Top Ten Birthday Presents That You
Wouldn’t Want To Give To Legolas and Why
10. Binoculars – He’s DEFINITELY doesn’t have a problem seeing
9. A Subscription to The Hair Club for Men – Yeah right. Whoever saw a
8. A Bow With Arrows That Have Suction Cups – WARNING!! This could
jeopardize your health!
7. Hair Ribbons – See the above warning.
6. An All Expense Paid Vacation to Go Spelunking – No doubt he would
offer gold to be excused from this so if you’re looking to make some
5. A Clock – Time doesn’t mean anything to someone who’s immortal.
4. A Membership to a Gym – Pointless.
3. A Scale – Whoever saw an Elf that needed to lose weight?
2. A Gift Certificate to a Hair Salon – Useless. He no doubt knows more
about hair then they do!
1. Éowyn’s Stew – Now this is just plain twisted!
Ten birthday presents you wouldn't
want to give Gimli:
10. A moustache-trimming and waxing set.
9. Rubber safety tips for his axe.
8. A nice, light salad with nonfat dressing.
7. A fillet knife. (What? You want it off the bone?)
6. Tanning lotion.
5. A gift certificate for a manicure.
4. A wood-burning kit. (This is useless! Hand me my chisel.)
3. A handy Pocket Guide to Elven Constellations.
2. A solar-powered flashlight. (Drat, it went out again - now I'll have
to hike 25 miles back to the surface to recharge it!)
Top Ten Gifts you wouldn't give to
1. Charm school lessons
2. A makeover from the Queer Eye guys
3. An invitation to High Tea
4. The Miss Manners book
5. Any book
6. A toothbrush
7. Any dental supplies
8. Maggoty bread (hehe, sounds like they already have plenty)
9. A tie
10. A World's Greatest Boss
plaque for them to give to Sauron .
- Empress JuJu
Top 10 words of advice from Frodo's stylist
He was weathly, right? ;)
10. I promise you, sideburns are the latest trend!
9. With that complexion, green colored contacts would look fabulous!
8. Even if you are allergic to velvet, everyone is wearing it!
7. Perhaps you should wear slacks, to cover your knocked-knees
6. I've arranged for you to see the orthodontist about that space
5. Hot Wax should take care of your hairy foot problem
4. Suspenders? They are so 80's!
3. We really need to do something about your weight problem
2. Gah! Your nails make you look like a gardener
and the top 10 words of advice from Frodo's stylist:
Gold is out this year deary. Silver, Silver, Silver!!
Why did Frodo keep the Ring?
10 reasons why Frodo decided to keep the Ring
10: It was stuck on his finger and he couldn't get it off
9: It goes with everything in his wardrobe
8: He was thinking of giving it to Rosie and seeing if she'd marry him
instead of Sam
7: He wanted to hit the road with the Ringwraiths and be in the next
Harry Potter movie as a Dementor.
6: Everyone else cool in Middle earth has a ring
5: He was afraid Bilbo would disown him if he lost his family heirloom
4: It came in handy when he snuck into theaters to see LOTR over and
3: Invisible people don't have to wait in line
2: He was starting to enjoy the attention
and the #1 reason Frodo decided to keep the Ring....
... He couldn't think of a wish before he threw it in!
Best hobbit in the Shire
Wizard agreed with me
You are my heir
I must away from here
Escape the relatives
Going back there
Got the Ring from Sauron
He claimed it for himself
He met a sticky end
Sinks like a stone
What Happened To The Easterlings?
OK, we see a big bunch of Easterlings march into Mordor in TTT,
ready for battle. "Some thousands, more come every day." Suuuure. But
where were they in ROTK? Some guesses what may have happened to the
10) They were all fired after the 'Elven Cloak' debacle and sent home.
9) Southrons were way less demanding about trailers and such.
8) Sauron tried to melt another Ring out of them. It's been a while, so
it took a few tries.
7) Well, cave trolls gotta eat something...
6) Legolas' Cool Elven Stunt wouldn't have looked half so cool on a
5) The eeevil magnet of (best Elrond voice) Morrrdorrr.
4) Sauron was really jealous of their pretty eye-liner and fed them to
Shelob (mmmm... canned catfood).
3) What do you think they fueled Grond with?
2) Maybe PJ saved them for the EE DVD?
Nooo, this HAS to be the reason...
1) They were talked out of it by one who was True-Hearted...