The Two Towers Parody

by Lordofthejedi17

Part 8

The Banishment of Eomer

*Eomer and his troops return to Edoras*

Eowyn: Theodred! My cousin is hurt.

Eomer: We know, can you check him out, sis?

Eowyn: (looks at the wounds) That’s not good.

Eomer: We were kind of sure of that.

*In the Hall...*

Eowyn: Your son’s hurt Uncle.

Theoden: I should’ve stopped the ship...

Eomer: Does he still think he’s the captain of the Titanic?

Eowyn: Afraid so. Saruman’s hasn’t been helping either.

Eomer: Hey, old man, Saruman is destroying us.

Wormtongue: No, that’s a lie, you are on a ocean liner and it just hit an iceberg. Traitor!

Theoden: Nooooooo... close the watertight bulkheads!

Eomer: Uncle, this is not the Titanic, this is Rohan, you’re the king!

Theoden: STOP CONFUSING ME! Who am I?

Eomer: You’re the King of Rohan...

Wormtongue: He’s a traitor, you’re the captain...

Eomer: My lord, Orcs bearing the white hand of Saruman attacked your son and his men. He lies near death.

Theoden: Mehhhh...

Wormtongue: Lies! Deceit! He’s a traitor!

*Eomer grabs Wormtongue*

Eomer: Do you do anything around here besides shouting "Traitor"?

Wormtongue: Well, yes...

Eomer: That does not involve my sister.

Wormtongue: As a matter of fact, I don't. And just for that, you're banished.

Eomer: You can’t banish me, it doesn’t happen in the book.

Wormtongue: Screw the book, Traitor.

Eomer: Aw. (walking away) What’s next, Boromir gonna return?


Part 9
The Uruk Hai

*The Uruk-hai run with our heroes after them*

Legolas: I see someone off in the distance, a man.

Aragorn: Can’t be the Rohan riders yet...

Legolas: I don’t believe it, it’s Boromir.

Gimli: Quit joking Legolas, who is it really?

Legolas: No, it really is Boromir, and he looks really mad...

Boromir: I... am... going... to... kill... you Aragorn!

Aragorn: Boromir, your alive! How is this possible?

Boromir: I passed through fire and water...

*Shows Boromir fighting with the Balrog*

Boromir: From the lowest dungeons to the highest peaks...

Aragorn: Ummm, Boromir, That’s Gandalf’s return.

Boromir: Ahh... I wanted that sounded cool. Ok... I returned the same way that Glorfindel is in the story, I bribed the writer.

Lordofthejedi17: (counting money) $7000, 8000, 9000... oops (stuffs money in pocket)

Glorfindel: Sneaky

Boromir: And now Aragorn, I’m going to show what it’s like to go over a waterfall...

Pippin: Hey, I hate to break up this Boromir reunion but you have to rescue us.

Aragorn: He’s right, let’s go!

*They follow the Orcs... I meant the Uruk-hai!*


Part 10
Nighttime camp at Fangorn

*The Uruks stop*

Uruk 1: We’re tired, lets stop!

Orc 1: Let’s chop up the forest!

Merry: That’s Fangorn Forest.

Pippin: What?

Merry: Haven’t you ever read the book?

Pippin: Ummm... No. Can I ask what happens next?

Merry: Ehhhh....

Orc 2: I’m hungry! Let's eat the hobbits!

Uruk 2: We told you to eat something before we left. Nobody touches the hobbits.

Uruk 3: Why are we calling them hobbits? We don’t know what they are!

Orc 2: But they're snack size!

Uruk 1: Doesn’t anyone notice that we still don’t have names. That’s more important than eating!

Lordofthejedi17: Face it, I’m too lazy to look up your name. Fine, I’ll give you some... Uruk 1, your name is ‘soondead’, Orc 1, your name is ‘treeisabouttosteponyou’.

Uruk 1: Wait a minute...

Rohirrim: CHARGE!

Orcs & Uruks: Ahhh!!!!!

Battle: Bang, ooff, GAK!, ouch!!

Pippin: (looking at horse feet) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

*Next morning...*

Legolas: A red sun rises...

Aragorn: Your point?

Legolas: No point. It's just pretty.

Aragorn: Hmmm... Boromir, this is no time to be playing golf!

Boromir: Hold on... (hits golf ball)

Distant Orc: GAK!

Boromir: Sorry!