
sleepless night, awoke late in the morning. Coming out of the kitchen
with heavy trays filled with breakfasts (first and second) they were
just settling at a table to tuck in when they spotted Gimli coming up
the stairs, whistling and swinging a plunger.
"Oh no, now Gimli is plungerin'...how can we stop 'im?" wondered Pippin
with great concern. "If both he and Legolas are at it, the Lady's
sittin' spot is in dire danger."
"I don't know, Pip," Merry frowned. "We may need to find help, or at least some plungers."
48. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Ok, Legolas," said Aragorn while rubbing down Brego, "Eomer has left."
Slowly emerging from the hay stack, Legolas carefully looked around to
confirm that Aragorn and the horses were the only ones in the stable
"Has everyone gone completely insane this morning?" Legolas asked.
"What is this talk of plungers and pink Oliphants that I am hearing
about? And what would they have to do with me?"
"Well, to begin with, mellon nin, you got drunk last night and started shooting plungers at Eowyn with your bow.........."
As Aragorn continued with the incredible story, Legolas turned deep red.........
"I found one," Merry called, crawling out from underneath a mud-sink behind the kitchens, "but it's a bit old."
"I can do better than that. Come see! I've found a whole cupboard of 'em!" Pippin replied.
The two of them stood and considered the healthy pile of clean reserve
plungers. "Hm. The plumbing on this hill must be quite a challenge,"
Merry commented. "Well, no time like the present! En garde!"
The two of them each selected a short plunger and tucked a reserve in their belts, just in case.
"Now, to the defense of the Lady!"
"For the Shire!"
“What you say just can’t be true!” Legolas
exclaimed loudly in dismay after Aragorn had finished telling him the
incredible story pertaining to his drunken behavior.
“I’m afraid it is.”
“But I’m an elf! I can’t get drunk!”
Then for the first time Legolas noticed the pink stuffed oliphant
he still held under one arm. Quickly he dropped it onto the hay and
backed away from it. “No…I didn’t plunger Éowyn’s rear!” he said
obviously in total denial.
Aragorn patted Legolas reassuringly on the shoulder. “Well it’s all in the past now and I doubt more will come of it.”
Up above the stables, Gimli gave a pleasant nod
to Eowyn as the two of them paused to survey the morning. Their brief
moment of peaceful coexistence was abruptly broken by two high-pitched
hobbit voices raised in warlike challenge.
"Away! Away! Bucklaaand!" hollered Merry, plunging Gimli's armored
hind-end to the best of his ability, which was considerable. The
astonished Dwarf then staggered back as Pippin's well-aimed plunger
engulfed most of his face. He went down under two hobbits before an
amazed and speechless Lady.
"You'll thank us for this later," Pippin said, plunging Gimli's nose, "after you sober up."
52. (Silivren Ithildin)
Gandalf had been enjoying a moment of peace
surveying Edoras on the front steps of Meduseld when he heard a strange
disturbance coming from above the stables.
"Getting hard to enjoy a pipeful of Longbottom Leaf around here," he
grumbled. "I wonder what is going on now! Not bad enough Eomer was
running around yelling about catching a thief with a pink Oliphant, now
it sounds like the Hobbits are up to something. Fool of a Took! I hope
I don't have to knock some heads together this morning!"
Meanwhile Eowyn was trying hard not to fall over from laughing..........
Meanwhile Aragorn had decided to forgo riding
Brego and instead went with Legolas back to the Golden Hall's front
steps where they found Gandalf smoking his pipe. And it was then that
they heard the sound of the Merry and Pippin eagerly plungering Gimli
while Éowyn laughed hysterically.
“Okay so maybe the plungering hasn’t stopped yet,” Aragorn said
lamely while a groaning Legolas sank down next to Gandalf his face in
Suddenly the wizard whacked the elf hard on the head with the bowl
of his pipe. “Now don’t you go and start your caterwauling!” he said
"Kaaah-plooka What kaah-plooka do kah-plook you plooka-plooka think kah-PLOOK you're doing?!" garbled Gimli, flailing at the handles of the offending plungers.
"Hey!" Pippin protested as his unusual weapon was snatched away. The
Dwarf reversed it and began rapidly walloping the Took on the noggin
with the rubber end as Merry plunged ineffectually at the top of his
"Ow ow ow! Run, m'Lady! (poing poing poing)" Pippin shouted valiantly. "Merry, help! (poing poing poing)
"I've got 'im," Merry cried, "Wait, no I don't!"
