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Contents of this page:
Top 18 reasons you cry over LOTR
Top Reasons why the more
Cynical Members of the board cry over LOTR
Top 10 actual posts on the
LOTRfanclub Message Boards that make you go "huh?"
Top Ten Important People in the
Film who do not Appear on Screen
Top 10 New Scenes from Revised LOTR
Top 10 Olympic events of
Top 10 reasons how the movie
could have been shorter if...
Top 10 things Peter should say in
his speech (should he win an Oscar)
Top 10 things you have learned
are NOT perfectly acceptable since LOTR came out
Top 10 things you have
realized are perfecly acceptable since LOTR came out
Top Ten Ways George Lucas Would have
Messed Up LotR
There are so many great posts on these
boards - ones that make you think, ones that make you laugh, and
others.... sometimes it's just the way they're worded, but...
Top 10 actual posts on the LOTRfanclub Message Boards that make you
10. "Someone asked me today, how tall are Elijah, Sean, Billy,
and Dom when they're not being hobbits?"
9. "wow, everyone must be on the other boards...*sigh* i'm so
lonely...i'll just stare at pics of Orli for awhile then"
"Yeah, I'm flipping back and forth here.... but some messages are long!"
8. "The magick of Lothlorien Anybody who thinks Galadriel has
powers on us come!"
7. [detailed informational post with links ending with:]
"PLEASE DON'T POST QUESTIONS HERE - USE THE EMAIL LINK TO ME ON THE
SITE. (I also will not always have the time to check here for replies.)
"what's this thing about?? can you plaese tell me?"
6. "I thougt that the book was beautifull, but when you've seen
the movie, it is really the most incredible movie I've ever seen, he is
so good." [who?]
5. "Gandolf do u think he's dead or not"
4. "Has Anybody Bothered to read the "book" trilogy?????????
The Trilogy of lord of the rings are exactly three parts.
1.The fellowship of the ring
3.Return of the king
I've seen on Nat'l Geographic that they are NOW making the sec. part,
TWO TOWERS, of the triolgy lorde of the rings!"
"Thank the maker! When will it be on?? (TT thing)"
3. "After seeing the movie, I fell head-over-heels for Elijah
Wood! Wow, he's so cute! Does anyone happen to have his email? I'd
really appreciate it if I could get it! I desperately want to email
him! Even better, if anyone knows if he has AIM! Email me at
email@example.com....thanks a million!!!!!!! :)"
2. "why the 'Lord Of The Ring" no ending
are lord of the ring continues
there is no ending
can please tell me about the ending
they just reach the mountain and end
not good ending
on frist movie"
1. "does anyone know enough elfish to know what the word 9
means? I love
the ring that the cast had tatooed on their finger also. I want to get
done on my finger!"
THE TOP TEN WAYS GEORGE LUCAS WOULD HAVE
MESSED UP LOTR.
10. Strider would have a mullet.
9. The cave troll would have been cute and cuddly.
8. Gimli would have been completely CG
7. The child actor playing Pippin would yell "Yiiiiiiippppeee"
when the Fellowship sailed down the Great River.
6. The dialogue would sound something like this: SAMWISE: "This
is all Gandalf&requo;s fault! I'll show him!" as he kicks his pots
and pans angrily around the campsite.
5. Boromir would reveal to Frodo that he was really his father.
4. N'Sync would play Elves at the Council of Elrond.
3. The film would be rated G.
2. The Eye of Sauron would have been a puppet.
1. Warwick Davis (the dude from Willow) would have played Frodo.
Top 18 reasons you cry over LOTR:
1. The pledge of Sam as he is pulled out of the water in the boat with
Frodo, "Don't you lose him Samwise Gamgee, don't you lose him. And I
don't mean to."
2. "Gandalf!" Frodo screams as Boromir carries him away when Gandalf
falls into Shadow.
3. The fellowships reaction to Gandalf's fall (outside Moria).
4. When Gandalf looks down at a resolute Frodo at Bag End and tells him
he is always surprised at Hobbits
5. "And that's an encouraging thought," Gandalf to Frodo in the mines
of Moria as they discuss the ring coming to Frodo.
6. "My brother....my Captain....my King." Boromir
7. "I don't suppose we'll ever see them again," Frodo to Sam. Sam's
reply, "We may yet still, Mr. Frodo. We may." (this quote might be a
little off I am really crying by this part of the movie).
8. The boat with Boromir's body
9. "Let's go hunt some Orc," Aragorn. (Yes I cry here...it is so
10. Frodo staring out at the East side of the river towards his path to
Mordor with the ring in his hand and tears on his face as he recalls
Gandalf's words to him.
11. "I will take the ring, though I do not know the way."
