The Two Towers Parody

by Lordofthejedi17

Part 20
The King of the Golden Hall


*Outside of Edoras...*

Gandalf: There, we reached Edoras.

Legolas: I expected the place to be bigger.

Boromir: Ooo, nice Golf course here!

Gandalf: Boromir, this is no time to be playing Golf!

*In the Hall*

Eowyn: Uncle, your son is dead.

Theoden: The captain goes down with his ship.

*Sad Titanic violin music starts playing...*

Eowyn: Oh for crying out loud, will you go play somewhere else!

*In another room*

Wormtongue: Theoden’s son is dead, so ummm, you want to hang out sometime?

Eowyn: Whaaaat?

Wormtongue: I know a nice coffee shop over in Isengard...

Eowyn: I only go out with handsome, rugged men who have huge fan bases.

Wormtongue: I don’t have a fan base yet? Lies! Deceit! I have the largest fan base in the entire film!

*In Edoras...*

Gimli: I’ve seen more cheer in a graveyard.

Aragorn: They’re looking at us strange...

Gandalf: It’s because we have Boromir and Glorfindel with us.

*At the hall door...*

Hama: I can’t let you before the captain, Gandalf, until I have all your weapons.

Aragorn: This sword is very bad, I won’t miss it if you should misplace it.

Hama: The golf clubs also.

Boromir: These are the Golf clubs of Minas Tirith, they date back in time to Isildur himself!

Hama: I still want them. And I want the staff, Gandalf.

Gandalf: (waves hand) You do not want the staff.

Hama: I do not want the staff.


Part II

*Inside the Hall...*

Wormtongue: My lord, Gandalf is here.

Theoden: Full ahead, Mr. Murdock.

Aragorn: Oh great...

Gandalf: Theoden King, your kingdom is failing. I've come to help

Wormtongue: It's a lie! Lies! Deceit! Tra...

Gandalf: Ah shut up already! If I wanted to listen to you complain, I would've bought my sleeping glasses! (Holds up staff).

Wormtongue: The Staff!!! Hama, your fired!

*Fight ensues*

Gandalf: Your hold on this land is over, Saruman. Begone!

Theoden/Saruman: Hahaha! I laugh at your puny wizard powers.

Gandalf: (removing his cloak) I got a promotion from the big guy upstair!

Theoden/Saruman: AAAAARRRGH!

Saruman: Man, now Sauron's gonna be really mad...

Aragorn: That was easy!

Gandalf: How do you feel, Theoden?

Theoden: Young and ruggedly handsome again!

Aragorn: Oh, man. Here we go....

Legolas: Relax. You're much more ruggedly handsome than he is. Of course, I think we all know who's really the handsomest.

Gimli: Oh, stop. I'm blushing.

Theoden: (looking at Wormtongue) It's time to take out the trash!

*Outside Wormtongue is thrown down the steps*

Wormtongue: Ow, that really hurt!

Theoden: You had me thinking I was the captain of the Titanic again!

Aragorn: No, don't kill him. Give him a chance to get a fan base first.

Wormtongue: Get out of my way!


Part 21:
Theodred's Funeral


*Theodred's Funeral*

Eowyn: (Singing some ear-piercing song)

Everyone Else: (covering their ears)

Gandalf: (yelling) Don't worry, this scene has already been cut out!

Aragorn: I didn't know anyone could sing like that!

Boromir: WHAT!

Theoden: Hey, you're supposed to be dead!

Boromir: I paid the writer to be in this part!

Legolas: I'm an Elf and even I can't stand this noise!

Everyone watching: Where's the Fast Forward button!

Peter Jackson: Cut!

Everyone: What!

Peter Jackson: CUT!!!!


Part 22:

Simbelmyne on the Burial Mounds

Lordofthejedi17: Please remind me again why this scene is called Simbelmyne on the Burial Mounds? It should be called King Theoden complains.

Theoden: Wah! My son is dead!

Gandalf: Quit complaining about it already!

Theoden: But Boromir got to live! Why not my son?

Gandalf: Face it, no one in the audience evens cares about your son!

Theoden: WAH!!!

Gandalf: Audience, if you have to get more popcorn and or soda, you might as well do it now.

Audience: Errr...

Theoden: Let me start talking about my family history...

Audience: (running out of the theater)

Gandalf: Errr... hey, isn't that those two kids who were suppose to in an earier scene but the writer forgot to include them?