Gimli clambered to his feet, shedding hobbits as he did so, never missing a beat with Pippin's plunger.
55. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Let's go," Gandalf said. "It's time to stop this ridiculous behavior!"
Walking up on the Hobbits plungering and being plungered by Gimli,
Aragorn and Legolas grabbed one Hobbit each in their arms and seperated
Yelling "STOP that right now!" Gandalf managed to get all involved to quit struggling.
Of course that then started the inevitable grumbling and whining about who had been doing what and why it had even began.
"I don't care who did what or why!" inserted Gandalf, "all I do know is
that this stops right here, right now! Everyone hand over their
Having had his peaceful morning interrupted, Gandalf was irked. As
those with plungers seemed reluctant to hand them over, he lost his
patience. He gave his stick three sharp nocks on the ground, and
muttered quietly. With a puff of smoke, the plungers vanished. Feeling
rather pleased with this solution, he was about to return to his pipe
when he noticed a generic looking guard approaching.
"Excuse me, my lords and lady," the bowing man said, "but, I was told
you know where to find the plungers. Someone flushed paper towels down
the main ladies privy on the third floor."
"Oh no, not again..." said Eowyn, paler than ever. "I refuse to go anywhere near that septic system... the last time it took me three jugs of bleach to get all my clothing white again."
"But, the plungers...?" the guard wondered.
"They're temporarily unavailable," she said, looking hard at Gandalf
who wouldn't meet her gaze. "We shall have to call for the Rohan
Rooter. Send a messenger to the village and have the Rohan Rooter come
immediately, tell him it's an emergency...and have him bring along any
extra plungers he might have."
"As you say," bowed the confused guard.
Then Éowyn glared at Legolas. “When the Rohan Rooter gets here with those plungers will you behave yourself?”
“Of course! It…it was my adopted brother Adulas who caused all the trouble last night!”
Suddenly another male elf that could be Legolas’s identical twin slowly
limped over to him. “Now don’t you go and blame your drunkenness on me!
I’ve been laid up with this sprained ankle which I got after stepping
on the soap on the rope you left lying on the bathroom floor!”
“Looks like someone is in serious denial,” Pippin whispered to Merry.
“Totally,” Merry whispered back.
59. (Silivren Ithildin)
"As I've said," grumbled Gandalf, "I don't care who started what, when, where or for what reason, it stops NOW! When the extra plungers get here you had all better leave them alone or I WILL be turning you into something unnatural, and, you won't like it! Do I make myself perfectly clear to all of you???
"Yes, sir," shouted all in the vicinity snapping to attention and saluting sharply. "No plungering, sir!"
"That's right!" agreed Gandalf, "No plungering, with the exception of
Rohan Rooter! Now, if you all could keep quiet for a while, I will
finish my pipe."
"What's he goin' to do?" whispered Pippin.
"Finish his pipe," Merry whispered back. "It's a long and honorable
tradition. The first time a pipe was finished was back in 1071, once
the Southern Star variety of pipe-weed had been discovered and properly
dried. Methods of drying were being explored back then; they hadn't
found the right one yet, and the first batches hadn't the right tang to
them to bring the true, full experience of the flavor. While Old Toby
adherents argue the case to this day, it really was Southern Star that
made it all the way through a pipe first..."
Now Gimli had been listening in on the hobbits.
Then he snorted. “You have it all wrong young master hobbit. Old Toby
was the first to make it all the way through,” he said confidently.
Meanwhile Legolas was whispering apologetically to Adulas while he helped his brother over to a nearby bench.
“Hey wait a minute! How can you be here Adulas? I thought you don’t show up till after the war,” Aragorn asked.
“Normally I would have but Din needed my help to overcome her
writer’s block so I was issued a temporary pass under the poetic
"Will you be quiet!" Gandalf repeated, though no one was listening to him anymore.
"No one listens to me either," commiserated Gumbalth.
Gandalf looked up at the newly arrived wizard all clad in mauve.
"What...? Who invited my twin brother here?!" He looked around
Everyone shrugged innocently, whistling.
"I thought I lost you back at the Valor Marina," grumbled Gandalf under his breath.
Gumbalth seated himself on the steps, unperturbed.
"It was a good try, but here I am. See?" He rummaged in his robe and
produced a tattered piece of yellowed paper. "I have a poetic license."
63. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Poetic License?" Pippin muttered, "what on Middle-earth is that? Does anyone else here have one?"
