The Two Towers Parody

by Lordofthejedi17

Part 26:
Daughter of Kings

*Eowyn plays with a sword, Aragorn sees her*

Aragorn: Nice sword, can we trade?

Eowyn: So I can have your broken sword? No way.

Aragorn: Oh... so... what’s up?

Eowyn: As the only female character in this trilogy, I feel obliged to fall hopelessly in love with you and your rugged manliness.

Aragorn: But... you're not the only female character.

Eowyn: Oh, well, I'm still going to fall in love with you.

Aragorn: Sorry, I'm taken. By the only other female character. Ironic, huh?

Eowyn: Shut up.

Aragorn: So this is the entire scene?

Eowyn: Well, we have to save something for the scene on the way to Helm's Deep.

Aragorn: Remind me again why you're going to Helm's Deep? You don't in the book.

Eowyn: Little known fact: Peter Jackson never read The Two Towers book. He thought it was boring.

Aragorn: So that's why the movie is so different from the book.

Eowyn: Yeah. I mean, what's next, Haldir gonna com to Helm's Deep to help us at the last minute.

Aragorn: That'll never happen.

Part 27:
Exodus from Edoras

*Everyone leaves Edoras*

Legolas: Exodus from Edoras, cleaver title.

Aragorn: So... is there a point in having this scene?

Theoden: We got to show had sad this is and stuff like that... Oh who am I kidding, there is no point in this scene. It's just filler.

Boromir: And it made it into the final cut of the film!

Theoden: Now it's time for me to talk about my short time as the captain of the Titanic...

Aragorn: Audience, if you need any more popcorn or candy, go off and get some now, you got plenty of time.

Audience: *Runs out*

*Over in Isengard...*

Wormtounge: Gimmie the remote control to the Palantir. I'm quite tired of this fiery eye 24-7!

Saruman: No, this is the best stuff on!

Orc: Ummm... everyone left Edoras already.

Saruman: Throw in a plot complication then.

Part 28:
The Forests of Ithilien

*Cuts back to Frodo and Sam*

Sam: Yay! They finally cut back to us!

Frodo: Good, for a minute, I thought they were going to cut us out of the film altogether.

Sam: So where are we?

Frodo: I don't know. Let me check the guide...

Sam: What guide?

Frodo: Why it's The Hitchhiker's Guide to Middle-Earth. (holds up a small book) See, look... (opens guide)

Guide: In the beginning the World was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

Sam: Wait, where did you get such a book?

Frodo: Bilbo gave it to me back in Rivendell.

Sam: You've had this book the entire time when we were walking through Moria, that whatever name River, and the Dead Marshes. Why didn't you use it?

Frodo: I didn't want it to fall into the hands of the enemy, or Pippin.

Sam: What would’ve Pippin done with it?

Frodo: Tell all of the Guide's secrets to the enemy or the fans.

Sam: Secrets? What secrets?

Frodo: Well... (opens the Guide)

Guide: The Glorfindel in Lord of the Rings is not the Glorfindel from The Silmarillion. They just have the same name.

Sam: GASP! If that fact ever got into the hands of the enemy...

Frodo: More time for complaining later Sam, we gotta get this scene back on course. Ummm... I gotta help Gollum, and the ring is mine!

Sam: Don't you know who you're beginning to sound like?