The Two Towers Parody

by Lordofthejedi17

Part 17
The Heir of Numenor

 *Aragorn and Gandalf talk*

Gandalf: ...and that’s how I came to Middle-Earth.

Aragorn: Wait, that didn’t make any sense, why were you Gray and Saruman White?

Gandalf: A typo in a Valar memo.

Aragorn: Ah, now what about me and Frodo?

Gandalf: Sauron and Saruman are gonna attack us before Frodo destroys the ring.

Aragorn: Sounds bad.

Gandalf: Not as bad as Boromir being back.

Aragorn: True (ducks a golf ball).

Boromir: Sorry!

Gandalf: Frodo has to destroy the ring alone.

Aragorn: Oh dear, I forgot to say Sam went with Frodo.

Gandalf: Great, just great, did anyone warn Mordor they’re coming?

Aragorn: I tried to, but all the phone lines are tied up.

*Over to Boromir*

Boromir: FORE!! (hits the Golf ball which hits Barad-dur)

Eye of Sauron: WATCH IT! You’ll take someone’s eye out!

Boromir: Oops, sorry.

Part 18:
The Black Gate is Closed

 *Frodo, Sam and Gollum reach the Black Gates*

Frodo: Well, there it is... the Black Gate of Mordor. I suppose we should have thought up some sort of plan before we got here. Any ideas?

Sam: Ummm...

Gollum: Ummm...

Sam: Let’s follow that salesman in.

Salesman: (knocking on the gate) Hey, I’m here to offer Lord Sauron some tower insurance. Never know when Barad-dur might fall...

Orcs: He doesn’t need any!

Salesman: Never say never. If he acts now, he can be covered for half off but he’ll have to pay double for 6 months...

Orcs: You all know the drill!

Sam: Ouch that must’ve hurt.

Frodo: Let’s follow that army that came out of nowhere.

Sam: That’s sounds like a great idea... AHH!!!!

*Sam falls*

Easternling 1: Hey look, landslide. Let’s check it out.

Easternling 2: Yeah, I love breaking rank!

Frodo: Sam you’re stuck!

Sam: Oh, you think! How about you help me!

Easternling 1: Nice pile of rocks.

Easternling 2: Can’t we look down? I thought I heard Hobbits speaking...

Easternling 1: Nah, these helmets are on our heads tight, let’s go.

Sam: Wow that was close, where did you get the idea to use the cloak to hide us?

Frodo: I forget... somewhere’s... Now let’s sneak into Mordor.

Gollum: Smeagol will show Master a secret way into Mordor!

Sam: Or, we could... ummm... dress up as Orcs and blend in?

Frodo: Please, that would never work. Come on, Smeagol, lead the way.

Sam: Why don’t you ever listen to my suggestions?

Frodo: Because they’re to good and we need to surprise the casual audience.

Part 19:
Ent Draft

*Merry and Pippin are still in Fangorn Forest*

Merry: Pip, you're taller!

Pippin: What?

Merry: You're taller than me!

Pippin: I've always been taller than you.

Merry: Pippin, I'm the tall one, you're the short one.

Pippin: Clearly you're not taking your vitamins.

Merry: But... but... that's how people tell us apart.

Pippin: Oh please Merry, no one can tell us apart. By the way, the tree is eating us.

Merry: That's bad, what could be worse?

Treebeard: "Oh, where are the Entwives..."

Merry and Pippin: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Treebeard: I got no other songs for you today.

Merry and Pippin: "Joy to the world, Treebeard has stopped singing!"