12. Gandalf's reaction to Frodo's accepting the burden of the ring.
13. Frodo gets stabbed and pulls off the ring, sobbing, "Oh Sam."
14. Arwen promising her grace to Frodo as he lie dying by the riverbed.
15. When Frodo is hit by the cave Troll and everyone rushes to him
thinking he's dead, and the Sam out of joy and love says "He's alive!"
awwwwww *sniff* *sniff* its just the way he says it.
16. Bilbo hugging Gandalf after his 'transformation'
17. Bilbo apologizing to Frodo for the burden of the ring
18. Frodo to Bilbo: "My own adventure turned out quite different...I'm
not like you, Bilbo"
- Elektra1995 and committee of posters
Top reasons why the more cynical members
of the board cry over LOTR:
1. I run out of M&M's.
2. The Fellowship is about to be broken AND I HAVE TO PEE!
3. Someone behind me won't quit quoting from "Dude, Where's my Ring?"
4. I realize that I'm the only person in the theater NOT wearing a
5. There's a crotchety old purist a few rows in front of me who won't
quit complaining about Bombadil getting cut.
6. A kid asks, "When do they get to Gryffindor?"
7. The person next to me keeps drooling on me whenever Legolas come on
8. By the time they get to Lorien, I've drooled over Aragorn so much
that I'm dehydrated.
9. one of the people I went to the movie with leaning over after the
movie was over and saying "you mean we have to come back again to watch
them throw the thing away?"
10. Audience members dropping nerds/hot tamales, etc. all over the floor
- Lightpoet and committee of posters
Top 10 reasons how the movie could have been
10. The Fellowship forgets to park the canoes on the shore and
they all fall off the waterfall to their deaths. (maybe Legolas and
Aragorn survive ...but the ring is gone)
9. Gandalf versus the Balrog ... "Dark Fire will not avail you
... YOU SHALL NOT..*Balrog knocks Gandalf off the bridge and kills the
8. If the cave troll was indeed a cave bunny with HUGE fangs,
the fellowship would have surely perished.
7. Sauruman brings down the mountain destroying the fellowship.
6. Arwen hits a branch or tree or something and falls of the
horse and the wraiths defeat her and Frodo
5. Frodo turns into a wraith.
4. When the hobbits are camping out on the old fort and Frodo
wakes up to see them cooking bacon ... "what are you doing!?!?"
"cooking bacon we saved you some" "oh why thank you" *they all eat the
bacon and dont notice the wraiths behind them until they are dead*
3. "mushrooms!!" ... "get off the road!" "NO!! MUSHROOMS!"
*wraiths come and after a semi-long chase the four hobbits are killed*
2. Pip and Merry put the firework in wrong and it shoots
sideways hitting Frodo right in the head and exploding taking out
Frodo, Bilbo and a few other hobbits near them.
1. When Isildur refuses to throw the ring in the fires of mount
doom, Elrond throws him and
the ring in the fire.
- Elf God
Top ten things you have realized are perfectly acceptable since LOTR
10.Drooling in public.
Top ten things you have learned are NOT perfectly
acceptable since LOTR came out
8.Hugging your friends tightly, male or female.
7.Eating meat, especially sausages and nice chrispy bacon.
6.Whipping the living snot out of the bad guys.
5.Crying, be you male or female.
3.Being a little dirty all the time.
2.Raiding your neighbors garden.
1.Biting your fingernails.
9.Being a quitter.
1.Breaking a promise.
Top ten Olympic events of Middle-Earth...
10.The down hill Hobbit Roll.
9.The Mines of Moria 1000 stair climb.
8.The Mushroom Pick Off.
7.The Nazgul 9 Man Relay.
6.The Lothlorien Circular Tree Climb.
5.The Caradhras Snow Walk.
4.The Khazad-dum Hobbit Hurl.
3.The Isengard Hamster Wheel Orc Run.
2.The Goose of Gondor Blow Off.
And the number one Olympic event of Middle-Earth...
Top Ten Important People in the Film who do
not Appear on Screen
1) Saruman's Official Hair Brusher.
(extra conditioned for that magnificent sheen)
2) Frodo's Official Ring Polisher.
(gets rid of all those greasy fingerprints and fire ashes)
3) Saruman's Official Robe Bleacher.
(or he'd turn into Saruman the Off-White)
4) Aragorn's Official Stubble Trimmer.
(never a full beard, never clean-shaven, this surely is a daunting task)
5) Saruman's Official Floor Scrubber.
(it's really muddy in those Uruk-Hai breeding pits, and I'm not even
mentioning the slime)
6) Legolas' Official Hair Detangler & Braider.
(to keep him squeaky clean and prim)
7) Aragorn & Boromir's Official Hair Tangler.
(to show that they are tough men, who do not care about wussy things
8) Sam's Official Pan Tuner.
(there to ensure the clear ringing tones of those pans when he is
running and when they are brought into violent contact with orcs and
9) The Hobbits' Official Apple Polisher.
(hobbits only eat shiny and clean apples)
10) The Official Moth Wrangler.
