The Two Towers Parody
The Riders of Rohan
*The Riders of Rohan come*
Eomer: Stop! How dare you trespass on our poorly marked and unguarded borders! And who’s treating our lands like a golf course?
Aragorn: Ummm, er... give me a sec, I think it has something to do with Orcs.
Gimli: Remind me who put him and his lousy broken sword in charge?
Aragorn: I’m Aragorn the Ranger. This is Gimli the Dwarf, Legolas the
Woodland Elf, Glorfindel the other Elf, and Boromir the... whatever.
Eomer: And who’s hitting golf balls?
Boromir: (hiding his golf clubs) I don’t know, maybe Orcs are doing it!
Gimli: (to Eomer) Tell me what your name is?
Eomer: I would cut off your head dwarf if it stood a little higher from the ground...
Legolas: (holding out his bow) And you’ll look like the last Orc I killed.
Aragorn: Legolas! Put the arrows down. We're tracking a band of Uruk-Hai that took two of our companions captive.
Eomer: You mean those Uruk-Hai that are now a heap of charred bodies?
Eomer: Oh dear... our bad on that. We killed them in the last scene. Here, have two horses.
Aragorn: But there are 5 of us.
Eomer: I said, have these two horses.
Boromir: Way ahead of you Aragorn... Gimli, my 9-iron.
*Cuts suddenly to Frodo and Sam*
Frodo: (sipping coffee) Yes, Sam, they’re running a 2 day sale at Gardens r us.
Sam: (Getting a back rub) Gotta check it out.
Frodo: Hey, wait, they cut to us! (rolling up sleeves) Watch now what happ...
*Ok, I’ll cut back to Boromir*
Aragorn: Maybe it was a bad idea to hit that golf ball Boromir.
Boromir: (with 100 arrows stuck in him) I agree.
The Fate of Merry and Pippin
*Over at the heap of Orcs...*
Gimli: Gasp! Their tiny belts... and tiny cut ropes, and tiny little
footprints heading away from the battle towards the forest. Poor little
Legolas: Let’s get out of here before...
Aragorn: I know who to blame this on... Boromir!
Boromir: What did I do?
Aragorn: You let the Hobbits get captured. All while you were busy getting shot.
Boromir: Now I know why Tolkien killed me. So I don’t have to listen to you and your broken sword!
Glorfindel: Hey, look flashback!
*Flashback of Merry and Pippin escaping the battle*
Pippin: I’m hungry.
Merry: You’re always hungry.
Orc 1: Come back here, I got a name now, it’s treeisabouttosteponyou!
Merry: Let’s run into Fangorn Forest!
*Back to the heroes...*
Aragorn: They're alive! They ran into Fangorn Forest!
Legolas: Fangorn Forest? Are they insane?
Pippin: Oh, like you could have come up with a better plan while being chased by Orcs and attacked by the Rohirrim.
Aragorn: Quiet, you, you're only in a flashback.
Pippin: And I’m still hungry.
*Merry and Pippin run in the forest*
Merry: We got away, or not...
Treeisabouttosteponyou: Come on, I want to play with you!
Merry: Pip, climb a tree! (Orc catches him)
Pippin: MERRY!!!!! MERRY!!!!!
Treebeard: Hem hoom! Who is yelling in my ear?
Pippin: Sorry Mr. Tree.
Treeisabouttosteponyou: (To Merry) Now I’m gonna see what you look like inside...
Merry: You know something? Your name...
Treeisabouttosteponyou: Is treeisabouttosteponyou!
Merry: Sound id out Tree... is... about... to... step... on... you!
Treeisabouttosteponyou: Wha.... SPLAT!!!!
Lordofthejedi17: Sorry, I was throwing goo at Gandalf!
Treeisabouttosteponyou: (looks up) Oh! (Treebeard steps on him)
*Treebeard picks up Merry*
Treebeard: Little Orcs, hem hoom.
Merry: Gimli? Is that you in disguise?
Treebeard: Foolish little Orcs, I am an Ent!!
Pippin: We're not Orcs! We're Hobbits, halflings, Shire folk!!
Treebeard: Two halflings? So that makes one... hoom, well that's all
right then. Instead of squashing you, I will take you to the White
Pippin: That doesn’t sound so bad.
Treebeard: And sing you with songs and tales in Old Entish!
Merry and Pippin: NOOOOOOOOOO!