Gil-Galad Elven King's Top 10 Lists

Contents of this page:
Top 10 Things You Are [Unknowingly] Looking Forward To Seeing In The Two Towers [hehe]
Top 10 television shows for the characters of Lord of the Rings to star in, after the movies
Top 10 music chart for Middle Earth
Top 10 items on a Middle Earth menu
Top 10 unknown facts about FOTR
10 Lines That Would Have Changed The Course of FOTR
Top 10 reasons why an Elven King writes Top 10 lists
Top 10 reasons why the LOTR characters would never make it in the real world.
Top 10 Rejected Names for LOTR Characters
8 things that would have been different if LOTR had been a movie musical
10 Things That Would Have Been Funny if They'd Been in LOTR
Top 11 LOTR Movie lines that could be improved by adding "Without Pants"
Top 10 Signs You've Been on The Board To Long For Today
Top 10 Signs You are WAAAAAAAAAAY To Addicated To LOTR


Top 10 Things You Are [Unknowingly] Looking Forward To Seeing In The Two Towers [hehe]

10. The scene were Legolas shaves off Gimli's beard in the middle of the night as a 'practical joke'.
9. The evlish break-dancing musical number.
8. Sauron calling a stop to it all, saying that he'd 'Finally found Jesus.'
7. Sam, in despair in the marshes, admitting to Frodo that he likes him as, 'More then a friend, Mr. Frodo.'
6. The remaining members of the Fellowship finding out that there's actually only one tower left.
5. Pippin admitting an obsession for something called...'Star Wars'.
4. 'We're knights of Rohan's round table, we dance whenever we're able...'
3. Elrond, Queen of the Desert [all you Hugo Weaving fans will get this one]
2. Aragorn declaring himself Captain Chin-Pit, King of the Cheekbones ;p
and the number one reason, to follow in my long line of Tim postings
1. The Witch - King, Lord of Angmar admitting that, 'There are some who call me...Tim?'
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Not to mention

11. The last minute contingency of the dwarf army arriving from the Iron Hills and having to be packed behind each Rider of Rohan because none of them will ride a horse otherwise.
12. Pippin and Merry playing Nine-Pins with the palantir to pass the time.
13. Aragorn having to show his picture ID to the Dead before they will follow him.

hee hee hee...sorry, this is too much fun. And it was all your fault starting it going again!

- Primula

Top 10 television shows for the characters of Lord of the Rings to star in, after the movies

10. Merry and Pippin [think Starsky and Hutch]
9. Genealogy Live! with Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Isildur etc. etc.
8. Who Wants To Be A Ringbearer? with Elrond
7. Survivor - Mordor
6. Witch-King [think Monty Python], featuring the styled comedy and antics of the nine Nazgul - 'There are some who call me...Tim?'
5. Home and Gardens, hosted by Samwise Gamgee
4. Boromir the Uruk-Hai Slayer
3. The Tonight Show with Sauron - 'Tonights guest, the Tower Assassin; lets give him a big hand folks.'
2. The Mr. Science Hour, hosted by Mithrandir
and the number one television show staring a character from LOTR -
1. Middle-Earth's Funniest Home Video's, hosted by Pippin and Merry.
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Top 10 music chart for Middle Earth

10 'You Drive Me Crazy' by Isildur and the Numenoreans
9 'I'm Aragorn the Second I am [in the vain of Henry the 8th] by King Elessar
8 'I've Got You Babe' by Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins
7 'Everyday I Die A Litte More' by Boromir, son of Denethor
6 'Walk Like A Halfling' by Bilbo Baggins and the Four Hobbits
5 'I've Got To Get Through This' by Gandalf [for all you UK boarders out there]
4 'Don't Fear The Ringwraiths' [in the vein of Don't Fear The Reaper] by the Blue Oyster Fellowship
3 'Oops...I Did It Again' by Pippin Took
2 'Winter Wonderland' by the Caradhras Gang
and number 1 on the Middle Earth charts
1. 'OrcStreet Boy Are Back' by the OrcStreet Boys [a low blow, but so easy it would be a crime not to take advantage of]
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Top 10 items on a Middle Earth menu