"I do," said an Elf standing in the background, "Hi! I am Silivren
Ithildin and I have a Poetic License right here too," she said waving a
piece of paper. "I hope I don't have to use it, but, you never know, it
really can turn out to be very useful."
"Well, isn't that great?" asked Merry, "Everyone but us seem to have one, Pip. Where were we when they were being passed out?"
"Probably in Farmer Maggot's crops rummaging for food," muttered Aragorn chuckling.
"Aye," Gimli said. "I don't have one either."
"Of course ye don't, I
do," growled Gumli, a fat dwarf who tromped up the steps and stood
beside him slightly out of breath. He handed his axe to the dumbfounded
Gimli and pulled a bit of paper from a small pouch at his belt. After
unfolding it several times he too was able to display a Poetic License.
Gumli took his axe back and considered Gimli. "You're a long ways
from home. By the time I reached Rivendell you were gone, so I've had
to waddle all this way. You've lost weight."
Meanwhile Éowyn was watching the family
reunions playing out before her with a smile of amusement. “At least my
rear is now safe from plungering,” she said softly to herself. Then she
let out a loud squeak of indignation when that part of her was hit with
a plunger! Whirling around she thought she caught a glimpse of Grima
ducking behind a column but she wasn’t sure.
“Look Merry! The plunger has stuck to Éowyn!”
“Hush Pippin! I’m sure she’s well aware of that!”
“But what’s that white stuff oozing out from under it Merry?”
“I think that’s glue Pippin.”
66. (Silivren Ithildin)
"That is it!" Eowyn mumbled to herself, "I am
going to my quarters, setting a guard outside the doors, and I am going
to lay down until my headache has gone away and everyone here is
gone!!!" Plucking the sticky plunger from her bottom Eowyn tromped off
while yelling at her guards to come with her.
"Uh-oh," said Aragorn, "I think we have overstayed our welcome with the Lady Eowyn."
"I am so sorry, everyone," Legolas said while hanging his head in shame,
"this all started with me getting drunk. I think I had best be heading back to Mirkwood."
"Eh? What's that?" Gandalf and Gumbalth said in unison. Gandalf glared at his twin who wisely shut his mouth.
"You can't be leaving, you fool Elf. Why if we wait just a few more
drabbles, I expect we'll have enough poetic license to construct an
entire second Fellowship, minus Boromir of course. At least I hope so."
"What's wrong with getting drunk?" Gumli asked Gimli. Both dwarves shrugged in confusion.
"Do you think there'll be another Eowyn?" Aragorn wondered, undecided if he liked the idea or not.
"An' if there is, would she also be plungerin'?" wondered Pippin.
"Why minus me?" asked Boromir as he walked up, absentmindedly picking at one of the arrows still stuck in him.
"Well, you're dead," said Gandalf, quite calmly considering he was speaking to a dead man.
"Yes, well, I was, but then I got one of these." He brandished a piece of paper that looked suspiciously like a poetic license.
Seeing Eowyn's discarded plunger, he wandered over to it and picked it up.
"You know, I used to be pretty good with one of these. Isn't that right Faramir?"
Faramir, who had appeared with a poetic license in hand, looked frightened.
"Hey!" protested Aragorn. "Talking to the Dead is my gig. Now step aside and watch the Master in action."
He nudged the growing crowd on the steps to the left, smoothed his
clothing and puffed a few breaths to psych up while they watched,
Aragorn stepped forward authoritatively.
"I am Isildur's heir. Fight for me and I will hold your oaths
fulfilled! What say you! What say you! What say you! What say you! What
"You better hit 'im," Pippin advised Boromir. "I think he's stuck."
"Maybe with the plunger." suggested Merry.
70. (Silivren Ithildin)
Aragorn looked slightly bemused to say the least
at having been whacked upside the head with a sticky plunger by a
walking, talking dead man.
"I say you need to get a grip, My Lord," Boromir muttered grumpily,
"my poetic license says that I don't have to fight anymore for anyone.
I did my fighting and look where it got me! Dead, that's where!"
"Well," said Gandalf, "that's not our fault! None of us here wrote
the books! You will have to take that up with the Professor!!!"
"Yeah," said Merry and Pippin robustly, "We wouldn't have killed you off!"
Meanwhile Adulas was watching the growing crowd
with curiosity. But when a stuffed pink oliphant waddled up to Legolas
while holding up a slip of paper in its trunk he was even more curious.
So he took the paper and read it while Legolas tried to keep the
oliphant from climbing up into his lap.
