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Contents of this page:

Give me 10 alternative uses for Gandalf's staff
Selection of book titles from Saruman's desk in Orthanc
Top Ten Beatles/LOTR tracks
Top Ten Monty Python LOTR Film changes
Top 10 Reasons why you should NOT listen to the soundtrack while driving
Top ten selling books in Middle earth for the last week of the Third Age
Top Ten Signs You Might Be A Member Of The Fellowship
Top Ten Things People Say about Characters in LotR
Top Ten Reasons Why Legolas Left The Party In The Golden Hall Early
Top Ten Reasons Legolas Joined the Fellowship

Top Ten Monty Python LOTR Film changes

10. When the ents attack Isengard, they are bombarded with catapulted Livestock
9. The Riders of Rohan use coconuts
8. The Nazgul are 9 rabbits with mean nasty fangs.
7. At the paths of the dead, Aragorn must say his favorite color to enter.
6. Gandalf goes around muttering "I seek the holy grrrail" er...ring
5. At the Black gate, The mouth of Sauron resorts to cheap insults such as "Your Father in law smells of Elderberries"
4. He uses his ooouutrageous french accent.
3. The elves in Lothlorien chant and bang planks on their heads
2. As Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn carry Boromir to the boats after the orc attack, he continues to shout.."Im not dead..I think I'll go for a walk"
1. Sam says to Frodo, "Lets not go to Rivendell, tis a silly place.
- The Gals in the Prancing Pony

1. At Orthanc, Saruman turns Gandalf into a newt
2. Gandalf reading from the book in Moria "Drums in the deep! They are coming! They are here! Aaaaa...." Aragorn: "What does 'Aaaaa....' mean? Why would someone write 'Aaaaa....'?"
3. The Ring Wraiths who say "Ni"
4. Galadriel tells the Fellowship that if they want to stay in LothLorien they must bring her.... a SHRUBBERY!
5. "We are no longer the Wraiths who say NI! We are now the Wraiths who say icky-icky-icky-ptang-nuuuuwog!"
6. Legolas, Prince of Silly Walks
7. At Isengard, Merry and Pippin offer their friends Spam. Spam and cheese. Spam and toast and spam. Spam, spam and pipeweed. Spam, pipeweed, spam, spam and bread.....
8. Lurtz to Aragorn: "It's only a flesh wound. Come back, you coward!"
9. The Elves in Rivendell all sing, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life!"


Top Ten Signs You Might Be A Member Of The Fellowship

10. Noone can remember your hair color. ("It's black!" "No its blonde!" "black!""blonde!")
9. You like to pick up short people in seedy bars.
8. You have to blowdry any part of your body other than your head. (beard, toes, etc. palms don't count)
7. You like to dress up in your uncle's old jewelry.
6. You talk to trees, 'nuff said.
5. You've ever had to chase your crown across the courtyard on a windy day. (that big number with the wings)
4. Falling asleep in the cemetary seemed like, "a good idea at the time."
3. When you get cut off in traffic, you lean on your horn and shout the name of your town out the window.
2. While canoeing you've been followed by a log with eyes.
1. By the time you finish introducing yourself by all your names, everyone has gone to sleep! (Strider Aragorn son of Arathorn Elessar the Elfstone chief of the Dunedain.. etc.)
- Ghostwood

Top ten selling books in Middle earth for the last week of the Third Age.

1. Men are from Middle Earth, Elves are from Valinor by Arwen Evenstar
2. How to lose friends and infuriate people - part 2 by Saruman the White
3. A brief history of thyme by Samwise Gamgee
4. Conversations with Illuvatar by Elrond Halfelven
5. Recovering your inner hobbit by Rosie Cotton
6. The Unbearable lightness of being Galadriel by Galadriel
7. Women who love too much, and men who are already in love with Elvish princesses. by Eowyn of Rohan
8. Overcoming your inner Balrog by Gandalf the Grey
9. The Secret life of trees by Legolas Greenleaf
10. There and back again - a hobbits tale by Bilbo Baggins (of course!!!)
- Evelina


