The Two Towers Parody

by Lordofthejedi17

Part 29:
Gollum and Smeagol

*Night, Gollum is talking to himself*

Gollum: Stupid fat hobbits. Kill them, kill them all and take the precious!

Smeagol: But Master is our friend!

Gollum: They stole the precious from us! We could takes it back!

Smeagol: Steal the precious from Master?

Gollum: Finders keepers, precious.

Smeagol: Losers weepers! Losers weepers!

Gollum: Tricksy. You wins this time, but I will be back.

Smeagol: We'll be readys, precious!

Part 30:
Of Herds and Stewed Rabbit

*The next day...*

Gollum: Hey, lookas at the rabbits I got!

Sam: Time to cook them!

Gollum: Is that all you ever think about!

*In the cooking pot*

Gollum: NO! You stupid fat Hobbit, you ruins it!

Sam: What's to ruin? There's hardly any meat on them.

Frodo: Let me wander off and hope I don’t get captured by soldiers of Gondor.

Sam: Nice fried fish...

Gollum: (Spits)

Sam: You couldn't say no to that.

Gollum: Oh yes, we woulds.

*A bit later*

Frodo: Wow! Look, Oliphaunts!

Sam: I see them, Mr. Frodo, but we'd better get out of here before we run into a plot complication.

Gollum: Umm... Bye now!

Frodo: They're no plot complic... (Gondor soldiers appear) ok, there is.

Faramir: Hello. I believe you called?

Sam: Hey, look who it is!

Frodo: Well, it was nice meeting you, Mr. Faramir.

Faramir: Nice meeting you as well.

Frodo: I guess we'll be heading off to Mordor to continue our quest now.

All the Gondor soldeirs laugh.

Faramir: Ha ha ha! Good one.

Sam: No, really! The book says you're supposed to just escort us a little ways then let us go!

Faramir: You must have me confused with someone else.

Frodo: But the book says...

Faramir: Take 'em away, boys!

Part 31:
Dwarf Women and One of the Dunedain

*Back to our heroes*

Gimli: So there are no Dwarf women.

Aragorn: So how did Gimli get started with dwarf women?

Legolas: He was given the wrong part of the script.

Aragorn: Ah.

*Eowyn’s cooking...*

Eowyn: Here Aragorn, try this soup I made.

Aragorn: Alright... (sips it) It’s good (he's thinking, "YUCK!")

Eowyn starts walking away, Aragorn tries to spills the soup, and kills the grass right where he spills it.

Eowyn: Aragorn, how old are you?

Aragorn: 87

Eowyn: Wha...

Aragorn: I live along time, something that most of the casual audience wouldn't understand, that why this scene has been cut.

Eowyn: That explains it... would you like some more soup?

Aragorn: I've already live 87 years, I want to live to see the end of the movie. Just give it to Boromir, he's a redshirt.