“Looks like you’ll have to let her sit there.”
“Oh no don’t tell me she’s got a poetic license for that!”
“I’m afraid so and you have to carry her around too!”
“Wonderful,” Legolas grumbled while the happy pink oliphant sat down on his lap.
Hama and Gamling stood in the hallway outside
Eowyn's firmly shut door and craned their necks trying to see out the
"Who are all those people? Do you think they're dangerous?" mumbled Gamling.
"There's getting to be more and more of them," Hama observed. "Here,
you watch the door, I'll go make sure they don't have any weapons."
"But there's always supposed to be two guards..."
"Oh, have it your way. Take this," Hama said handing him a bit of paper.
"A poetic license?"
"Hurry up, Hamling!" Hama called as Gamling's forgotten twin marched around the corner.
73. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Wow," exclaimed Daiwyn, Eowyn's twin sister
who was holding a poetic license of her own, "there sure are a lot of
people here. What's going on and can I get in on it?"
"Well," said a befuddled Merry, "I guess that depends on who you
are. You sure do look like Eowyn, but, she had a totally different
outfit on when she left here to go lay down."
"Oh, sorry!" Daiwyn said turning red, "I am Daiwyn, Eowyn's twin sister."
Shaking his head, Gandalf noticed the license in Daiwyn's hand. "Oh, brother! The poetic license bureau sure has been busy!"
"If we could find out where they come from, our
Master could use these to create another entire army." Grima Wormtongue
whispered to Grimy Mudtongue, his evil twin.
"True, but then they'd all kill one another, as they'd all be evil twins like us."
"He might still award us some jelly beans or something for finding out...."
"Ooo, look. Another blonde!" said Grima, spotting Daiwyn on the portico.
"Dibs!" cried Grimy. "I saw her first."
"You did not!"
"But you already have whatsherface."
"Well," Grima huffed. "You.... you were only adopted!"
"Liar! Liar! Mama always loved me best!"
Meanwhile two more hobbits holding poetic licenses joined the group and
they were Starey and Poppin the long lost brothers of Merry and Pippin.
“Look Starey we found our brothers at last!” Poppin said while he popped his gum as he chewed hence the origin of his name.
“I see!” Starey replied while he stared wide eye at Merry hence the origin of his name.
“Merry I’m seeing double!” Pippen said while Poppin hugged him tight hobbit style.
“I don’t think so Pip. A double in vision wouldn’t feel so solid,” Merry replied as he was hugged likewise by Starey.
"Oh great. More hobbits to feed," Gandalf grumbled. Gumbalth nodded in agreement.
"Ten-hut!" hollered Hama, elbowing his way out into the crowd.
"Everyone in line! Shoulders back! All weapons in a pile at my left!"
There was a tremendous and confused clatter as pipes, dishes, mugs,
beard-clips, arrows, hairbrushes and axes fell to the paving stones,
topped with a fuzzy toupee and a rather surprised looking stuffed pink
"Ahem, er...pardon me," mumbled Gumli, waddling forward again and
retrieving his toupee. "Got carried away in the heat of the battle..."
"Of course," the wizards chorused sympathetically, hiding their staves.
77. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Now, I don't know where you all came from,"
hollered Hama so everyone could hear him, "but, I have orders to take
you into the Great Hall for review. Lady Eowyn wants to get things
straightened out and figure out what is going one here. To tell you the
truth, I think when she finds the person at the license bureau who has
been handing out all these so-called "poetic licenses" she is going to
order them to be strung up by their toes in the dungeon. So, everyone
hurry up, follow me!"
With abundant grumbling they went into the Hall.
Trooping through the large doors they jostled
one another and many feet were stepped on and, in the case of the
hobbits, eyes poked by other people's elbows - the mood was turning
downward. At least at first. Astonishment soon replaced it.
Boromir, who was tagging along at the rear suddenly looked up and
exclaimed "Hey! My license has an expiration date at the bottom of it.
Do they all have that?" He squinted at it. "What is this? My license
He disappeared with a poof, the poetic license fluttering to the flagstones where he had so recently been.
Suddenly everyone with a poetic license
disappeared like Boromir until there was only Adulas and the stuff pink
oliphant left. Fearing the same fate Adulas quickly scanned his poetic
license. Then he sighed in relief. “I thought mine was a temporary one
too but it says “Good for the life of the bearer” and since I’m
immortal it won’t run out!” he said with a happy smile.
Meanwhile the toy had wrapped its legs and trunk tightly around one of Legolas’s.
