Top Tens for the Balrog

Contents of this page:
10 Rules for Balrog Children
Top Ten Things Gandalf Hated about the Balrog
Top Ten Things NOT to do with a Balrog
Top 10 Reasons to have a Balrog as a House Mate

10 Rules for Balrog Children

1 - Always keep your 'inner' fire burning hot

2 - Eat lots of Orcs

3 - Goblins can be tasty, if grilled

4 - Stay away from the 'Moria Fire Brigade'

5 - The number 'nine' is unlucky

6 - Don't breathe on you little sisters/brothers

7 - Cave trolls make good 'defensive linemen'

8 - Never trust an 'elf' with a bow and arrow

9 - Grey Wizards wearing 'pointy hats' are dangerous

10 - NEVER play near the Bridge of Kazad-Dum!

 - Shelob


11. Stay out of the rain. – Gimli’s goat

12. Lose your temper regularly – Lilywillow

13. Keep off the gas. - Primula

Top Ten Things Gandalf Hated about the Balrog.

10. Kept humming "Oooh, oooh, oooh, I'm on fire" as they fell down the chasm.

9. Have you ever tried to get that smoke smell out of your robes? (Why do you think he switched to white?)

8. I don't think there is an anti-perspirant made that is "Balrog strength".

7. He keeps burning all my good staffs.

6. Kept asking me, "hey Gandalf, need a light for that pipe?" Very funny.

5. Never could cook dinner without burning everything.

4. He was always showing off for Iluvatar. "You think that's a fire, watch this!"

3. That breath, ever hear of a tic-tac, Flame of Udun!

2. The gas bill, hasn't he ever heard we have an energy shortage.

And the number one thing Gandalf hated about the Balrog...

1. The spell wasn't supposed to break the bridge it was supposed to reinforce the bridge. How did I know that fat tub of brimstone gained weight?
- The Foe Hammer

Top Ten Things NOT to do with a Balrog

10. Visit an ice carving demonstration.

9. Play hockey.

8. Go ice-fishing.

7. Visit a tanning salon.

6. Eat ice cream.

5. Have a sauna.

4. Go to a talent show (see earlier stupid jokes)

3. Go on an Alaskan Cruise.

2. Play tag.

And the number one thing NOT to do with a Balrog is....

1. Check out a gas leak.

- The Foe Hammer


11. Holding hands. – Idril

12: Building snow-men, or making snow-angels. – Primula

Top 10 Reasons to have a Balrog as a House Mate

10. no one would bully your kids at school.

9. you would never be out of hot water again.

8. no need to buy propane for your bar-b-que (or 'throw another shrimp on the bar-by' would have new meaning) .

7. you'd never have to look for matches during a power outage.

6. you'd always have enough charcoal for your sketching.

5. never have to share an elevator or taxi cab again.

4. friends will be nice to you, total strangers will call you 'sir'.

3. you always get the parking spot, even if the other guy was there waiting, first.

2. toasting marshmallows while camping would be more interesting.

1. can you say 'heated pool' and 'hot tub' ?
- boriel