10. King Elessar Ecclairs
9. Arwen's Carmel Candy Apples
8. Boromir's Big Bawana Buger
7. Pippin's Pint O'Pancakes
6. Merry's Miracle Mystery Meat [i.e. bologna; yes, I had to go to my fridge to figure out how to spell it]
5. The Mines O'Moria Milkshake
4. Frodo Fries
3. Bilbo Baggels
2. Celeborn's Incidental Character Cakes
and the number 1 item on a Middle Earth menu is...
1. The Witch-King Whopper [otherwise known as the 'There Are Some Who Call Me...Tim?' Burger]
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Top 10 unknown facts about FOTR

10. Galadriel owns stock in the Big Bright Neon Light Company
9. Gimli doesn't actually know WHAT mithril is
8. Bill the Pony was played by Robert De Niro
7. Frodo's darkest secret - he really likes Star Wars
6. All those 'accidents' just prove that Pippin was really an agent of the Dark Lord Sauron
5. Saruman was always getting Sauron's mail [that's what happens with similier names]
4. Orcs - elves with bad sunburns
3. Isildur actually did destory the One Ring, and just carried around a duplicate as a big practical joke.
2. Gil-Galad and Elendil - heroes of Middle Earth or just bad sports who wanted to get rid of a noisy neighbor?
The number 1 unkown fact of FOTR
1 His name actually is...Tim?
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

10 Lines That Would Have Changed The Course of FOTR

10. Aragorn - 'For I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to...ah, never mind, just call me Chuck.'
9. Boromir - 'Why, yes, now that you mention it, my mind has been on that ring for a while now...'
8. Elrond - 'I'm going to enjoy healing you, Mr. Frodo.'
7. Gandalf - 'Sorry, I ment the OTHER bridge of Khazad-Dum, my bad.'
6. Pippin - 'I don't know, a pint really is quite a lot for a little fellow like me and I have been trying to cut down, you know.'
5. Frodo - 'Don't look at me, I ain't taking it.'
4. Legolas - 'Why yes, interior decorating WAS my first career choice.'
3. Gimli - 'I really don't have time for a fellowship, what with my beard brading and all...'
2. Gil-Galad - 'Can't we all just get along?'
and the number one line that would have changed the course of FOTR [to use something from a previous post of mine]
1. The Witch-King - 'There are some who call me...Tim?'
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Top 10 reasons why an Elven King writes Top 10 lists

10 To induce massive Muumuu wetting
9 To much Lembas for dinner
8 On as little sleep as this Elven King's had, you'd do the same
7 Because the hobbit voices in my head tell me to...
6 It's either this or...[shivers] British TV.
5 Well, what else is there to do until December?
4 Because it's funny when you mix pop culture references and hairy short people. heh
3 Because I can only sing through The Hobbit - The Musical so many times
2 I am an ELVEN KING after all.
and the number 1 reason is...
1 There are some who call me...Tim?
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Top 10 reasons why the LOTR characters would never make it in the real world.

10. Aragorn would never be able to get a job or get into college. I mean, common, how would you like to fill out an application as 'Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Isildur, also King Elessar, Strider, Dunedain, etc...'
9. The Hobbits...well, I suppose they could always repeal the laws on Midgit Tossin in Florida...
8. Sauron...well, with the exception of the middle east, there really isn't all that big an opening for an all ruling dark lord.
7. Gimli...beard brading just doesn't pay what it used to.
6. Galadriel - well, I just don't think a neon glowing lady would really have all that much to offer the world nowadays.
5. Poor Gandalf, there just isn't a career in wearing pointy hats and traveling around doing magic nowadays.
4. Gil-Galad and Elendil...look at what people think of Sigfried and Roy; not a good thought.
3. Elrond...okay, supposedly he could get a job as a talk show house. Maybe 'Today with the Council of Elrond'?
2. Barliman Butterbur is just far to kind for a modern day bartender/inkeeper.
and the number 1 reason [and you should all see this one coming]
1. There is none who would call them...Tim?
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Top 10 Rejected Names for LOTR Characters

10. Instead of Aragorn, son of Arathorn, it was 'Chuck, illegitimate brat of Earl'
9. Instead of Gimli, son of Gloin, it was 'Stumpy, son of Shorty'
8. Elrond was orginally 'Agent Elrond' [not really a big evolutionary leap there, I guess]
7. Legolas was 'Fabricio, Decorator of the Interior' [I'm sensning a running gag in my Legolas references]
6. Bilbo...well, we'll leave that one well alone
5. Boromir was 'Benadict Arnold' [don't see a corilating thread there, says I sarcasticly]
4. Theoden, King of the Mark, was 'Captain Smith, Master of the Titanic' [okay, okay, that's stooping a bit low, but I thought it was a funny comparision]
3. Arwen was originally Nameless female elf so that Galadriel wouldn't feel so alone'
2. Gandalf was originally 'J.R.R. Tolkien' [a most mythical creature, from all I hear ;]
and the number one rejected name for a LOTR character [and if you didn't see this one coming a mile away, there is definitely something wrong]
1. The Witch-King was 'the one that some call...Tim?'
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