“Get off!” he angrily shouted to it.
“Sorry bro but its poetic license doesn’t expire until this thread does.”
Gamling poked his head around the corner and
found only the original number of people looking around in a bewildered
sort of way.
"Anyone seen a guy who looks...well, a lot like me? Answers to Hamling?" he asked. "He seems to have suddenly gone missing, and it's his move on our checkers game."
Pippin picked up his former twin's bit of paper from the floor and
looked at it, rather forlorn. Merry poked him lightly. "Buck up, Pip.
You still have me! And you wouldn't want to share your share of my share of the pipeweed anyway, would you?"
81. (Silivren Ithildin)
"What's this?" asked Eowyn, "where have all the extra people gone???"
Looking behind him, Hama was amazed to see only around half of the people he had lead into the Great Hall were still there.
"I have no idea, My Lady," Hama said, "there were a whole lot of people trooping in here then a bunch just disappeared."
"I believe I can explain, Lady Eowyn," said a person looking just like
Aragorn. "My name is Hairagorn and I was the person who issued all the
poetic licenses. I felt they should be temporary, just to help the
story move on......."
Hama interrupted him abruptly. "Wait. Where have they gone?"
"I...er..." Hairagorn faltered.
"Spies!" Hama shouted, waving his arms. "We have an invasion of spies!"
"Spies?" a befuddled Gamling asked. "Where?"
"I ...uh, don't know!" Hama blustered loudly. "They went into the woodwork like termites!"
"The wizard did it!" Grima offered from the dark corner he had been
lurking in to eavesdrop. "It's all the wizard's fault, he must be out
to secretly overthrow the throne! He'll bring bad weather! Curdle the
butter! And make your deodorant fail! Begone! Yoiks and away!"
Eowyn looked at him funny. "Yoiks?"
83. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Oh...uh....it's just an old expression my Dad used to say," murmured Grima.
"Wait," exclaimed Gamling, "if they are like termites does that mean
that the buildings are in danger??? If they eat wood like termites we
could be in deep trouble! Maybe we should send for the "Rohan Pest
"Ok," Eowyn said loudly over the voices of the others, "everyone please
calm down! I really don't see how the buildings could be in trouble! I
believe they just disappeared cause their time was expired."
"That's correct," Hairagorn said, "it is just a natural part of the poetic license."
"Did someone say 'pest control?'" a blonde man with Rohan-Rooter
emblazoned across his tunic stood in the doorway. "I run the Rohan Orc
And Critter Hauling service on the side. R.O.A.C.H. is my main business
when I'm not Rooting. I'll be glad to exterminate at your command as
soon as I get your plumbing running. Oh, wow, there's a big one right
over there in the corner!"
"I am not a roach!" Grima protested, scuttling back into the shadows.
"Man," the Rooter commented looking at Hairagorn. "If everyone here has your kind of mop, no wonder the pipes are clogged."
85. (Silivren Ithildin)
"What's wrong with my mop?" Hairagorn quiried.
"Oh, nothing," said Rohan-Rooter man, "just saying."
"Well, anyway, Lady Eowyn," continued Hairagorn, "you won't have to
worry about the poetic license twins anymore. They have expired and
seeing as how I was about to get into trouble for granting them I don't
foresee issuing anymore of them in the near future!"
"Excellent!" Eowyn sighed, "it was getting a bit irritating.
Everyone can go back to what they were doing. Legolas, feel free to
keep my Pink Oliphant as long as you wish seeing as he seems to have
grown attached to you!"
As the momentum of the thread lagged, the
oliphant grew paler, causing Merry and Pippin to worry that he would
become like a wraith. They asked Legolas, who was still carrying the
little stuffed oliphant around with him, to show the pale plushie to
Aragorn and Hairagorn to see if they had any solutions.
"Do you think athelas would help?" inquired Pippin.
"Or hot tea?" asked Merry.
"Or chicken soup?"
"Nope," said Aragorn. "There are only two ways to return him to his
rosie self. Either the thread starts running again, or we need to get
87. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Thread," Pippin asked while scratching his head in bemusement, "how is thread going to help?"
"Here, now, did someone ask for thread?" the Rohan seamstress asked
coming upon the group gathering, "I think I might be able to come up
with some thread in that shade of pink, but, I don't think I have that
much. It is rather a good size, you know?"
"Well," said an embarrassed Aragorn, "I really didn't mean that
kind of thread, but, as it would take too long to explain it to Pip
let's just get some paint. I think that would be quicker."
