Top Tens about the Message Boards

Contents of this page:

Top 10 New Message Boards
The One Thread
Ten Actual Posts from each Message Board
Things you Never Thought you'd hear them say on the Boards
Top Ten things for Ringers to do after the ROTK Extended Edition DVD comes out
Top Ten Signs of NOG Withdrawl
Top Ten Things I Never Want to See on these Boards
Top Ten Reasons Aragorn Left the Boards
How Slow Are These Boards...?

I think we need to do a top 10 new message board thread

Lets see, How about...

"The House of Healing " for all of us who are sick and like to share the misery

"The Party Tree " just for birthdays

"The Cotton's Front Porch " for the flirty/lookin for love types.

The Dueling Wizards Room For the mods to gripe about annoying posters, the posters to gripe about annoying mods, the mods to take a few pokes at each other, and everyone to take a few pokes at Decipher who can't give us a new Message Board.  

The FOLOTRA B (Families of LOTR Addicts Board) -  kindof a support group   (Rosie)

The " Look What I Found" Board for collectible discussions.

The "I Don't Mean to Get Off on a Rant Here" board for politics, protest, religion and other complaints about society.

"The Flames of Middle-Earth" - self explanatory just come here to box it out.

The "Is This Thing Working" Board - "are you here", "can you hear me now", or "did you get my mail?" posts

"The Rodney King" Board - after a visit to the Flame Board stop in for a "Why can't we all get along" poem from the Foe Hammer or some other namby pamby poster.

The "Get a Life" Board - everyone's only allowed to post once. This board is for people who lurk on the other boards for a while. Seeing how crazy we are they decide to leave, but just want to fire a parting shot.  (The Foe Hammer)

Radagasts Room. ....for discussions of pets and other animals. (Hobbitlove)

Oh yeah, Let's also have a 'Want a Little Cheese w/your WHINE board?   ( Shelob)


The One Thread

"The post is still in your text box"
"Oh...heh it is."


"Gentlemen! We do not stop until nightfall."

But what about the Pony threads?"

"You've already replied to one."

"We've replied to *one* yes, but what about a second post?"

"Don't think he knows about second posts, Pip."

"What about Middle Earth? Bag End? Rivendell? The Fellowship? Inklings? He knows about them....doesn't he?"

"I wouldn't count on it."


Gandalf: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee! Have you been posting?

Sam: I ain't been posting, sir, honest! I was just lurking a little under the message board there, if you follow me.

Gandalf: A little late for just lurking, don't you think? What did you post - speak!

Sam: N-n-n-nothing! Just something about a Fanclub, a Green Mod and somethin' about The Fellowship Board. Don't hurt me - please don't turn me into someone clueless about Tolkien!

Gandalf: Nooo? I have something better in mind for you...
(the next morning) Come along, Samwise, keep posting!


Boromir: I see your mind! You will take your posts to TOR.n! You will betray us! You go to your deletion, and the deletion of us all! Ban you, ban you and all the Fanclub!

*falls and eats a mouthful of old threads*


Frodo: What do you want?
Strider: A little more caution from you - it is no small temptation, the message boards.
Frodo: I post nothing.
Strider: Really? I can go about posting now and then when I wish - but to post continuously! That is a rare gift.
Frodo: Who are you?
Strider: Are you posting this?
Frodo: Yes.
Strider: Not nearly posting enough. I know what draws you!


(in Moria)

Legolas: Ringers!

Aragorn: Get back! Stay with Gandalf!

Boromir:They have a moderator!

Gimli: Grrrrr! Let them post! There is yet one dwarf in Moria who still writes in ink!


Frodo snaps awake: What are you doing?!

Merry: Off-topic posts, one-word replies and nice, unreadable chat-slang.

Sam: We saved some room for you to reply, Mr. Frodo.

Frodo: Put a stop to it, you fools! Put a stop to it!

Pippin: Well, that's nice. Edits to my posts!

*unworldly shrieking fills the air*

*We see five moderators converging on the posts through a misty swirl of meaningless words*

All: (gasp)

Frodo: The moderators! No! Run!


Frodo: What are they?

Strider: They were once normal. Great icons of normality. But then Peter Jackson brought to them Nine Threads of Tolkien. Blinded to their fanaticism, they posted on them without question, one by one falling into the habit...and now they are slaves to the message board. They are the Fanclub. Neither together nor apart. At all times they feel the presence of it ...drawn to the lure of the boards. They will never stop posting there!


Gandalf: *knocks on door*

Bilbo: No thank you! We don't want anymore congratulations on numbers of posts, meaningless polls of opinions or confused newbies!

Gandalf: What about very old threads?

Bilbo: *opening door* Gandalf? My dear Gandalf!

Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins - One hundred and eleven posts in one day! Who would have ever believed it? And you don't appear to have been deleted at all!
Bilbo: *smiles*


Bilbo: It's my old message board - here, take it, take it!

Frodo: It's so addictive!

Bilbo: Yes, yes - made by Decipher, you know. They edit out the blue-streaks when they are about. And it's times like that, my lad, when you have to be extra careful. Now, here's a pretty thing -- acronyms and :-)'s ! Light to say and harrrrd to not add. Go ahead - post with them, post!


