Shire Talk : Special Advertising Section
ShireTalk Magazine Special Advertisements for the Fellowship Line of Consumer Goods
These and other fabulous new items soon to be made available! Check
out these personally endorsed products that the average Middle-earth denizen
may eventually enjoy:
Strider's Kingsfoil Chewing Gum "Cures light wounds and freshens Black-breath"
Samwise's Superior Cookware "Slay a squad of slavering orcs and then serve a sumptuous supper, all in one!"
Peregrin's Preferred Porter (served by the pint, only) "A beverage for the discriminating 'tween)
Meriadoc's Magic Ring Decoder and Conspiracy Kit "For Friends who don't care how much they care"
Gimli, son of Gloin's Axe-wax "Self-cleaning
axe treatment to avoid that 'gumming-up problem' when you are at 39 orcs
and there are still plenty more orcs to go around!"
Legolas' Leftover Lembas Recipe Book "Freshen that stale Elf-cake with these easy-to-find side-dishes and cooking tips"
Gandalf's Revitalizing Shampoo and Conditioner (gets the grey out!) "Strong enough for a Vala, made for a Maiar (use only as directed, prescription required)"
Boromir's Beans the coffee for the serious berserker "Filet to the whim with 'Bororim' "
Frodo's "Fro-doze" a dream-inducing supplement
to bring about prophecy and to aid in sleeping when on prolonged camping
trips with snoring Dwarves.
Please add your own ideas for new products!! Our marketing department is taking every possibility into consederation!
Lothithil Mallorndur, ShireTalk Magazine
Perhaps a cordless shaver that runs on solar energy
and gives that perfect three-day-old-looking shave?
Otherwise how would Aragorn keep his beard Just So?
And how about Elf Air-Cushion insoles, insert them
in your shoes and you can run across the top of the snow, run tirelessly
across Rohan... Aragorn must use them too, but perhaps they don't come in
Gimli's size. Clearly the orcs use them, so perhaps Gimli just left his at
Parth Galen. Or they haven't been properly marketed to the Dwarf population. - sarahstitcher