The Two Towers Parody
Part 8The Banishment of Eomer
*Eomer and his troops return to Edoras*
Eowyn: Theodred! My cousin is hurt.
Eomer: We know, can you check him out, sis?
Eowyn: (looks at the wounds) That’s not good.
Eomer: We were kind of sure of that.
*In the Hall...*
Eowyn: Your son’s hurt Uncle.
Theoden: I should’ve stopped the ship...
Eomer: Does he still think he’s the captain of the Titanic?
Eowyn: Afraid so. Saruman’s hasn’t been helping either.
Eomer: Hey, old man, Saruman is destroying us.
Wormtongue: No, that’s a lie, you are on a ocean liner and it just hit an iceberg. Traitor!
Theoden: Nooooooo... close the watertight bulkheads!
Eomer: Uncle, this is not the Titanic, this is Rohan, you’re the king!
Theoden: STOP CONFUSING ME! Who am I?
Eomer: You’re the King of Rohan...
Wormtongue: He’s a traitor, you’re the captain...
Eomer: My lord, Orcs bearing the white hand of Saruman attacked your son and his men. He lies near death.
Wormtongue: Lies! Deceit! He’s a traitor!
*Eomer grabs Wormtongue*
Eomer: Do you do anything around here besides shouting "Traitor"?
Wormtongue: Well, yes...
Eomer: That does not involve my sister.
Wormtongue: As a matter of fact, I don't. And just for that, you're banished.
Eomer: You can’t banish me, it doesn’t happen in the book.
Wormtongue: Screw the book, Traitor.
Eomer: Aw. (walking away) What’s next, Boromir gonna return?
The Uruk Hai
*The Uruk-hai run with our heroes after them*
Legolas: I see someone off in the distance, a man.
Aragorn: Can’t be the Rohan riders yet...
Legolas: I don’t believe it, it’s Boromir.
Gimli: Quit joking Legolas, who is it really?
Legolas: No, it really is Boromir, and he looks really mad...
Boromir: I... am... going... to... kill... you Aragorn!
Aragorn: Boromir, your alive! How is this possible?
Boromir: I passed through fire and water...
*Shows Boromir fighting with the Balrog*
Boromir: From the lowest dungeons to the highest peaks...
Aragorn: Ummm, Boromir, That’s Gandalf’s return.
Boromir: Ahh... I wanted that sounded cool. Ok... I returned the same way that Glorfindel is in the story, I bribed the writer.
Lordofthejedi17: (counting money) $7000, 8000, 9000... oops (stuffs money in pocket)
Boromir: And now Aragorn, I’m going to show what it’s like to go over a waterfall...
Pippin: Hey, I hate to break up this Boromir reunion but you have to rescue us.
Aragorn: He’s right, let’s go!
*They follow the Orcs... I meant the Uruk-hai!*
Nighttime camp at Fangorn
*The Uruks stop*
Uruk 1: We’re tired, lets stop!
Orc 1: Let’s chop up the forest!
Merry: That’s Fangorn Forest.
Merry: Haven’t you ever read the book?
Pippin: Ummm... No. Can I ask what happens next?
Orc 2: I’m hungry! Let's eat the hobbits!
Uruk 2: We told you to eat something before we left. Nobody touches the hobbits.
Uruk 3: Why are we calling them hobbits? We don’t know what they are!
Orc 2: But they're snack size!
Uruk 1: Doesn’t anyone notice that we still don’t have names. That’s more important than eating!
Lordofthejedi17: Face it, I’m too lazy to look up your name. Fine, I’ll
give you some... Uruk 1, your name is ‘soondead’, Orc 1, your name is
Uruk 1: Wait a minute...
Orcs & Uruks: Ahhh!!!!!
Battle: Bang, ooff, GAK!, ouch!!
Pippin: (looking at horse feet) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Legolas: A red sun rises...
Aragorn: Your point?
Legolas: No point. It's just pretty.
Aragorn: Hmmm... Boromir, this is no time to be playing golf!
Boromir: Hold on... (hits golf ball)
Distant Orc: GAK!