The Two Towers Parody
by Starpaul20 aka Lordofthejedi17
*Back in Isengard*
Wormtounge: So why am I holding this candle again?
Saruman: I don't know, but I wouldn't put it down.
Wormtounge: Oh, anyway, nobody can get into Helm's Deep.
Saruman: Of course they can, that place hasn't passed an building
inspection in about 400 years. It’s easy to blow it apart!
Wormtongue: But still you would need alot of Uruk-Hai to get in...
Saruman: Well, here's my army of ten thousand Uruk-Hai, ready to wipe
out the men of Rohan. Nothing can stop me now.
Wormtongue: I really think you should go with ten thousand and one, it
might make a difference.
Saruman: Nah, it won't make a difference.
Wormtongue: But what if...
Saruman: Not now, fool, I'm basking in my very certain victory.
Merry: About time they get back to us.
Pippin: Yeah, hey, what that smoke over there?
Merry: Is it Old Toby pipe weed?
Treebeard: No, that's Isengard.
Pippin: Can we still smoke it in a pipe?
Merry: I don't think so, there's a huge army coming out.
Pippin: I'm hungry.
*Aragorn floating down a river*
The Grace of the Valar
Arwen: Hello Aragorn.
Aragorn: This is one sweet dream. I think I'll stay here a while.
Arwen: Trust me, you want to leave before we get any farther than
Brego: (thinking) If he says Arwen one more time, I'll kick him back
into the river.
Aragorn: Yes, Arwen... (wakes up to Brego over his head)
Aragorn: Okay, nobody ever needs to know about this. Agreed?
Aragorn: Now get me to Helm's Deep and get this movie back on course.
Elrond: Arwen, I want you to leave Middle-Earth.
Arwen: Nah, I'm going to stay here.
Elrond: Remaining here with Aragorn will mean an arduous, unending
torture. But he'll die after being king for a long time...
Arwen: Thank you, you just told the audience Aragorn's fate!
Elrond: Oops. Well, I still want you to go! Staying here is torture...
Arwen: Ok, Dad, what's the real reason?
Elrond: I don't want to explain to your mother why I've lost all of our
children. I've already have to explain why your brothers didn't make it
into the film. And you haven’t heard nagging until you heard nagging in
Arwen: All right! I'll go! Just will you reforge the sword?
Elrond: Can't we just send him one that won’t break this time?
Arwen: No! (She leaves with a group)
Elrond: They can make rings that take a volcano to destroy but swords?