Top Tens for Pippin
Top Ten Things Pippin may have Heard while Growing Up
10. Don’t go anywhere without a buddy.
9. Respect your Elders, especially when they’re bigger than you.
8. Quit throwing rocks down the well and bring in that water - I haven’t got all day!
7. Remember, you’ll be judged by the company you keep.
6. Stop asking so many questions! Do I look like a dictionary?
5. Get lost!
4. What, you can’t find your brooch again?
3. Go climb a tree!
2. Oh, grow up!
1. What, you think you’re some kind of hero?
Additional suggestions made:
How many times have I have I told you, Don't play with things that do not belong to you? (Anarelen)
Remember to always brush ya feet before dinner time! (m4sure)
Top Ten Things Gandalf thought about Pippin after the Moria well incident.
10. Throwing him in. (obviously)
9. "Hey Boromir, how about a nice hobbit-sized shield?"
8. "I wonder how he'd look as a toad?"
7. "Here Orcy, Orcy. Dinner!"
6. "Perhaps a life size bobble-head doll."
5. "Now that Bill's gone, we can use a good pack mule."
4. "Hobbit roast, Balrog style."
3. "Pippin, stay here and hold this door closed, we'll be right behind you."
2. "Maybe the troll would like to learn what second-breakfast tastes like."
And the number one
1. "Hey Pippin, Frodo thinks somebody's following us, be a dear and check it out please."
- The Foe Hammer
Pippin's Advice for Adventuring in Middle Earth.
1. Go on an adventure with a lot of friends, your mistakes are hidden
easier in large groups.
2. Always ask questions, no matter how stupid they sound. We're
talking volume here. Eventually something will sink in and you'll
3. Pack heavy, other cultures don't eat as often as we do.
4. Dropping things is a mixed bag, it appears that dropping jewelry
gets a positive response, dropping rocks, however, is frowned
5. The same rule applies to picking things up, especially big black
6. Another thing about other cultures, they like to speak in
riddles. I'm not talking like "Why did Farmer Maggot cross the
road?" I mean they use riddles to describe plain things. Like if
Aragorn is King and Boromir is jealous, why don't they just say
so? Why all this hinting around? "Isildur's Bane" and "Heir of
7. Be careful out there. Things aren't always what they seem, take
trees for instance ...
8. When in amongst the big people, be careful what you promise. Next
thing you know they're asking you to attend their barbecue with them
as the roastee.
9. It might pay to write a few letters home every now and again. You
tend to lose track of time on adventures, and things at home can
change in a big way.
10. Also, don't give people reason to call you names. One little
phrase can stick with you for an eternity!
(Oh, by the way, Farmer Maggot crosses the road because Merry and
I threw a rock there to distract him while we raided the crops.)
- The Foe Hammer
10 things that would have improved on the Journey of the Fellowship
if they had not taken a certain Hobbit named Peregrin "Fool of a"
1. They would have gone much faster - all those breaks for meals
they never imagined existed really slowed them down
2. The Ringwraiths would not have reached Bree until much later -
because then there would be nobody shouting drunk through the entire
PP who Frodo Baggins was, Frodo would not have fallen and used the
Ring by accident
3. Frodo would not have been stabbed at Weathertop - because then
there would be no one to come up with an idiotic idea to make a fire
and cook some tomato's, sausages and nice crispy bacon
4. Gandalf's mood would be much better during the Quest - he would
have been spared from foolish questions, be less irritated and
wouldn't have worries about events above, because they would never
5. They would have entered Moria peacefully - the Watcher in the
Water would still be asleep if formerly mentioned Hobbit hadn't
thrown a stone on its head
6. Gandalf wouldn't have fallen into Shadow - because being tied
up in a sack on his way home, formerly mentioned Hobbit wouldn't
have been able to toss a dead body in full armour, a bucket and an
iron chain into a well, thereby starting the Orcs who then woke the
Balrog who then took Gandalf
7. They would have spared a serious amount of Lembas - it wouldn't
have disappeared into the fiery casms of the Hobbit's stomache
8. Sam would also have been given a nice shiny dagger - because
Galadriel wouldn't have run out of them by a Hobbit formerly mentioned
who lost it anyway on the first occasion he had
9. Boromir would probably have lived - some Hobbit wouldn't have
jumped out of the bushes to stop Frodo from leaving and into view of
a dozen of Uruk-Hai he had to be saved from by the Son of Gondor
10. The Fellowship wouldn't have fallen apart - Aragorn, Legolas
and Gimli (and possibly Boromir as well, considering #9) would have
been able to follow Frodo and Sam into the very fires of Mordor,
if they didn't have to save formerly mentioned Hobbit from torment