Sam: I made a promise, Mr. Frodo, a promise! Don't you ever stop posting, Samwise Gamgee. And I don't mean to.


Treebeard: Little lurkers! Buraroom!

Merry: We're not lurkers! We're posters!

Treebeard: Posters? Never heard of a poster before....sound like lurk-mischief to me!


Theoden: Look at my fans! Their postings hang upon a thread!


Aragorn: (digging up an old topic) Not idly to the theories of Tolkien fall.

Legolas: There may yet be discussion in it. Come on, Gimli, we're gaining a grasp of it!

Gimli: We dwarves are wasted on essays. We're natural one-liners! Very dangerous on short reply postings.


Frodo: That was your handle once, wasn't it?



Galadriel: In his heart, Frodo is beginning to realize...the boards...will claim his time.


Grima: Oh dear.... it must have been deleted, sometime in the night....what a pity for the King to lose his only posting...


Where is the post and the typer?
Where is the screen that was glowing?
They have passed like words in a chatroom,
Like newbies on the message boards...
- Primula and Bluebell

"It's working!"
"I know it's working! Post!"  (halavana)

Boromir: One does not simply lurk in Middle Earth! ..Its gates are guarded by more than just moderators; there are posters there that do not sleep, and the place is riddled with discussions, musings, humor, and poetry! The very air you breathe is heavy with inklings. Not with 10,000 RW jobs to do can you resist posting! Lurking? It is folly!  (Linaewen)

If you ask it of me, I will post for you... I know what I must do; it's just I'm afraid to post. (Ladyhawk)

"You shall be...the Members of the Boards!"  "Great! Where are we posting?"  (TrebleMaker)

Boromir: Have you seen it, Aragorn? The white fingers of the posters as they type, even though it is past midnight? Their eyes glimmering with fatigue and weariness? Have you heard them called home by the clear voices of their families who are waiting to be fed?... One day, their threads will lead them there, and the Moderators will take up the call, "The Lords of Posting must return!"   (Linaewen)

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there are still some good posts in this world, Mr. Frodo!

Gollum: "Don't look at the posts! Hobbits go down...make little blue posts of their own." (Laerindae)

The thread goes ever on and on,
Down from the post where it began

Now far ahead the thread has gone,
And I must post it where I can!    (Old Toby)

Frodo: I wish I had never come to the boards
Gandalf: ' so do all who live on the boards, but that is not for them to deny...all they have to decide is what to read and what to not be too quick to deal out kleenex warnings or LOL's for only the inklers can see the end.'  (boriel)

From Avondster:
Gimli: Oh yes, just a simple matter of finding a way through ME, an impassable labyrinth of razor-sharp discussions. And after that, it gets even better! An inspiring row of threads, as far as the eye can see!

Aragorn: Those are our Boards.


Aragorn: You fell...

Gandalf: Through filters and lurkers. From the lowest threads to the highest post I fought the trespassing poster. Until at last I deleted my enemy and moved his post to the Trash Directory. Decipher took me... and I strayed out of ME and PP, the threads wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as Oscar night at the Pony. But it was not the end, I felt life in my keyboard again. I was sent back here, until my task is done.

Aragorn: Gandalf...

Gandalf: Gandalf? Yes... that was what they used to call me. Gandalf the Blue, that was my handle. I am Gandalf the Green. And I come back to you now, at the turn of the Boards.


Gandalf: Theoden, son of Thengel, too long have you sat behind your computer.

(A little later, Gandalf takes Theoden outside)

Gandalf: Breathe the free air again, my friend.

(Theoden sniffs, and looks at Gandalf)

Theoden: Where is my own thread? Where is my post?

(Theoden goes back to his desk. Gandalf rolls his eyes at Aragorn)


Frodo: You know the URL for the boards.
Gollum: Yes.
Frodo: You've posted there before.
Gollum: Yes.
Frodo: You will send us the link to the ME board!


Gandalf: Post, you fools!


Aragorn: You have my DSL.
Legolas: And my Netscape.
Gimli: And my Explorer.
::Legolas gives Gimli a nasty look::


Pippin: You need someone with a fast connection for this board... internet... thing.
Merry: Well, that rules YOU out, Pip!


Elrond: Our list of Newbies grows thin!


Arwen to Aragorn: I choose Dial-Up!


Gandalf the Green: You Shall Not Post!


Theoden: You must lead the people to Middle Earth!


Gollum: Filthy little filters! They starred us!


Treebeard: Many of these inklings were my friends... stories I had read since chapter one!


Sam: Do you want to know what happened to Boromir? Do you want to know why your brother died? He tried to take the greenness from Frodo. After swearing an oath to protect him, he tried to have him deleted! The boards drove your brother mad!


Eomer: Saruman has edited the posts of the king and claimed lordship of the keyboard!


Legolas: This thread is old... very old... full of puns and one-liners!


Hey Ho! To the boards I go!
To post some stuff... I've got time to blow.
The kids may call, the dinner grow mold,
But there'll still be....
Many posts to post!

Sweet is the sound of clacking keys
:-) and (((hugs))) put my heart at ease
But better than (((hugs))) and smiles bright
Is Karaoke at the Pony tonight!