The Two Towers Parody

by Lordofthejedi17

Part 5

The Three...er... Four Hunters

*Aragorn is laying on the ground*

Aragorn: I can hear them, they’re getting closer!

Legolas: I can see them, thousands of fans coming at us.

Aragorn: Lets run, Gimli!

Gimli: I don’t got any fans! (Panting up a hill) This is hard work. Dragging my beard for 3 days and 3 nights is tiring enough.

Aragorn: Well, we can't stop because... ummm.... ummm.... ummm...

Legolas: Because we have to rescue Merry and Pippin.

Aragorn: I knew that! They were....

Legolas: They were taken by Orcs! Honestly, if you didn't spend so much time trying look rugged and manly, maybe you'd remember somethings!

Aragorn: Hey, I'm not the one who insisted on packing all his skin and hair-care products before we left Parth Galen.

Legolas: Hey, we got a huge fan base now, we gotta look good.

Aragorn: Look (picks up Pippin’s leaf) He’s still alive.

Gimli: Have we found them yet?

Aragorn: No! Look, it’s Rohan.

Legolas: Are you sure?

Aragorn: (looking at the script) That’s what the script says.

Gimli: I thought it would be alittle flatter than this.

Aragorn: Add it to the list of “Mistakes in the film”...

Glorfindel: I’m coming, I’m coming...

Legolas: Oh dear, he’s caught up with us.

Glorfindel: Nice of you to leave me to the fans!

Aragorn: Hey, we did what we needed to do! You’re not in the film anyway!

Legolas: Hey, the Uruks are heading for Isengard!


Part 6

The Burning of the Westfold


*Over in Isengard...*

Saruman: The world will fall and...

Palantir: Please deposit 25 cents now.

Saruman: Grrr... (deposits money). Now where was I? Ah, yes... No one will defeat the union of the Two Towers. Sauron, the world will fall...

Sauron: Yeah, yeah, yeah, less talking, more world falling.

Saruman: I have to explain to the audience what the title of the movie means...

Sauron: And we’re probably getting it wrong. And may I point out that this scene is called “The Burning of the Westfold”, I don’t see any Westfold burning.

Saruman: I’m getting around to it.

*Outside in Isengard, Saruman is talking to a group of wild men*

Saruman: Rohan took all your lands and drove you into the hills.

Wild Men: We thank them for that. We’re better in the hills.

Saruman: They kill alot of your people!

Wild Men: They would’ve died anyway.

Saruman: They stole your paychecks for this film.

Wild Men: Let’s kill them!

*The Westfold burns*

People of Rohan: Ow, bang, gak, ow, that hurts!

Saruman: There you go Sauron. The westfold’s burned

Sauron: Good job, Count Dooku... I meant Count Saruman! No, Dooku the White. Grrr... I can’t seem to get your name right!


Part 7
Massacre at the Fords of Isen


*At the Fords of Isen*

Eomer: Find the king’s son!

*While they look...*

Rohan Soldier: Mordor will pay us big time for this.

Mordor Orc: Will you take cash, check or charge?

Eomer: Cash, and I want it all in pennies.

Rohan Soldier: Hey, I found the King’s son!

Eomer: Gasp! Theodred! My cousin, who has done this to you and your men?

Rohan Soldier: He’s dead, Jim

Eomer: No, that can’t be! No, wait...

Rohan Soldier: I just wanted something interesting to say here. Look at his shirt!

Eomer: "I was ambushed by Saurman’s Orcs and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." Curse those foul creatures and their novelty t-shirts!

Rohan Soldier: And they misspelt Saruman.