Out of all the Top Ten Lists, this select group of Top Ten Lists has been chosen through a complex process of nomination and voting (in other words, Redbeard and Primula just picked some). If you have other choices for this group... tough. ;-)

Contents of this page:
Top Ten Monty Python LOTR Film changes
Top 11 LOTR Movie lines that could be improved by adding "Without Pants"
Top 10 Reasons Why Some Fellowship Board Posters Love Elijah Wood
Top Ten lies told by female LOTR fans;
Top Ten lies told by male LOTR fans.
Top reasons you know you've been on the message boards too long:
The Top Ten Ways to Start a Debate on the Boards
Top Ten Things People Say About Characters In LOTR
Top 10 actual posts on the LOTRfanclub Message Boards that make you go "huh?"
You know you're a Ringer when...
Top 10 Reasons why you should NOT listen to the soundtrack while driving

Top Ten Monty Python LOTR Film changes

10. When the ents attack Isengard, they are bombarded with catapulted Livestock
9. The Riders of Rohan use coconuts
8. The Nazgul are 9 rabbits with mean nasty fangs.
7. At the paths of the dead, Aragorn must say his favorite color to enter.
6. Gandalf goes around muttering "I seek the holy grrrail" er...ring
5. At the Black gate, The mouth of Sauron resorts to cheap insults such as "Your Father in law smells of Elderberries"
4. He uses his ooouutrageous french accent.
3. The elves in Lothlorien chant and bang planks on their heads
2. As Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn carry Boromir to the boats after the orc attack, he continues to shout.."Im not dead..I think I'll go for a walk"
1. Sam says to Frodo, "Lets not go to Rivendell, tis a silly place.
- The Gals in the Prancing Pony
Additions:

1. At Orthanc, Saruman turns Gandalf into a newt
2. Gandalf reading from the book in Moria "Drums in the deep! They are coming! They are here! Aaaaa...." Aragorn: "What does 'Aaaaa....' mean? Why would someone write 'Aaaaa....'?"
3. The Ring Wraiths who say "Ni"
4. Galadriel tells the Fellowship that if they want to stay in LothLorien they must bring her.... a SHRUBBERY!
5. "We are no longer the Wraiths who say NI! We are now the Wraiths who say icky-icky-icky-ptang-nuuuuwog!"
6. Legolas, Prince of Silly Walks
7. At Isengard, Merry and Pippin offer their friends Spam. Spam and cheese. Spam and toast and spam. Spam, spam and pipeweed. Spam, pipeweed, spam, spam and bread.....
8. Lurtz to Aragorn: "It's only a flesh wound. Come back, you coward!"
9. The Elves in Rivendell all sing, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life!"
Top 11 LOTR Movie lines that could be improved by adding "Without Pants"
11. "Nobody tosses a dwarf...without pants."
10. "I am leaving now...without pants."
9. "A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisly when he means to...without pants."
8. "Long has the blood of my people kept your lands free...without pants!"
7. "Nasty Bagginses...without pants."
6. "If you want him, come and claim him...without pants!"
5. "Find the halflings...without pants!"
4. "She said there was no hope for my land...without pants."
3. "I would have followed you into Mordor itself...without pants."
2. "So, where are we going...without pants?"
1. "You...shall not...pass...without pants!"
- Gil-Galad, Elven King
Top 10 Reasons Why Some Fellowship Board Posters Love Elijah Wood

10. Those eyes
9. Those eyes
8. Those eyes
7. That little gap between his front teeth
6. Those eyes
5. Those eyes
4. Those eyes
3. That cute laugh
2. Those eyes
1. That tattoo
- TO Elf
Top Ten lies told by female LOTR fans;

10. Honey, I'm going to the mall for a few hours.
9. $10 a day extra? Oh, the cafeteria really raised their prices.
8. No honey, I said, "oh, do that fast.", not, "oh, Legolas."
7. The engraving on the band says, "I love my husband".
6. I've always worn my hair like this, you just didn't notice.
5. I bought some books for the kids.
4. Don't you remember? I told you years ago I wanted to go to New Zealand.
3. A plastic surgeon called about my ears? Oh, that must have been a wrong number.
2. I'm completely in control. I can stop going to see IT any day I want to.
1. Oh no honey, he's much too young for me to have those kind of thoughts about him.

Top Ten lies told by male LOTR fans.