(have you ever tried grooming a moth?)
- Loanshark & Doctor Gamgee
Top 10 New Scenes from Revised LOTR:
10. Scene where Galadriel sprays her mirror with a fire extinguisher
after Frodo pulls himself away from it.
9. Bonus scene where Boromir tries to get up again and is shot with a
8. New scene in which Sam is caught outside Rosie's window also....
"trimming the verge"
7. An extra 5 minutes where Gandalf hangs on the edge of the abyss and
no one attempts to rescue him.
6. An added 5 minutes of Galadriel putting on a light/shadow show to
demonstrate that she is being tempted by the ring.. (shudder)
5. New scenes in which Legolas acctually speaks.
4. Scene in which Gandalf's cart hits a pothole, and he and Frodo spend
20 minutes fixing the wheel axle.
3. Scene added featuring mortal danger which is not a direct cause of
2. New footage in which Aragorn acctually attempts to keep up the
facade of his false name.
1. 20 extra minutes featuring Tom Bombadil.
Other new footage includes
10) Sam says: 'that's it, if I take one step further, I'll be
contravening the terms of my bail following my arrest for snooping on
Rosie in the thread a few below this one.
9) 'My foot's on fire!' shouts Frodo after stamping on supper at Amon
Sul. 'Behold, the fabled flaming foot of the halfing,' cry the
ringwraiths in awe, and leg it sharpish.
8) 'What's this, a Ranger caught off his guard?' Aragorn instinctly
turns and lobs off Arwen's arm with his customary homicidal
proficiency, leaving the half-Elvish, first-film babe-count enhancer
with a nifty needle and thread job ahead of her before she can attend
7) 'That'll be 100 pieces of gold each and 5,000 for Frodo please, says
Elrond to the Hobbits as they leave Rivendell. 'What for, you great
mincing hair-clamper' retorts Sam. 'Eating me out of house and home for
weeks, full Elvish medical care for your chum plus the industrial
cleaning costs of getting hobbit foot hair removed from all the
furniture.' replies Elrond. 'Yeah, and less of the mincing,' says
Gandalf. 'This is a politically correct movie, you short-arsed bigot.'
6) 'Your word is my command, Sauron, Lord Of The Earth, says Saruman at
Orthanc. 'Build me a shrubbery worthy of Mordor.' comes the reply. 'A
shrubbery?' queries Curunir. 'Yes, with a little path to it, flanked by
windmills - I've always wanted one of those,' confirms the Dark Lord.
5) 'I know what it is you saw,' says Galadriel to Frodo. 'Bet you
don't' Frodo replies. 'Go on then, tell me what you think I saw.' 'No,
you tell me first,' says Galadriel. 'No chance,' says Frodo. 'Tell you
what, I'll write it down, you do the same, then we'll compare. Now, who
writes first?' (goes on for some time, ends up on cutting room floor.
Good call, PJ).
4) 'Take this Frodo,' it will be a light for you in dark places,' says
Galadriel. 'Oh,' replies Frodo, 'I was hoping for something a bit
different.' 'What?' asks the Elven queen. 'A B52 bomber for Aragorn and
a first class ticket back to The Shire for me,' says the brave Hobbit.
3) 'Behold the Argonath,' says Argorn. 'Where, I can't see anything for
those dirty great statues,' says Pippin.
2) 'Find the halfings find the halfings! screams the Uruk-Hai leader.
'Found one,' says a voice at the back. 'That's a tree stump, Troll
breath,' replies the leader.
1) 'I don't suppose we'll ever see them again,' says Frodo. 'Don't
suppose? There's more chance of Elvis being found alive on the moon!'
replies Sam, while on his mobile trying in vain to find a competitive
life insurance policy premium for a Hobbit walking into Mordor
unassisted by nuclear weapons.
Gandalf to Balrog: Dude, you can't pass. - Anithrarith
Top 10 things Peter should say in his speech
(should he win an Oscar)
10. "And Lucas said Tolkien wasn't filmable...Ha!"
9. "You thought THIS one was good? Wait till you see the other two!"
8. "I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this...."
7. Looking at the Oscar in confusion..."It's a strange fate I suffered
so much fear and doubt over wanting to win so small a thing...such a
6. Refuse to touch the award fearfully "I dare not take it...for it's
dark powers would corrupt me and I would slowly become as shallow and
wraithlike as all of you....."
5. He should hunch over... slowly petting the Oscar stating "It came to
me....my own...my Prreciousss..."
4. "I knew offering the voters those rings would pay off...they took
them without question...and became slaves to my will..."
3. Forget a speech, I say he should jump atop the podium and proceed in
singing "There is an inn, a merry old inn, beneath an old grey
hill...And there they brew a beer so brown, that the Man in the Moon
himself came down, one night to drink his fill...."
2. "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like
less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
1. "I couldn't have done it without my fellow 'Ringers'!"