The Two Towers Parody
The King of the Golden Hall
*Outside of Edoras...*
Gandalf: There, we reached Edoras.
Legolas: I expected the place to be bigger.
Boromir: Ooo, nice Golf course here!
Gandalf: Boromir, this is no time to be playing Golf!
*In the Hall*
Eowyn: Uncle, your son is dead.
Theoden: The captain goes down with his ship.
*Sad Titanic violin music starts playing...*
Eowyn: Oh for crying out loud, will you go play somewhere else!
*In another room*
Wormtongue: Theoden’s son is dead, so ummm, you want to hang out
Wormtongue: I know a nice coffee shop over in Isengard...
Eowyn: I only go out with handsome, rugged men who have huge fan bases.
Wormtongue: I don’t have a fan base yet? Lies! Deceit! I have the
largest fan base in the entire film!
Gimli: I’ve seen more cheer in a graveyard.
Aragorn: They’re looking at us strange...
Gandalf: It’s because we have Boromir and Glorfindel with us.
*At the hall door...*
Hama: I can’t let you before the captain, Gandalf, until I have all
Aragorn: This sword is very bad, I won’t miss it if you should misplace
Hama: The golf clubs also.
Boromir: These are the Golf clubs of Minas Tirith, they date back in
time to Isildur himself!
Hama: I still want them. And I want the staff, Gandalf.
Gandalf: (waves hand) You do not want the staff.
Hama: I do not want the staff.
*Inside the Hall...*
Wormtongue: My lord, Gandalf is here.
Theoden: Full ahead, Mr. Murdock.
Aragorn: Oh great...
Gandalf: Theoden King, your kingdom is failing. I've come to help
Wormtongue: It's a lie! Lies! Deceit! Tra...
Gandalf: Ah shut up already! If I wanted to listen to you complain, I
would've bought my sleeping glasses! (Holds up staff).
Wormtongue: The Staff!!! Hama, your fired!
Gandalf: Your hold on this land is over, Saruman. Begone!
Theoden/Saruman: Hahaha! I laugh at your puny wizard powers.
Gandalf: (removing his cloak) I got a promotion from the big guy
Saruman: Man, now Sauron's gonna be really mad...
Aragorn: That was easy!
Gandalf: How do you feel, Theoden?
Theoden: Young and ruggedly handsome again!
Aragorn: Oh, man. Here we go....
Legolas: Relax. You're much more ruggedly handsome than he is. Of
course, I think we all know who's really the handsomest.
Gimli: Oh, stop. I'm blushing.
Theoden: (looking at Wormtongue) It's time to take out the trash!
*Outside Wormtongue is thrown down the steps*
Wormtongue: Ow, that really hurt!
Theoden: You had me thinking I was the captain of the Titanic again!
Aragorn: No, don't kill him. Give him a chance to get a fan base first.
Wormtongue: Get out of my way!
Eowyn: (Singing some ear-piercing song)
Everyone Else: (covering their ears)
Gandalf: (yelling) Don't worry, this scene has already been cut out!
Aragorn: I didn't know anyone could sing like that!
Theoden: Hey, you're supposed to be dead!
Boromir: I paid the writer to be in this part!
Legolas: I'm an Elf and even I can't stand this noise!
Everyone watching: Where's the Fast Forward button!
Peter Jackson: Cut!
Peter Jackson: CUT!!!!
Simbelmyne on the Burial Mounds
Lordofthejedi17: Please remind me
again why this scene is called
Simbelmyne on the Burial Mounds? It should be called King Theoden
Theoden: Wah! My son is dead!
Gandalf: Quit complaining about it already!
Theoden: But Boromir got to live! Why not my son?
Gandalf: Face it, no one in the audience evens cares about your son!
Gandalf: Audience, if you have to get more popcorn and or soda, you
might as well do it now.
Theoden: Let me start talking about my family history...
Audience: (running out of the theater)
Gandalf: Errr... hey, isn't that those two kids who were suppose to in
an earier scene but the writer forgot to include them?