8 things that would have been different if LOTR had been a movie musical

1. The all singing, all dancing Orc Troup, doing their rendition of "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?"
2. Gandalf and Saruman's end of friendship duet, "Do You Believe In Magic?" (with David Bowie playing Saruman, and Steven Tyler playing Gandalf)
3. Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman = Aragorn and Arwen
4. Ah, the wonderful tune of "Asfaloth with the fringe on top" (for all you Oklahoma! fans)
5. "I'm Just a sweet Elf Lord, from Mirkwood, Middle-Earth" (for all you Rocky Horror Picture Show fans)
6. You ever seen a Hobbit tap dance? Now you would (and without shoes too, if you can figure that out)
7. "The Hills are alive, with the sounds of Balrogs"
8. The four Hobbits in a classic number called "Staying Alive"
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

10 Things That Would Have Been Funny if They'd Been in LOTR

1. A Fellowship rendition of "YMCA"
2. Gandalf make a balloon animal.
3. Gimli singing "I'm a luberjack and I'm okay..."
4. Merry & Pipping starring in: "The Odd Couple".
5. The best selling novel by Boromir: "How to avoid temptation and conquer the Dark Lords of our soul"
6. Sam Gamgee's Happy Gardening Hour, the new PBS hit-show.
7. Doctor Elrond, Medicin Elf
8. Celeborn's self help book: "How to feel good about yourself when you seem to not be important"
9. Club Mordor.
10. Rohan for men - "I'm not only the President, I'm also a member."
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Top 11 LOTR Movie lines that could be improved by adding "Without Pants"

11. "Nobody tosses a dwarf...without pants."
10. "I am leaving now...without pants."
9. "A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisly when he means to...without pants."
8. "Long has the blood of my people kept your lands free...without pants!"
7. "Nasty Bagginses...without pants."
6. "If you want him, come and claim him...without pants!"
5. "Find the halflings...without pants!"
4. "She said there was no hope for my land...without pants."
3. "I would have followed you into Mordor itself...without pants."
2. "So, where are we going...without pants?"
1. "You...shall not...pass...without pants!"
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Top 10 Signs You've Been on The Board To Long For Today

10. You've understood every single thread
9. You've understood every single thread...since 9Am this morning, and it's 10:30 at night.
8. One...single...word: HONK!
7. You start to believe you can actually consume the pints and bits o'Lembas offered to you on the boards.
6. Merry is standing beside you telling you how good those pints are.
5. Pippin is telling you he didn't know those came in pints.
4. You start hearing in your head: "Are you tired?" "Yes." "Not nearly tired enough!"
3. YOU start looking like a Nazgul.
2. You are really starting to sympathize with that poor, misunderstood Sauron.
and the number 1 sign that you've been on the board to long for today:
1. Your mantra is now:
"One board to board to rule them,
One board to find them.
One board to bring them all,
And in the darkness bind them."
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

Top 10 Signs You are WAAAAAAAAAAY To Addicated To LOTR

10. You post on this board.
9. You post on this board and you've met people from it.
8. your significant other has gotten used to you spurting out "Oh Arwen/Aragorn" in the middle of the night.
7. Every time you send a message through a fax machine, you find yourself quickly chanting, "Go, Shadowfax, fly like the wind!"
6. You start thinking that hillside you pass everyday on the way to work would be a great place to build a home in (of this, I am guilty :).
5. You have yet to realize that wearing elf ears, a muumuu and eating pita pockets does not an elf make.
4. You decided, to heck with your diet, you're having elevensies!
3. Every time you hear your newly bought pet goose, you yell, "The horn of Gondor!" and run towards it.
2. You're determined to prove to friends that your family line does go back to a "Boromir, Lord of Gondor".
and the #1 sign:
1. Your friends have started a group for you, called "Ringaholics Anonymous" (and you go there so you can chat with everyone else from the Boards who was sent there by friends/family ;)
- Gil-Galad, Elven King

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