The Two Towers Parody

by Lordofthejedi17

Part 14
The Passage of the Marshes


*Frodo, Sam and Gollum make their way through the Dead Marshes*

Sam: What is this place?

Gollum: This was the site of a great battle, precious. A BIG battle...

Frodo: (picking up a lightsaber) You don’t mean...

Gollum: Yes, precious. This is where all the Star Wars fans met the Star Trek fans and they fought, and fought, and fought!

Sam: Who won?

Gollum: The Star Wars fans, they had the Death Star.

*Later by the torches...*

Frodo: Like the torches...

Sam: Frodo!

Gollum: Watch it Hobbites

*At night...*

Gollum: Gandalf never told you the truth about your fathers precious.

Frodo: He told me enough, he told me you killed him!

Gollum: Frodo, I am your fathers, precious!

Frodo: NO!!! That’s impossible!

Sam: (looking in the book) Ummm... Frodo, the books says your father drowned in a river...

Frodo: Sam, I wanted some time with Smeagol, ah now I blew my cover story!

Sam: I’ll just ignore the Nazgul overhead also!

Witch-King: About time you noticed me! Check out my Fell Beast!

*The Hobbits hide*

Sam: Hey, does this scene seem screwed up?

Frodo: Yes...

Lordofthejedi17: Face it you 3, I wanted something interesting. That and I wanted to get to the next scene without skipping this one.


Part 15
The White Rider


*Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli walk through Fangorn forest*

Boromir: Hey, aren’t you forgeting someone?

*Sorry, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir and Glorfindel walk through Fangorn forest*

Gimli: This forest is scarey.

Legolas: The trees... they're speaking to each other!

Aragorn: Legolas, I told you not to eat the mushrooms Sam picked....

Legolas: Silence, big talking fern! Hey look, the White Wizard!

Boromir: Ah, it’s Saruman!!!

Glorfindel: I don’t think so...

Aragorn: Gandalf!

Gimli: You're alive!

Legolas: You've discovered soap!

Aragorn: Yeah, who knew he actually had white hair under all that dirt?

Gandalf: Yeah, I also got that big promotion from the big guy upstairs.

Legolas: The Valar?

Glorfindel: Iluvatar?

Gimli: Lordofthejedi17?

Gandalf: No, J.R.R. Tolkien. Now let me tell you the story. I fell through fire and through water...

Aragorn: Boromir already used that excuse.

Gandalf: I have a flashback to prove it, from the lowest dungeons to the highest peaks...

Aragorn: Wait, wait, wait... how do you fall up a mountain?

Gandalf: Dunno... (seeing Boromir and Glorfindel) How did you two get here?

Boromir: (nods to the writer)

Lordofthejedi17: Ummm... well... hey look, J.R.R. Tolkien! (runs for it)

Legolas: (rolls eyes)

Gandalf: I have come back to tell you that you must go to Edoras, home of King Theoden of Rohan.

Aragorn: Oh man, I hate that guy. He's always strutting around, yelling full ahead, rubbing his good looks in my face.

Gandalf: I promise you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Aragorn: I hope so, because if I have to hear one more Titanic story, I’m gonna scream!

Gimli: What about Merry and Pippin?

Gandalf: Who?


Part 16
Song of the Entwives


*Treebeard is singing to Merry and Pippin*

Treebeard: “Oh ruin my song...”

Merry: I would mush rather be getting tortured by Sauron than listen to this anymore!

Pippin: When do you think we’ll get rescued Merry?

Merry: Pfft. I bet they haven't even noticed we're missing.

Pippin: Can’t the writer skip this scene already?

Treebeard: “Oh where are the Entwives...”

Lordofthejedi17: (snoring)

Pippin: Oh great... the writers has fallen asleep.

Merry: Now I know where the Entwives went, they must’ve been annoyed by the singing!

Pippin: Maybe we should pretend to be sleeping. He might just stop.

Merry: Good idea!