The Two Towers Parody
*Night, Gollum is talking to himself*
Gollum and Smeagol
Gollum: Stupid fat hobbits. Kill them, kill them all and take the
Smeagol: But Master is our friend!
Gollum: They stole the precious from us! We could takes it back!
Smeagol: Steal the precious from Master?
Gollum: Finders keepers, precious.
Smeagol: Losers weepers! Losers weepers!
Gollum: Tricksy. You wins this time, but I will be back.
Smeagol: We'll be readys, precious!
Of Herds and Stewed Rabbit
*The next day...*
Gollum: Hey, lookas at the rabbits I got!
Sam: Time to cook them!
Gollum: Is that all you ever think about!
*In the cooking pot*
Gollum: NO! You stupid fat Hobbit, you ruins it!
Sam: What's to ruin? There's hardly any meat on them.
Frodo: Let me wander off and hope I don’t get captured by soldiers of
Sam: Nice fried fish...
Sam: You couldn't say no to that.
Gollum: Oh yes, we woulds.
*A bit later*
Frodo: Wow! Look, Oliphaunts!
Sam: I see them, Mr. Frodo, but we'd better get out of here before we
run into a plot complication.
Gollum: Umm... Bye now!
Frodo: They're no plot complic... (Gondor soldiers appear) ok, there
Faramir: Hello. I believe you called?
Sam: Hey, look who it is!
Frodo: Well, it was nice meeting you, Mr. Faramir.
Faramir: Nice meeting you as well.
Frodo: I guess we'll be heading off to Mordor to continue our quest
All the Gondor soldeirs laugh.
Faramir: Ha ha ha! Good one.
Sam: No, really! The book says you're supposed to just escort us a
little ways then let us go!
Faramir: You must have me confused with someone else.
Frodo: But the book says...
Faramir: Take 'em away, boys!
Dwarf Women and One of the Dunedain
*Back to our heroes*
Gimli: So there are no Dwarf women.
Aragorn: So how did Gimli get started with dwarf women?
Legolas: He was given the wrong part of the script.
Eowyn: Here Aragorn, try this soup I made.
Aragorn: Alright... (sips it) It’s good (he's thinking, "YUCK!")
Eowyn starts walking away, Aragorn tries to spills the soup, and kills
the grass right where he spills it.
Eowyn: Aragorn, how old are you?
Aragorn: I live along time, something that most of the casual audience
wouldn't understand, that why this scene has been cut.
Eowyn: That explains it... would you like some more soup?
Aragorn: I've already live 87 years, I want to live to see the end of
the movie. Just give it to Boromir, he's a redshirt.