The Two Towers Parody
The Passage of the Marshes
*Frodo, Sam and Gollum make their way through the Dead Marshes*
Sam: What is this place?
Gollum: This was the site of a great battle, precious. A BIG battle...
Frodo: (picking up a lightsaber) You don’t mean...
Gollum: Yes, precious. This is where all the Star Wars fans met the Star Trek fans and they fought, and fought, and fought!
Sam: Who won?
Gollum: The Star Wars fans, they had the Death Star.
*Later by the torches...*
Frodo: Like the torches...
Gollum: Watch it Hobbites
Gollum: Gandalf never told you the truth about your fathers precious.
Frodo: He told me enough, he told me you killed him!
Gollum: Frodo, I am your fathers, precious!
Frodo: NO!!! That’s impossible!
Sam: (looking in the book) Ummm... Frodo, the books says your father drowned in a river...
Frodo: Sam, I wanted some time with Smeagol, ah now I blew my cover story!
Sam: I’ll just ignore the Nazgul overhead also!
Witch-King: About time you noticed me! Check out my Fell Beast!
*The Hobbits hide*
Sam: Hey, does this scene seem screwed up?
Lordofthejedi17: Face it you 3, I wanted something interesting. That
and I wanted to get to the next scene without skipping this one.
The White Rider
*Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli walk through Fangorn forest*
Boromir: Hey, aren’t you forgeting someone?
*Sorry, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir and Glorfindel walk through Fangorn forest*
Gimli: This forest is scarey.
Legolas: The trees... they're speaking to each other!
Aragorn: Legolas, I told you not to eat the mushrooms Sam picked....
Legolas: Silence, big talking fern! Hey look, the White Wizard!
Boromir: Ah, it’s Saruman!!!
Glorfindel: I don’t think so...
Gimli: You're alive!
Legolas: You've discovered soap!
Aragorn: Yeah, who knew he actually had white hair under all that dirt?
Gandalf: Yeah, I also got that big promotion from the big guy upstairs.
Legolas: The Valar?
Gandalf: No, J.R.R. Tolkien. Now let me tell you the story. I fell through fire and through water...
Aragorn: Boromir already used that excuse.
Gandalf: I have a flashback to prove it, from the lowest dungeons to the highest peaks...
Aragorn: Wait, wait, wait... how do you fall up a mountain?
Gandalf: Dunno... (seeing Boromir and Glorfindel) How did you two get here?
Boromir: (nods to the writer)
Lordofthejedi17: Ummm... well... hey look, J.R.R. Tolkien! (runs for it)
Legolas: (rolls eyes)
Gandalf: I have come back to tell you that you must go to Edoras, home of King Theoden of Rohan.
Aragorn: Oh man, I hate that guy. He's always strutting around, yelling full ahead, rubbing his good looks in my face.
Gandalf: I promise you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Aragorn: I hope so, because if I have to hear one more Titanic story, I’m gonna scream!
Gimli: What about Merry and Pippin?
Song of the Entwives
*Treebeard is singing to Merry and Pippin*
Treebeard: “Oh ruin my song...”
Merry: I would mush rather be getting tortured by Sauron than listen to this anymore!
Pippin: When do you think we’ll get rescued Merry?
Merry: Pfft. I bet they haven't even noticed we're missing.
Pippin: Can’t the writer skip this scene already?
Treebeard: “Oh where are the Entwives...”
Pippin: Oh great... the writers has fallen asleep.
Merry: Now I know where the Entwives went, they must’ve been annoyed by the singing!
Pippin: Maybe we should pretend to be sleeping. He might just stop.
Merry: Good idea!