Sung to the tune of...Dark Places

On top of Caradhras
All covered with snow,
I've lost all the feeling
In my feet, heel to toe.

The snow is so icy,
My cheeks turning red;
And I can't help wishing
That shield was a sled.

That Man has my Ring, now -
(Hey, that's not in the book!)
He finally returned it -
But seemed kind of shook.

Fell asleep in a snowdrift,
But got lifted out fast,
They say if I stayed there,
Then I wouldn't last.

We want some more fire,
I can't feel my toes,
But Gandalf objected:
"I can't burn the snow!"

So now we're all buried
In snow past our ears,
Gandalf has warmed us
With strange Rivendell beer.

On top of Caradhras
Our elf walks on snow
If we could all do that
We would be on the go!

The drifts were so high, dear,
Great, white, man-high stacks,
So they had to plow out,
Carryin' us on their backs.

So: If you go trav'ling,
With Gandalf & Co.s
Bring a portable heater,
And socks for your toes!

In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating for a mine
Dwelt the many sons of Durin
Seeking mithril o so fine.

Chorus:
O the mithril, O the mithril
O the mithril from the mine!
It is lost and gone forever:
Dwarven star no more to shine.

Lovely Moria, with that metal
Light yet hard as dragon scale -
Too deep, the dwarves they delved there:
What they woke made hearts to fail.
(Chorus)

Great the battles that travailed them,
Hard the beating, how they shook!
Finally fell the sons of Durin -
Back its own the Darkness took
(Chorus)

Hardy Balin tried to claim it
Desire of dwarves, that silver shine -
He was valiant, but he fell there,
Only Dark now keeps that mine.
(Chorus)

Mourn for Moria, mourn for mithril,
Son of Gloin, o grieving bow,
For the treasure of your people
Surely gone forever now.
(Chorus)

I ain't gonna work on Sharkey's farm no more.
No, I ain't gonna work on Sharkey's farm no more.
Well, I wake in the morning,
Fold my hands and pray for rain.
I got a head full of ideas
That are drivin' me insane.
It's a shame the way he makes me scrub the floor.
I ain't gonna work on Sharkey's farm no more.

I ain't gonna work for Sharkey's worm no more.
No, I ain't gonna work for Sharkey's worm no more.
Well, he hands you a ha'penny
He hands you work in a straight line
He asks you with a grin
If you're havin' a good time,
Then he fines you every time you slam the door.
I ain't gonna work for Sharkey's worm no more.

I ain't gonna work for Sharkey's Lotho no more.
No, I ain't gonna work for Sharkey's Lotho no more.
Well, he puts his pipe
Out in your face just for kicks.
His bedroom window
It is made out of bricks.
The Sharkey's guard stands around his door.
Ah, I ain't gonna work for Sharkey's Lotho no more.

I ain't gonna work for Sharkey himself no more.
No, I ain't gonna work for Sharkey himself no more.
Well, he talks to all the servants
About his power and makes you squirm.
Everybody says
He's the brains behind worm.
She's six-thousand and sixty-eight, but he says he's two-thousand sixty-four.
I ain't gonna work for Sharkey himself no more.

I ain't gonna work on Sharkey's farm no more.
No, I ain't gonna work on Sharkey's farm no more.
Well, I try my best
To be just like I am,
But everybody wants you
To be just like them.
They sing while you slave and I just get bored.
I ain't gonna work on Sharkey's farm no more.

- Elanor Gamgee

A very short song about Shelob
Sung to the tune of The Teensy Weensy (or Itsy Bitsy, if you prefer) Spider

The creeping evil Shelob
Hid in her cave of gloom.
In came Sam Gamgee
His master Frodo doomed.

Stung in the neck
Dear Frodo hit the floor.
And the creeping evil Shelob
Felt Sam's avenging score.

- Mirthwood

Lockholes Prison Blues

I hear that cart a rollin', it's rollin' 'round the bend
And I ain't smelled a sausage in I don't know when
'Cause I'm stuck in Lockholes Prison and time keeps draggin' by
When I hear those carts a rollin' I hang my head and cry

I bet that Chief he's eating sausage, eggs, potatoes, stew
He's slurping ale and Winyards and smoking pipeweed too
While I'm stuck in Lockholes Prison and time keeps draggin' on
While those carts keep a rollin' on out of Hobbiton

When they free me from this prison, when that Bag End "Chief" is mine
You know that Lotho'll wish he'd got his fat tail out in time
Far from the Shire I'd run him, that's where he'd always stay
And that cart full of supper would roll my blues away

- Camellia Took

(sung to the tune of that really old song about Mothers which I vaguely remember)

M is for the Mire the Goblins wade in
O is for the Orcs both big and small.
R is for the Rancid air you breathe there
D is for Mt. Doom fiery and tall.
O is for the Ominous dark skies
R is for the Ringwraiths all in Black.

Put them all together they spell Mordor, A place that scares the dickens out of me.

- Lindorie

Springtime for Sauron and Barad Dur
(a tune by Mel Brooks)

Middle-earth was having trouble, what a
sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore its former glory
Where, Oh where was he? Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me.
And now it's..

Springtime for Sauron and Barad Dur
Mordor is happy and gay
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race

Springtime for Sauron and Barad Dur
Winter for Minas Tirith
Springtime for Sauron and Barad Dur
Come on, Witch King, go into your dance

I was born in Numenore, and that is why they call me
Angmar
Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazgul
party

Springtime for Sauron and Barad Dur
Orcstep's the new step today
Ringwraiths swoop from the skies again
Mordor is on the rise again

Springtime for Sauron and Barad Dur
Corsairs are sailing once more

Springtime for Sauron and Barad Dur
Means that soon we'll be going
We've got to be going
You know we'll be going to WAR!

- halavana

On the Dark Side
To the tune of Elvis’ "In the Ghetto"

On a cold and gray Middle-Earth morn, another little baby Balrog is born, on the Dark Side... on the Dark Side.
And his momma cries.
Cause if there's one thing that she don't need, it's another little fire demon to feed, on the Dark Side.. on the Dark Side.

People don’t you understand, this demon needs a helping hand, or he’ll grow to kill a grey old wizard some day.
Now take a look at you and me, are we to blind to see, or do we simply turn around and run the other way.

Well Middle-Earth turns…
And a hungry little demon with a flaming nose plays in the brimstone as a hot wind blows on the Dark Side.. on the Dark Side.

And his hunger burns…
So he starts to roam the cave one night and he learns how to burn little dwarves on sight on the Dark Side.. on the Dark Side.

Then one night in clear confusion, he comes across an old fool, he strikes him down, but the bridge gets broke, he falls real far and it ain’t no joke, and his mama cries.

As the orcs gather round and stare in the pit,
they laugh and shout “You stupid git!”
on the Dark Side.. on the Dark Side.

As her demon dies,
On a cold and gray Middle-Earth morn, another little baby Balrog is born, on the Dark Side... on the Dark Side.

- The Foe Hammer