The Two Towers Parody

by Lordofthejedi17

Part 23:
Inside the Hall


Gandalf: Saruman is destroying Rohan! Do something!

Theoden: I don't care about all your dire predictions! I'm staying here like a chicken!

Gandalf: But that's not what you do in the book!

Theoden: Who cares about the book? If anyone cared, Boromir would be dead and I wouldn't be the captain of the Titanic.

Boromir: (crying) No one cares about me! And for crying out loud, Gimli, use a napkin!

Gimli: It would help if they give me one!

Eowyn: I will give you one, but first you have to fill out this release form.

Gimli: Why?

Eowyn: In case you get hurt from the napkin, you won't sue us.

Theoden: How about I go hide like a chicken?

Aragorn: But...

Theoden: Say, is that a crown on your head? No, wait, that's me looking in the mirror.

Aragorn: (crying) That wasn't funny the first 4 times you tried it!

Gandalf: Then what are you gonna do?

*Outside...*

Gandalf: I can't believe this! Theoden's gonna hide inside Helm's Deep.

Legolas: That place hasn't met building codes in 400 years.

Gimli: I got a bad feeling about this...

Aragorn: It could be worse, Haldir could come there and help us.

Gandalf: Pfff... like that'll happen.

Peter Jackson: (writing) Bring Haldir to Helm's Deep...

Aragorn: So Gandalf, where are you going?

Gandalf: Leaving... long journey... gotta save Rohan... Oh who am I kidding? I left my stove on back in The Shire!

Legolas: Good luck!


Part 24: Brego

*In a stable...*

Eowyn: That was my cousin's horse, Brego.

Aragorn: He’s out of control, let him go.

Eowyn: That's it, that's all this scene is?

Aragorn: (reading the script) Well, it's longer in the script, but the writer doesn't feel like writing this scene out.

Lordofthejedi17: Face it, this scene shouldn't even be in the Extended Edition, I skip it every time I watch the movie.

Eowyn: Then why are we continuing this scene?

Lordofthejedi17: Because I need this scene to be longer than 2 lines.


Part 25: The Ring of Barahir

*At Isengard...*

Saruman: I can't believe Gandalf got promoted. He didn't even pass his Eagle-flying test!

Wormtounge: Well... I forgot what I was going to say... oh, Aragorn had a ring on his finger.

Saruman: A ring?

Wormtounge: Yeah, a ring, just like everyone else in this film seems to have.

Saruman: The Ring of Barahir.

Wormtounge: The Ring of Who?

Saruman: The Ring of Barahir, it's the name of this scene.

Wormtounge: Barahir... doesn't ring a bell.

Saruman: He's some dude who lived along time ago, owned a ring. He's kinda like the Sifo-Dyas guy from Star Wars, nobody knows who he is really.

Wormtounge: I'm quite confused now.

Saruman: Well, let's just cut this scene from the movie. It might just save the casual audience from boredom.

Wormtounge: By the way, who's Sifo-Dyas?

Saruman: Sigh...