The Two Towers Parody
Inside the Hall
Gandalf: Saruman is destroying Rohan! Do something!
Theoden: I don't care about all your dire predictions! I'm staying here
like a chicken!
Gandalf: But that's not what you do in the book!
Theoden: Who cares about the book? If anyone cared, Boromir would be
dead and I wouldn't be the captain of the Titanic.
Boromir: (crying) No one cares about me! And for crying out loud,
Gimli, use a napkin!
Gimli: It would help if they give me one!
Eowyn: I will give you one, but first you have to fill out this release
Eowyn: In case you get hurt from the napkin, you won't sue us.
Theoden: How about I go hide like a chicken?
Theoden: Say, is that a crown on your head? No, wait, that's me looking
in the mirror.
Aragorn: (crying) That wasn't funny the first 4 times you tried it!
Gandalf: Then what are you gonna do?
Gandalf: I can't believe this! Theoden's gonna hide inside Helm's Deep.
Legolas: That place hasn't met building codes in 400 years.
Gimli: I got a bad feeling about this...
Aragorn: It could be worse, Haldir could come there and help us.
Gandalf: Pfff... like that'll happen.
Peter Jackson: (writing) Bring Haldir to Helm's Deep...
Aragorn: So Gandalf, where are you going?
Gandalf: Leaving... long journey... gotta save Rohan... Oh who am I
kidding? I left my stove on back in The Shire!
Legolas: Good luck!
Part 24: Brego
*In a stable...*
Eowyn: That was my cousin's horse, Brego.
Aragorn: He’s out of control, let him go.
Eowyn: That's it, that's all this scene is?
Aragorn: (reading the script) Well, it's longer in the script, but the
writer doesn't feel like writing this scene out.
Lordofthejedi17: Face it, this scene shouldn't even be in the Extended
Edition, I skip it every time I watch the movie.
Eowyn: Then why are we continuing this scene?
Lordofthejedi17: Because I need this scene to be longer than 2 lines.
Part 25: The Ring of Barahir
Saruman: I can't believe Gandalf got promoted. He didn't even pass his
Wormtounge: Well... I forgot what I was going to say... oh, Aragorn had
a ring on his finger.
Saruman: A ring?
Wormtounge: Yeah, a ring, just like everyone else in this film seems to
Saruman: The Ring of Barahir.
Wormtounge: The Ring of Who?
Saruman: The Ring of Barahir, it's the name of this scene.
Wormtounge: Barahir... doesn't ring a bell.
Saruman: He's some dude who lived along time ago, owned a ring. He's
kinda like the Sifo-Dyas guy from Star Wars, nobody knows who he is
Wormtounge: I'm quite confused now.
Saruman: Well, let's just cut this scene from the movie. It might just
save the casual audience from boredom.
Wormtounge: By the way, who's Sifo-Dyas?