The Two Towers Parody
*Eowyn plays with a sword, Aragorn sees
Daughter of Kings
Aragorn: Nice sword, can we trade?
Eowyn: So I can have your broken sword? No way.
Aragorn: Oh... so... what’s up?
Eowyn: As the only female character in this trilogy, I feel obliged to
fall hopelessly in love with you and your rugged manliness.
Aragorn: But... you're not the only female character.
Eowyn: Oh, well, I'm still going to fall in love with you.
Aragorn: Sorry, I'm taken. By the only other female character. Ironic,
Eowyn: Shut up.
Aragorn: So this is the entire scene?
Eowyn: Well, we have to save something for the scene on the way to
Aragorn: Remind me again why you're going to Helm's Deep? You don't in
Eowyn: Little known fact: Peter Jackson never read The Two Towers book.
He thought it was boring.
Aragorn: So that's why the movie is so different from the book.
Eowyn: Yeah. I mean, what's next, Haldir gonna com to Helm's Deep to
help us at the last minute.
Aragorn: That'll never happen.
Exodus from Edoras
*Everyone leaves Edoras*
Legolas: Exodus from Edoras, cleaver title.
Aragorn: So... is there a point in having this scene?
Theoden: We got to show had sad this is and stuff like that... Oh who
am I kidding, there is no point in this scene. It's just filler.
Boromir: And it made it into the final cut of the film!
Theoden: Now it's time for me to talk about my short time as the
captain of the Titanic...
Aragorn: Audience, if you need any more popcorn or candy, go off and
get some now, you got plenty of time.
Audience: *Runs out*
*Over in Isengard...*
Wormtounge: Gimmie the remote control to the Palantir. I'm quite tired
of this fiery eye 24-7!
Saruman: No, this is the best stuff on!
Orc: Ummm... everyone left Edoras already.
Saruman: Throw in a plot complication then.
The Forests of Ithilien
*Cuts back to Frodo and Sam*
Sam: Yay! They finally cut back to us!
Frodo: Good, for a minute, I thought they were going to cut us out of
the film altogether.
Sam: So where are we?
Frodo: I don't know. Let me check the guide...
Sam: What guide?
Frodo: Why it's The Hitchhiker's Guide to Middle-Earth. (holds up a
small book) See, look... (opens guide)
Guide: In the beginning the World was created. This has made a lot of
people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
Sam: Wait, where did you get such a book?
Frodo: Bilbo gave it to me back in Rivendell.
Sam: You've had this book the entire time when we were walking
through Moria, that whatever name River, and the Dead Marshes. Why
didn't you use it?
Frodo: I didn't want it to fall into the hands of the enemy, or Pippin.
Sam: What would’ve Pippin done with it?
Frodo: Tell all of the Guide's secrets to the enemy or the fans.
Sam: Secrets? What secrets?
Frodo: Well... (opens the Guide)
Guide: The Glorfindel in Lord of the Rings is not the Glorfindel from
The Silmarillion. They just have the same name.
Sam: GASP! If that fact ever got into the hands of the enemy...
Frodo: More time for complaining later Sam, we gotta get this scene
back on course. Ummm... I gotta help Gollum, and the ring is mine!
Sam: Don't you know who you're beginning to sound like?