The Two Towers Parody
Part 5The Three...er... Four Hunters
*Aragorn is laying on the ground*
Aragorn: I can hear them, they’re getting closer!
Legolas: I can see them, thousands of fans coming at us.
Aragorn: Lets run, Gimli!
Gimli: I don’t got any fans! (Panting up a hill) This is hard work. Dragging my beard for 3 days and 3 nights is tiring enough.
Aragorn: Well, we can't stop because... ummm.... ummm.... ummm...
Legolas: Because we have to rescue Merry and Pippin.
Aragorn: I knew that! They were....
Legolas: They were taken by Orcs! Honestly, if you didn't spend so much
time trying look rugged and manly, maybe you'd remember somethings!
Aragorn: Hey, I'm not the one who insisted on packing all his skin and hair-care products before we left Parth Galen.
Legolas: Hey, we got a huge fan base now, we gotta look good.
Aragorn: Look (picks up Pippin’s leaf) He’s still alive.
Gimli: Have we found them yet?
Aragorn: No! Look, it’s Rohan.
Legolas: Are you sure?
Aragorn: (looking at the script) That’s what the script says.
Gimli: I thought it would be alittle flatter than this.
Aragorn: Add it to the list of “Mistakes in the film”...
Glorfindel: I’m coming, I’m coming...
Legolas: Oh dear, he’s caught up with us.
Glorfindel: Nice of you to leave me to the fans!
Aragorn: Hey, we did what we needed to do! You’re not in the film anyway!
Legolas: Hey, the Uruks are heading for Isengard!
The Burning of the Westfold
*Over in Isengard...*
Saruman: The world will fall and...
Palantir: Please deposit 25 cents now.
Saruman: Grrr... (deposits money). Now where was I? Ah, yes... No one
will defeat the union of the Two Towers. Sauron, the world will fall...
Sauron: Yeah, yeah, yeah, less talking, more world falling.
Saruman: I have to explain to the audience what the title of the movie means...
Sauron: And we’re probably getting it wrong. And may I point out
that this scene is called “The Burning of the Westfold”, I don’t see
any Westfold burning.
Saruman: I’m getting around to it.
*Outside in Isengard, Saruman is talking to a group of wild men*
Saruman: Rohan took all your lands and drove you into the hills.
Wild Men: We thank them for that. We’re better in the hills.
Saruman: They kill alot of your people!
Wild Men: They would’ve died anyway.
Saruman: They stole your paychecks for this film.
Wild Men: Let’s kill them!
*The Westfold burns*
People of Rohan: Ow, bang, gak, ow, that hurts!
Saruman: There you go Sauron. The westfold’s burned
Sauron: Good job, Count Dooku... I meant Count Saruman! No, Dooku the White. Grrr... I can’t seem to get your name right!
Massacre at the Fords of Isen
*At the Fords of Isen*
Eomer: Find the king’s son!
*While they look...*
Rohan Soldier: Mordor will pay us big time for this.
Mordor Orc: Will you take cash, check or charge?
Eomer: Cash, and I want it all in pennies.
Rohan Soldier: Hey, I found the King’s son!
Eomer: Gasp! Theodred! My cousin, who has done this to you and your men?
Rohan Soldier: He’s dead, Jim
Eomer: No, that can’t be! No, wait...
Rohan Soldier: I just wanted something interesting to say here. Look at his shirt!
Eomer: "I was ambushed by Saurman’s Orcs and all I got was this lousy
t-shirt." Curse those foul creatures and their novelty t-shirts!
Rohan Soldier: And they misspelt Saruman.