The Two Towers Parody
The Heir of Numenor
*Aragorn and Gandalf talk*
Gandalf: ...and that’s how I came to Middle-Earth.
Aragorn: Wait, that didn’t make any sense, why were you Gray and
Gandalf: A typo in a Valar memo.
Aragorn: Ah, now what about me and Frodo?
Gandalf: Sauron and Saruman are gonna attack us before Frodo destroys
Aragorn: Sounds bad.
Gandalf: Not as bad as Boromir being back.
Aragorn: True (ducks a golf ball).
Gandalf: Frodo has to destroy the ring alone.
Aragorn: Oh dear, I forgot to say Sam went with Frodo.
Gandalf: Great, just great, did anyone warn Mordor they’re coming?
Aragorn: I tried to, but all the phone lines are tied up.
*Over to Boromir*
Boromir: FORE!! (hits the Golf ball which hits Barad-dur)
Eye of Sauron: WATCH IT! You’ll take someone’s eye out!
Boromir: Oops, sorry.
The Black Gate is Closed
*Frodo, Sam and Gollum reach the Black Gates*
Frodo: Well, there it is... the Black Gate of Mordor. I suppose we
should have thought up some sort of plan before we got here. Any ideas?
Sam: Let’s follow that salesman in.
Salesman: (knocking on the gate) Hey, I’m here to offer Lord Sauron
some tower insurance. Never know when Barad-dur might fall...
Orcs: He doesn’t need any!
Salesman: Never say never. If he acts now, he can be covered for half
off but he’ll have to pay double for 6 months...
Orcs: You all know the drill!
Sam: Ouch that must’ve hurt.
Frodo: Let’s follow that army that came out of nowhere.
Sam: That’s sounds like a great idea... AHH!!!!
Easternling 1: Hey look, landslide. Let’s check it out.
Easternling 2: Yeah, I love breaking rank!
Frodo: Sam you’re stuck!
Sam: Oh, you think! How about you help me!
Easternling 1: Nice pile of rocks.
Easternling 2: Can’t we look down? I thought I heard Hobbits speaking...
Easternling 1: Nah, these helmets are on our heads tight, let’s go.
Sam: Wow that was close, where did you get the idea to use the cloak to
Frodo: I forget... somewhere’s... Now let’s sneak into Mordor.
Gollum: Smeagol will show Master a secret way into Mordor!
Sam: Or, we could... ummm... dress up as Orcs and blend in?
Frodo: Please, that would never work. Come on, Smeagol, lead the way.
Sam: Why don’t you ever listen to my suggestions?
Frodo: Because they’re to good and we need to surprise the casual
*Merry and Pippin are still in Fangorn
Merry: Pip, you're taller!
Merry: You're taller than me!
Pippin: I've always been taller than you.
Merry: Pippin, I'm the tall one, you're the short one.
Pippin: Clearly you're not taking your vitamins.
Merry: But... but... that's how people tell us apart.
Pippin: Oh please Merry, no one can tell us apart. By the way, the tree
is eating us.
Merry: That's bad, what could be worse?
Treebeard: "Oh, where are the Entwives..."
Merry and Pippin: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Treebeard: I got no other songs for you today.
Merry and Pippin: "Joy to the world, Treebeard has stopped singing!"