"What a coincidence that you should mention
paint," the Rohan-Rooter man said. "I also run a horse-painting
business on weekends. I'm sure I could manage an oliphaunt, provided it
stays this small."
"Horse-painting?" Eowyn asked in astonishment and consternation. "Exactly whose horses have you been painting and with what?"
"Oh, no worries M'Lady," he said, holding up his hands. "It's all
natural and organic. Maybe even vegan. Only temporary. Washes out!"
"Why would anyone want their horse painted?" Merry asked, puzzled.
"Everyone wants a horse of a different color now and then. Now, let's see that oliphaunt, shall we?"
However the now much paler pink oliphant didn’t
like the idea of being painted and so it ran for the open Hall’s doors
while hanging onto one of Legolas’s legs with its trunk which resulted
in the elf suddenly dragged across the floor.
“Let go of me!” he cried out in alarm as he grabbed hold of the door jam which stopped him from going anywhere for the moment.
Then Adulas came to his brother’s rescue and picked up the
oliphant. “I think I have a better idea then painting this fuzzy little
one,” he said with a kind smile.
"Holy cow," Pippin commented. "Did you see that?"
"Maybe we should be investing in stuffed oliphaunts for the upcoming
battle," Aragorn observed. "They're apparently stronger than we think."
"Nay," Gimli corrected. "Remember yon Elf walking on the snow? He can't weigh more than the stuffing in that creature."
"So it would only be helpful if we were fighting Elves," Aragorn
mused. "Or needing to drag them places against their will. Darn. Pretty
limited application in wartime. I wonder if they come in bulk." He
Gimli looked up at Eowyn. "You wouldn't happen to have any bigger ones?"
91. (Silivren Ithildin)
"Yes," said Eowyn hestitantly, "I do have a
pink oliphant that is large enough for me to ride, however, he is so
very shy that I do believe that he would run away from large crowds.
Very bad stage fright, you know. I really don't think you could coax
him out of my chambers by any means, let alone get him to stay put in a
fight. I mean, come on, he is pink for a reason. He is so very in touch
with his feminine side and therefore feels that warfare is wrong."
"Great," muttered Aragorn, "a chicken Oliphant."
Meanwhile Adulas had set the wee little
oliphant down on the floor before him. Then he pulled out the wand he
had picked up while visiting Harry Potter and pointed it at the toy.
“Pinkus Returnus!” he said softly and in the blink of an eye the
oliphant was back to its vibrant pink color again.
Now this made the oliphant so happy that he ran circles around
Adulas while trumpeting loudly. Suddenly an even louder trumpeting came
from the direction of Éowyn’s room. Then the floor shook as something
large and heavy began to move towards the Golden Hall.
"Gahhhhh!" Grima screeched as a long pink snout
extended into the room and snatched him out from behind the pillar he
was trying to hide behind. "Why me? Why, always me?!"
The Rohan-Rooter man gaped at it. "I think I b-better go get my
p-p-pump...." he stuttered, backing towards the doors, nearly tripping
over Gimli as he went.
Everyone watched with wide eyes as Grima was lifted up, protesting loudly, and swung randomly around the room.
Except for Eowyn, who smiled a secret smile, knowing he still hadn't
discovered the peanuts she'd sewn into the lining of his cloak.
94. Conclusion (Dinledhwen)
Now Legolas enjoyed watching Grima as he was waved about like a rag doll.
Suddenly he let out a loud yelp of dismay as the smaller pink oliphant
wrapped its trunk around his leg again and started dragging him towards
the door where the bigger oliphant’s trunk was coming through.
Instantly Adulas grabbed a hold of his brother’s arms and soon the
elf and the smaller oliphant was waging a fierce game of tug-of-war
which suspended Legolas above the floor.
“Stop it you two! I’m not a pull toy!” Legolas pleaded.
Suddenly both let go and he felt himself falling until he landed
with a dull thud onto the floor of the small dark bedroom off the
“Laddie if you’re going to keep mumbling about pink oliphants,
plungers, and the Lady Éowyn in your sleep I’m going to seek a bed
elsewhere,” a grumpy Gimli said from the bed next to him.
“I’m sorry my friend. I was having a nightmare.”
“It sounded more like you were drunk! But we both know that’s unlikely to happen.”
“Yes…yes it is,” Legolas agreed with a sigh of relief.
Gimli snorted. “Good night Laddie.”
“Good night Gimli,” Legolas replied happily and wholeheartedly.