Top Ten reasons to Marry a Dwarf
(10) You will always be financially well-off.
(9) You will always be prettier than any dwarf woman.
(8) He’s really handy around the house with that axe.
(7) You can belch in front of him and he thinks you are flirting with him.
(6) If you forget to shave your legs, he won’t mind in the least.
(5) Your only competition would be some elf-witch who yanked some hair off her head.
(4) He’s always off on some quest, so you have the house to yourself.
(3) He brings home some good-looking elves for dinner.
(2) A good MAN is hard to find, so why not go with the dwarf?
And the #1 reason to marry a dwarf....................
(1) Nothing says love like Mithril.
Ten Things We Wonder About Gimli
(in no particular order)
10. Did the Dwarves really keep their own language mostly
secret, or was Prof. Tolkien just kind of stumped on how to make a good Dwarf
9. What do dwarves eat when they are so far underground?
8. What happened to him when he went over the sea? Did he
even survive the voyage?
7. How much did he weigh with armor? Could Aragorn really
6. Did he stand to inherit what remained of Gloin's share of
Smaug's wealth? And did this make him the equivalent of a high nobleman's son
in dwarf terms?
5. Who was his mother, and why wasn't she ever named? Did he
have any siblings?
4. Did he really expect to find any of his relatives still
alive in Moria? Or was it all a brave show?
3. How fast could he really run?
2. What did the other Dwarves think when he asked them to
come work on a Man's city?
1. Did he ever go back and get that book of Balin's from
Top ten reasons you know you’re obsessed with Gimli::
(10) You try growing a ZZ-top beard, even if you are a woman.
(9) You really, really, REALLY hate all the attention Legolas gets.
(8) You will only watch disc two of the FOTR EE DVD, cause that’s when he shows up.
(7) You find short, hairy, grumpy men endearing.
(6) You constantly shout “You have my axe!” when a friend asks for help.
(5) You kinda think Treebeard is cute too. Must be that voice.............
(4) You daydream about braiding his beard.
(3) You can’t stand when he flirts with Eowyn.
(2) you REALLY can’t stand Galadriel.
And the #1 reason you know you are obsessed with Gimli....................
(1) Your name is either Samwisegirl or Gimli’s Goat.
(11) You won't hear of being picked up and thrown... you won't even eat a "tossed" salad!
The Top Ten reasons Gimli joined the Fellowship
10. He had already gone this far, why not all the way?
9. He wasn't going to be shown up by an Elf!
8. He had a bone to pick with the Ring for braking his axe
7. He wasn't going to be shown up by an Elf!!
6. None of the other Dwarves had speaking parts so he figured he had to go
5. He wasn't going to be shown up by an Elf!!!
4. He wanted to get away from that Elven city, so he went with the first group leaving
3. He wasn't going to be shown up by an Elf!!!!
2. He's not the kind of Dwarf to jump into things, but when Aragorn thretened to toss him...
And for the number one...
1. He was not going to be shown up by an Elf!!!!!
Top 10 reasons not to attack a dwarf………..
10) They have a fairly big family who will probably vow revenge
9) They will be in possession of a sharp pointy axe
8) Dwarves wear chain mail, you probably won’t hurt him
7) Because they are the good guys! (forget the Nauglafring incident, the elves fault)
6) Because they saved Dale in the War of the Ring
5) Because it might annoy Aule
4) Because they are taught to kill when they are young
3) Because they are heavy, you might get squashed
2) Did you not see Gimli at Balin’s tomb?
Because “…men, men are weak…”
- Gimli's Goat
Ten birthday presents you wouldn't want to give Gimli:
10. A moustache-trimming and waxing set.
9. Rubber safety tips for his axe.
8. A nice, light salad with nonfat dressing.
7. A fillet knife. (What? You want it off the bone?)
6. Tanning lotion.
5. A gift certificate for a manicure.
4. A wood-burning kit. (This is useless! Hand me my chisel.)
3. A handy Pocket Guide to Elven Constellations.
2. A solar-powered flashlight. (Drat, it went out again - now I'll have to hike 25 miles back to the surface to recharge it!)