The Top Ten Signs You Might Be Obsessed With Legolas:
When someone irritates you, you wait until they turn their backs,
and then dart to your feet with elf-like grace and shoot phantom
arrows into their back.
You find yourself stroking the dashboard of your car and whispering,
"Noro lim, Arod!"
You've taken to braiding the sides of your hair, and will only smile
mysteriously and giddily when someone asks you why.
His action figure has its own little pillow on the other side of
You've taken to hanging out with people of dimunitive nature who
carry axes and speak in gruff Scottish accents.
Against all your family's best advice, you've been sleeping in a
tree in the back yard since the movie came out.
You become endlessly mired in snow drifts by trying to dance lightly
across the top of them, elf-fashion.
When introducing yourself, you add, "..son of Thranduil" at the end,
even if you're female.
You find yourself nodding and smiling and muttering, "ExACTly!" while
reading TO Elf's posts on the Fellowship board. (With many apologies
to the most excellent and elf-obsessed TO Elf! ;)
Against all your doctor's best advice, you have started to file your ears into points.
10 reasons, why you should n o t marry Legolas
1. He needs half an hour longer in the bathroom than you.
2. His father lives in a cave!
3. He borrows your mumus without asking.
4. When you ask him to deliver a message for you he goes on tour
with his buddies instead.
5. He is 2931 years old and still not married - come on, something
must be wrong with him!
6. He looks far better in your mumus than you!
7. He tends to speak in tongues at times.
8. He loves dangerous sports like stair-surfing, trick-riding,
9. He suffers from a weird dwarf fixation.
10. Seriously: how could anybody find 10! reasons not to marry
Legolas??? It was hard enough to find 9!!!
Definitely no offence meant to Legolas...oh no, never, no....sigh...
Top ten reasons Legolas went to Rivendell and joined the quest.
10. Actually went looking for Bilbo to thank him for getting his dad to lighten up.
9. Dwarves were starting to move into his neighborhood anyway.
8. He heard Arwen was available since her dad did not approve of some scruffy looking ranger for a suitor.
7. Thousands of years in a place called Mirkwood and you'd look for a change of scenery too.
6. Got tired of Glorfindel showing him up all the time.
5. Heard they had a better Lembas recipe.
4. Wanted to see who this Alan Lee guy is and what he knows about elvish architecture.
3. Actually didn't know about the quest, it
seems he was an avid follower of a band called the Smashing Mushrooms
and they weren't playing Mirkwood that year.
2. Daddy never lets him where his green tights at home. And a young elf must express himself.
And the number one reason Legolas went to Rivendell and joined the quest is.
1. Thranduil wouldn't hire an exterminator and he suffers from Arachnophobia.
- The Foe Hammer
Top 10 reasons why Leggy never got dirty
10.he brushed his hair when no one was looking
9.he had the LOTR hair stylest in his boot
8.he owns the book called sacred Elven gide to impeccable hygene
7.he was a cat in his last life
6.what the water bottles where really used for
5.he and Gimli had braiding parties
4.he owned a bottle of goo-b-gone
3.it was really a stunt double
2.what the mirror of Galadrial was really used for
and the number 1 reason Leggy never got dirty
1.Harry Potter gave him a cleaning potion
Top Ten Reasons Legolas Spent Time Away From The Fellowship While In Caras Galadhon:
10. Sam kept eavesdropping on private conversations he had with a female elf.
9. Gimli kept asking him if he would get him Galadriel’s autograph.
8. Frodo kept sneaking up behind him while wearing the ring and saying “BOO!”
7. He would have starved because the hobbits kept snitching food off his plate when he wasn’t looking.
6. Merry and Pippen wanted him to help them build a tree house.
5. He was obligated to spend time with the relatives (we’ve all been down that road).
4. He needed to have his braids redone at the Braids-R-Us Salon.
3. He was tired of watching Frodo and Sam making faces in Galadriel’s mirror.
2. He couldn’t stand to listen to Boromir singing Three Coins in the Fountain while in the shower.
And the number one reason Legolas spent time away from the Fellowship while in Caras Galadhon:
1. Tolkien wrote it that way.
Top Ten Birthday Presents That You Wouldn’t Want To Give To Legolas and Why
10. Binoculars – He’s DEFINITELY doesn’t have a problem seeing distances!
9. A Subscription to The Hair Club for Men – Yeah right. Whoever saw a balding elf?
8. A Bow With Arrows That Have Suction Cups – WARNING!! This could jeopardize your health!
7. Hair Ribbons – See the above warning.
6. An All Expense Paid Vacation to Go Spelunking – No doubt he would
offer gold to be excused from this so if you’re looking to make some
5. A Clock – Time doesn’t mean anything to someone who’s immortal.
4. A Membership to a Gym – Pointless.
3. A Scale – Whoever saw an Elf that needed to lose weight?
2. A Gift Certificate to a Hair Salon – Useless. He no doubt knows more about hair then they do!
1. Éowyn’s Stew – Now this is just plain twisted!