10. Honey, I'm going over to Billy's to work on his transmission.
9. Yesterday? I was down in the basement all day refinishing your Mama's dresser.
8. No honey, I said "oh, do that again", not "oh, Arwen".
7. No I didn't curl my hair. It's just humid out.
6. Suspenders are back in style.
5. Of course not. It's for halloween.
4. Of course it's the same wedding band. Oh, those are just scratches.
3. No, I didn't stop shaving my toes.
2. Honey, I have to go to New Zealand on business next week.
1. Her lips are too full anyway.
- DesertElf
Top reasons you know you've been on the message boards too long:

1. You are accustomed to the sudden appearance of sponges.
2. You begin to write songs and poems about other posters.
3. You know what LSHIWMM means.
4. You often find yourself mamboing in a muumuu.
5. You cancel all friday night activities to attend karaoke at the PP.
6. You are starting to laugh at jokes about Kinder Surprise Eggs.
7. You are wearing mumus in real life as well as on the boards.
8. You are checking your backpack 100 times a day in case Frodo is REALLY in there.
9. You are about to lose your job! (TO Elf...!)
10. You have forgotten all about camping out at your mailbox for the membership packages, and spend all your time posting about it instead.
11. you are eating leftover movie popcorn from yesterday for lunch, because actually cooking might take you away from the computer for more than a couple of minutes!
12. You dream about mumus, honking, and what you are going to post next
13. You wrack your brains trying to think of good songs to remake for Karaoke night, then realize that Primula has taken all the *good* ones
14. Some one says something funny, and you blurt out MAMBO instead of laughing
15. You wear your frodo lives pin and fan club shirt to the grocery store, hoping to find someone who recignizes the logo.
16. You get call messaging so your friends and relatives think your gone, not spending obscene hours of the day on the computer
17. You wake up 2 hrs early to get your "morning duties" done so you can get on when the swooning crowd shows up.
18. You comb your kids hair for school, while sitting at the computer reading the previous nights threads.
19. The thought of Ghostwood and Gaffer in a mumu, really isn't that frightening
20. You look forward to cooking dinner, just so you can pull out those old "pans"
21. You consider showing up on Deciphers doorstep to *beg* for a convention
22. You find yourself laughing and muttering and realizing your all alone with noone but the computer
23. You develop skitzophrenic tendencies, going from laughing to crying to intellectual to administrative posts within a 5 minute time
- Rosie, Goldberry, and OldGaffer
The Top Ten Ways to Start a Debate on the Boards

10. "I don't see what all this Legolas business is about. I mean, Orlando Bloom can hardly be considered a good-looking guy, right?"
9. "Those MithrandirCQ and Redbeard chaps, they really have no clue about Tolkien, do they?"
8. "PJ utterly ruined the movie by omitting Tom Bombadil. Comments?"
7. "Elijah Wood is *SO* wearing blue-coloured contacts! I mean, really!"
6. "The Official Gollum Swooning Thread: Honk if you love slimy skin and bony fingers!"
5. "'They come in pints?': arguably the most UN-funny line in the film. Pippin needs to get a humour transplant."
4. "Lord of the Rings film: As boring as watching paint dry."
3. "Lord of the Rings film: As irritating as a potted cactus in a monkey's pyjamas."
2. "That 'Rosie moderator' character---she's really mean!"
1. "The hot dogs being served in theatres showing LOTR? Most atrocious excuses for preserved meat I've ever had the misfortune to taste!"
- Goldberry

Top Ten Things People Say About Characters In LOTR-

#10-Elrond-"Hey, it's Agent Smith!"
#9-Gimli-"Hey, it's Sallah!"
#8-Gandalf-"Hey, it's Magneto!"
#7-Legolas-"Hey, it's Zack from Saved by the Bell!" (Incorrect, I know, but I actually heard someone say that)
#6-Boromir-"Hey, it's 006!"
#5-Arwen-"Hey, it's Faye!"
#4-Galadriel-"Hey, it's Queen Elizabeth!"
#3-Aragorn-"Hey, it's Sam Loomis!"
#2-Sam-"Hey, it's Mikey Walsh!"
#1-(EVERY GIRL IN THE AUDIENCE)-"OY MY GOSH, IT'S ELIJAH WOOD!"
- Samwise Arandel
Top 10 actual posts on the LOTRfanclub Message Boards that make you go "huh?"

