The Two Towers Parody

by Starpaul20 aka Lordofthejedi17

Part 32:
The Evenstar

*At night...*

Aragorn: La, la, la, boring scene ahead.

Arwen: Hello Aragorn.

Aragorn: What are you doing in this movie?

Arwen: Dunno, just am.

Aragorn: Maybe we should just skip this scene, the writer really doen't like this part of the movie, and he hasn't watched this scene since he saw it in the theaters.

Arwen: Hmm... Good point.

Aragorn: Besides, the writer also wants to get to the wolves of Isengard scene.

Part 33:
The Wolves of Isengard

*On the way to Helm’s Deep...*

Theoden: I've always loved the passage to Helm's Deep. Fantastic scenery, don't you think?

Aragorn: Sure, whatever. Look, don't you think we should send scouts ahead?

Theoden: Relax, I skimmed through the next few chapters before we left Edoras, and nothing happens before we get to Helm's Deep. We’re completely safe.

Aragorn: Wait a minute... if you read ahead, why are Eowyn and the women and children coming with us to Helm's Deep? Shouldn't we have left them at Dunharrow?

Theoden: Say, that's a good question. Ummm...

*Slightly ahead*

Hama: Ummm...

Gamling: Something wrong?

Hama: I think I left my stove on back in Edoras.

Gamling: Don't worry about it, its now like you're going to die soon or anyth... (a wolf jumps onto Hama)

Hama: My what big teeth you have! GAK!

Gamling: I spoke too soon...

Aragorn: What's wrong?

Gamling: A character who isn't supposed to die just died!

Theoden: What's wrong?

Aragorn: A character who isn't supposed to die just died! We're under attack!

Theoden: Just great! Eowyn, take the women and children and go beat up Peter Jackson for not following the book!

Eowyn: But I wanna fight!

Theoden: You don't get to fight until the next movie.

Eowyn: But at the rate the writer is writing this, we won't see the Return of the King until the Sixth Age!

*While the men fight...*

Wolves of Isengard: Snarl!

Random Redshirt Soldier: GAK!

Aragorn: And now, to gracefully leap onto the back of this wolf... AHHH!!!

Orc: Ha ha! Your hand's stuck in my saddle!

Aragorn: I can't figure out how Legolas makes it (oof) look so (gasp) easy!

Orc: He's got a bigger fan base than you... GAK! THUNK!

Aragorn: Ha ha! Nice dismount! But.... AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (falls off a random cliff)

*A bit later...*

Theoden: This isn't good, I don't recall a cliff ever being here.

Legolas: Worst yet, Aragorn is dead.

Boromir: Yeah, yeah, lets go!

Aragorn: I'm not dead!

Gimli: Boromir, he's not dead!

Boromir: This is my revenge for sending me over a waterfall.

Part  34:
Helm's Deep

*Everyone gets to Helm’s Deep*

Theoden: Well, here we are, safe and sound at Helm's Deep. Nothing can reach us here.

Gamling: Sir, I just checked the insurance on this place and it expired yesterday.

Theoden: Leave it until tomorrow, it's not like this place is gonna be blown apart tonight.

Eowyn: Hey, wait, where's Aragorn?

Theoden: Errr... ummm...

Gimli: He fell off a cliff. Probably dead.

Boromir: Yeah, he's dead Jim.

Eowyn: Wait, how'd you get here?

Boromir: For the 9 millionth time, I bribed the writer!

Eowyn: Oh, well anyway, we're even in deeper trouble.

Theoden: Why?

Eowyn: We all have plastic swords and fake arrows. And there are alot of Orcs coming...

Theoden: That's not so bad.

Eowyn: And we're out of coffee.

Theoden: NOOOOOO!!!!!!