Shire Talk Reports: Conflict in Gondor

by Lothithil

ShireTalk Magazine

Today's headlines: Photographs prove Jackson is a Hobbit!!

ShireTalk Report: Photographs prove Jackson is a Hobbit!!

This reporter has received conclusive evidence
that the director of the magnificent and visually stunning epic movie trilogy
The Lord Of The Rings is without a doubt a Hobbit!

As you can see, this is a photo (taken by my skillful
and discrete camera-orc) of Meriadoc Brandybuck, Peregrin Took, Samwise Gamgee,
and Frodo Baggins (esquire) sitting on a bench in lovely Rivendell. Next
to them is Mr Peter Jackson. Note, if you will the height, body structure,
and bare hairy feet similarities between them all. Can it be doubted, looking
at this picture, that Mr Jackson a member of this unique species? Clearly
he boasts many Stoor racial attributes, and that fake beard is not fooling anyone, Mr Folco Boffin!

MIA's found: Nob and Bob of Bree-Under-Hill.

Thanks to leads obtained though creative investigative
practices, this reporter has seen with her own eyes the dedicated and diminuitive
duo of Hobbit servants made immortal by JRRT's LOTR. In the book Fellowship
Of The Ring, these two madcap manservants assisted Frodo Baggins and his
gypsy crew as they made their Prancing Pony Unplugged Debut one evening toward
the end of September, S.R. 1418. Nob was their gregarious go'fer and house-keeper,
while Bob (the strong, silent one) cared for their ponies.

Now Msrs Nob and Bob are the owners of their own
businesses. Nob has a caterie, and was oft employed by the NZ filmcrew for
lunches and dinners on set in the Eriador film sequences. As always, his
food is excellent, and the quality of his ale is still superior to the average
Bree brew (we believe that we have Mithrandir to thank for this).

Bob busies himself with caring for the many beautiful
horses used in these films, and travels with the crew to assist in training
and maintainence. Though he would not actually speak to me, he did allow
me to pet Shadowfax and feed the mearas a candied apple that I had received from Nob.

I caught up with them together one afternoon during
a pause in shooting the "Nazgul Roomservice" scene. When I asked if they
were going to be in the final release of the film, Bob shrugged and Nob said,
"Not likely. The focus is on the, Hobbits from the Shire.
They don't want any Breeland riff-raff in the picture!

"Don't get me wrong!... I love this project, and
the films are gonna be great! There is just no more money for more Hobbits.
They blew their budget at Bilbo's party.

"I was lucky enough to be selected as the caterer,
so I got to be there for the Speech. Quite an ending! Shirefolk are very

Bob interrupts Nob, whispering in his tufted ear.
Nob rolls his eyes and says to me, "Bob wants me to ask if there is any
chance if seeing Elijah Wood sing "The Cat and The Fiddle song" while dancing
on a table in the Prancing Pony?"

Not that I know of, Bob, though I would walk the road through the Grinding Ice to see that!!

Lothithil Mallorndur, ShireTalk Magazine

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advertising space is still available)

- Lothithil