10. "Someone asked me today, how tall are Elijah, Sean, Billy, and Dom when they're not being hobbits?"
9. "wow, everyone must be on the other boards...*sigh* i'm so lonely...i'll just stare at pics of Orli for awhile then"
[reply:]
"Yeah, I'm flipping back and forth here.... but some messages are long!"
8. "The magick of Lothlorien Anybody who thinks Galadriel has powers on us come!"
7. [detailed informational post with links ending with:]
"PLEASE DON'T POST QUESTIONS HERE - USE THE EMAIL LINK TO ME ON THE SITE. (I also will not always have the time to check here for replies.) "
[immediate reply:]
"what's this thing about?? can you plaese tell me?"
6. "I thougt that the book was beautifull, but when you've seen the movie, it is really the most incredible movie I've ever seen, he is so good." [who?]
5. "Gandolf do u think he's dead or not"
4. "Has Anybody Bothered to read the "book" trilogy?????????
The Trilogy of lord of the rings are exactly three parts.
1.The fellowship of the ring
2.Two towers
3.Return of the king
I've seen on Nat'l Geographic that they are NOW making the sec. part, TWO TOWERS, of the triolgy lorde of the rings!"
[reply:]
"Thank the maker! When will it be on?? (TT thing)"
3. "After seeing the movie, I fell head-over-heels for Elijah Wood! Wow, he's so cute! Does anyone happen to have his email? I'd really appreciate it if I could get it! I desperately want to email him! Even better, if anyone knows if he has AIM! Email me at xxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.com....thanks a million!!!!!!! :)"
[run, Elijah!]
2. "why the 'Lord Of The Ring" no ending
are lord of the ring continues
there is no ending
can please tell me about the ending
they just reach the mountain and end
not good ending
on frist movie"
1. "does anyone know enough elfish to know what the word 9 means? I love the ring that the cast had tatooed on their finger also. I want to get it done on my finger!"
- Redbeard

You know you're a Ringer when...
  • You haven't removed the soundtrack from your C.D. player since you bought it.{and you don't mean too, you don't mean too.}
  • You have sssudenly developed a hisssing lisssp every time you sssay the letter ssss.
  • You are planning your december vacation around the release of TTT and the heck with Christmas with your family.
  • You have looked both on the net and in the phone book to see if archery and sword fighting lessions are offered in your area.
  • You are planning on buying the DVD the moment it is released and you don't even have a DVD player.
  • You have begun calling your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/animal or kid my precioussss.
  • You will happily travel over an hour to the next town to see "it" because that theater has a better sound system than the one 5 minutes down the road.
  • You have called every theatrical or specialty makeup company in town looking for pointy ear or hairy feet prosthetics.
  • You've worn your plastic "one ring" that came on your Legolas bookmark so much the gold is completely worn off.
  • When your boss fires you for being on the message boards at work the first thought that goes through your mind is " Cool, I can make the 2:15 show."[right, To Elf]
  • You've begun drafting a letter to the Webster's dictionary people requesting that they include "Ringers" in their next edition. {after all, why should the Trekkies have all the fun.}
  • You go in for surgery and before they put you under you hand the doctor a picture of the celtic #9 and you ask him if he can make your scar "look like this". Then when you wake up the first words out of your mouth are " can we make the 5 P.M. show?. {Lots of love Ararrat, get well soon and come back to us.}
  • You have recently gained a new understanding of the words love, honor, trust, hope and friendship and you have acted on this by telling at least one person how very much they mean to you.
- DesertElf

Top 10 Reasons why you should NOT listen to the soundtrack while driving

1. When dancing to Concerning Hobbits, your feet come off the pedals.
2. You mistake the rumbling of a flat tyre as part of the Nazgul theme.
3. It is hard to drive when you are crying your eyes out.
4. You crack the windscreen with your voice when trying to hit the high note sung by the choirboy in In Dreams.
5. You miss your junction on the motorway while trying to remember all the words to Aniron in elvish.
6. You get funny looks from other drivers as you blast out May It Be at the top of your voice.
7. When someone cuts you up, you don't shout 'Roadhog' but 'Balrog'! (This could be a good point!)
8. You stay too long in the middle lane while trying to turn the tape over. (naughty one this!)
9. You get a sore throat from number 6.
and last but not least,
10. When you get to the end of your journey, you cannot get out of the car, and start driving all the way back again!!!
- Cadsuane

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