The Two Towers Parody

by Lordofthejedi17

Part 11
The Riders of Rohan


*The Riders of Rohan come*

Eomer: Stop! How dare you trespass on our poorly marked and unguarded borders! And who’s treating our lands like a golf course?
Aragorn: Ummm, er... give me a sec, I think it has something to do with Orcs.

Gimli: Remind me who put him and his lousy broken sword in charge?

Aragorn: I’m Aragorn the Ranger. This is Gimli the Dwarf, Legolas the Woodland Elf, Glorfindel the other Elf, and Boromir the... whatever.

Eomer: And who’s hitting golf balls?

Boromir: (hiding his golf clubs) I don’t know, maybe Orcs are doing it!

Gimli: (to Eomer) Tell me what your name is?

Eomer: I would cut off your head dwarf if it stood a little higher from the ground...

Legolas: (holding out his bow) And you’ll look like the last Orc I killed.

Aragorn: Legolas! Put the arrows down. We're tracking a band of Uruk-Hai that took two of our companions captive.

Eomer: You mean those Uruk-Hai that are now a heap of charred bodies?

Aragorn: Yes.

Eomer: Oh dear... our bad on that. We killed them in the last scene. Here, have two horses.

Aragorn: But there are 5 of us.

Eomer: I said, have these two horses.

Aragorn: Boromir...

Boromir: Way ahead of you Aragorn... Gimli, my 9-iron.

*Cuts suddenly to Frodo and Sam*

Frodo: (sipping coffee) Yes, Sam, they’re running a 2 day sale at Gardens r us.

Sam: (Getting a back rub) Gotta check it out.

Frodo: Hey, wait, they cut to us! (rolling up sleeves) Watch now what happ...

*Ok, I’ll cut back to Boromir*

Aragorn: Maybe it was a bad idea to hit that golf ball Boromir.

Boromir: (with 100 arrows stuck in him) I agree.

Part 12:
The Fate of Merry and Pippin

*Over at the heap of Orcs...*

Gimli: Gasp! Their tiny belts... and tiny cut ropes, and tiny little footprints heading away from the battle towards the forest. Poor little dead hobbits...

Legolas: Let’s get out of here before...

Aragorn: I know who to blame this on... Boromir!

Boromir: What did I do?

Aragorn: You let the Hobbits get captured. All while you were busy getting shot.

Boromir: Now I know why Tolkien killed me. So I don’t have to listen to you and your broken sword!

Aragorn: You...

Glorfindel: Hey, look flashback!

*Flashback of Merry and Pippin escaping the battle*

Pippin: I’m hungry.

Merry: You’re always hungry.

Orc 1: Come back here, I got a name now, it’s treeisabouttosteponyou!

Merry: Let’s run into Fangorn Forest!

*Back to the heroes...*

Aragorn: They're alive! They ran into Fangorn Forest!

Legolas: Fangorn Forest? Are they insane?

Pippin: Oh, like you could have come up with a better plan while being chased by Orcs and attacked by the Rohirrim.

Aragorn: Quiet, you, you're only in a flashback.

Pippin: And I’m still hungry.


Part 13:
Treebeard

*Merry and Pippin run in the forest*

Merry: We got away, or not...

Treeisabouttosteponyou: Come on, I want to play with you!

Merry: Pip, climb a tree! (Orc catches him)

Pippin: MERRY!!!!! MERRY!!!!!

Treebeard: Hem hoom! Who is yelling in my ear?

Pippin: Sorry Mr. Tree.

Treeisabouttosteponyou: (To Merry) Now I’m gonna see what you look like inside...

Merry: You know something? Your name...

Treeisabouttosteponyou: Is treeisabouttosteponyou!

Merry: Sound id out Tree... is... about... to... step... on... you!

Treeisabouttosteponyou: Wha.... SPLAT!!!!

Lordofthejedi17: Sorry, I was throwing goo at Gandalf!

Treeisabouttosteponyou: (looks up) Oh! (Treebeard steps on him)

*Treebeard picks up Merry*

Treebeard: Little Orcs, hem hoom.

Merry: Gimli? Is that you in disguise?

Treebeard: Foolish little Orcs, I am an Ent!!

Pippin: We're not Orcs! We're Hobbits, halflings, Shire folk!!

Treebeard: Two halflings? So that makes one... hoom, well that's all right then. Instead of squashing you, I will take you to the White Wizard.

Pippin: That doesn’t sound so bad.

Treebeard: And sing you with songs and tales in Old Entish!

Merry and Pippin: NOOOOOOOOOO!