#10-Elrond-"Hey, it's Agent Smith!"
#9-Gimli-"Hey, it's Sallah!"
#8-Gandalf-"Hey, it's Magneto!"
#7-Legolas-"Hey, it's Zack from Saved by the Bell!" (Incorrect, I know, but I actually heard someone say that)
#6-Boromir-"Hey, it's 006!"
#5-Arwen-"Hey, it's Faye!"
#4-Galadriel-"Hey, it's Queen Elizabeth!"
#3-Aragorn-"Hey, it's Sam Loomis!"
#2-Sam-"Hey, it's Mikey Walsh!"
- Samwise Arandel
Sam- "Hey it's Rudy Rudegar!" - Flame of Thangorodrim


Top 10 Reasons why you should NOT listen to the soundtrack while driving

1. When dancing to Concerning Hobbits, your feet come off the pedals.
2. You mistake the rumbling of a flat tyre as part of the Nazgul theme.
3. It is hard to drive when you are crying your eyes out.
4. You crack the windscreen with your voice when trying to hit the high note sung by the choirboy in In Dreams.
5. You miss your junction on the motorway while trying to remember all the words to Aniron in elvish.
6. You get funny looks from other drivers as you blast out May It Be at the top of your voice.
7. When someone cuts you up, you don't shout 'Roadhog' but 'Balrog'! (This could be a good point!)
8. You stay too long in the middle lane while trying to turn the tape over. (naughty one this!)
9. You get a sore throat from number 6.
and last but not least,
10. When you get to the end of your journey, you cannot get out of the car, and start driving all the way back again!!!
- Cadsuane

Top Ten Beatles/LOTR tracks

10. Back in the Sh-sh-sh-shire
9. Being for the Benefit of Mr Frodo
8. All You Need is Lembas
7. Gladden Fields Forever
6. A Hard Day's Quest (mission...thing)
5. Here Comes the Sauron
4. Paper Black Rider
3. Let It Bree
2. Elanor Gamgee
1. The Ballad of Sam and Frodo
- White Rider


Give me 10 alternative uses for Gandalf's staff - fakoriginal

Back scratcher that magically hits the right spot every time! - Lothithil
Shower rod (the white staff only) - little elf
A giant cocktail-stirrer for Gawhair the eagle's mixed drink (Gandalf owes him a drink) - Orangeblossom Took
Tent pole. - simpetarwen
A toothpick for Orcs- m4sure
Or a Morris dancing stick thingy?...*Imagines the sound of tiny jingle bells & Gandalf leaping* - m4sure
A limbo bar at Bilbo's birthday party. - Rosie
A vault-pole for the Dwarf, in case no one is around to toss him! - Lothithil
Curtain-pole for impromptu sock-puppet shows on boring nights. - Primula
A wind-sock post, to see if it's a good day for flying.  - Primula
Toasting mushrooms over an open fire. - auntkimby35
Smaug's toothpick. - The Foe Hammer


Selection of book titles from Saruman's desk in Orthanc

- Cadsuane

Top Ten Reasons Why Legolas Left The Party In The Golden Hall Early

10. He broke a finger nail.

9. Eowyn kept asking him for hair care tips.

8. He developed stage fright when it was his turn at karaoke.

7. He was tired of being followed by a group of teenage girls who kept screaming the name “Orlando!” and asking for his autograph.

6. He couldn’t listen to another rendition of 100 Kegs OF Ale On The Wall.

5. He discovered he couldn’t dance after stepping on Eowyn’s toes several times.

4. He thought you played Pin The Tail On The Donkey with real arrows.

3. Eowyn kept asking him to help her set up a date with Aragorn.

2. Merry and Pippin kept dancing in his food whenever he sat down at a table to eat.

1. He didn’t want to be Gandalf’s lovely assistant for his magic show.
- Dinledhwen

Top Ten Reasons Legolas Joined the Fellowship

10. He needed more practice with his bow, or else, he wouldn’t be ready for the Olympics!

9. He didn’t want his father to be ‘disappointed’ in him.

8. All the other Elves were allowed to go, why shouldn’t he?

7. There was a particularly, pretty, She-Elf, waiting for him back in Mirkwood, he wanted to impress her!

6. He would never give up the chance to show up a Dwarf!

5. Most noble Elf was already taken by Haldir, so he wanted to, then be, Most Sporty!

4. He heard that the Golden Wood, served the best Lembas in this part of Middle Earth!

3. Aragorn kept bursting into tears about Arwen, he needed someone to cheer him up!

2. Frodo said he would show him how to curl his hair!

And finally...


There had to be at least ONE good looking person in the Fellowship!

PS: For #10, No offence to the other GREAT looking guys in the Fellowship!
- Queen of Gondor

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