Shire Talk Reports: MIAs
Erkenbrand Comes Forward!!
Erkenbrand, commander of the West-mark since the fall of Theodred, son
of Theoden, has come forward to make the following anouncement:
"I am affronted, AFFRONTED, I say. That was supposed to be MY charge
with Gandalf to the rescue of Helm's Deep. But that upstart Eomer --
thinks he's so handsome -- swiped all my glory. Something about saving
money, having one actor playing two parts, but I don't see any skimping
on other parts of the budget!"
Erkenbrand of Westfold was the highest ranking Rider in the Hornburg,
second in command to Theodred. When news of the tragedy of his death reached
him, he immediately sent errand-riders to the King, urging that Eomer be
sent with riders to resist the invasion that Saurman had begun. "Let the
defence of Edoras be made here in the West, and not wait till it is itself
besieged." Possibly due to poor communication, the message was interpreted
as 'curt', and the King's counsellor Grima son of Galmod dismissed the advice.
When this reporter delicately asked just where was Mr Erkenbrand when
Theoden arrived at Helm's Deep, the Rider grew somewhat defensive.
"I repaired the wall, and made this fastness strong!" he retorted, but
gave no clearer answer.
Another MIA found!!
Ted Sandyman, the argumenative son of the miller in Hobbiton, has been
located by Shire-talk Magazine at last. Ensconced in Sing-sing Prison,
China for an undisclosable crime, this reporter is waiting for an
appointment for an interview, upon the next upcoming Visitor's Day.
That is Shire-talk for today! And remember... this ain't News From Bree!!
Have you seen the following MIA's??
Fredegar Bolger and Folco Boffin, childhood friends of the Ringbearer
Southern Rangers Anborn, Mablung, and Damrod
(if you have any information regarding these individuals, please
contact this publication!)
ShireTalk Magazine Update!! Radagast Found!!
Radagast the Brown FOUND!!
This elusive Wizard has kept your reporter running all over Wilderland.
Finally, I located him in Eriador, sipping a pint at the Forsaken Inn (a
day's journey east of Bree). Clad in rusty reds and autumn browns, he
cut a distinctive figure among the seedy lot of Rangers loitering in the
According to Radagast, who is somewhat shy but friendly, he was one of
the first of JRR's characters Peter Jackson approached to come onto the
project. "I was flattered, let me tell you!" he said with a laugh.
But a career on film was not as important to this flora- and fauna-
friendly Maia as his current vocation. Rad has been working with Steve
Irwin (the crocodile guy) in Aussieland, using his distinctive talents
to assist the reptile wrangler.
"My job is to keep him safe from the animals...it's easy, because he
is so good with them. A more diffcult job is preventing him from being
devoured by his critics."
Lothithil Mallorndur, for ShireTalk Magazine
A ShireTalk Report!!
A development in the search for Folco Boffin!! Exclusive!!
Mae govannen, Middle-earth! ShireTalk Reporter Lothithil Mallorndur here.
I am standing among the peaceful plots of the Hobbiton Cemetary on a beautiful
winter morning. Don't be alarmed by the location, folks! I came here to 'lay
to rest' a rumour. News from Bree had it that the missing Hobbit Folco Boffin
was 'no longer with us'. But after examining the facts, (hastily discards
a shovel behind a bush) I have concluded that Mr Boffin is not yet dead.
Indeed, it is the opinion of this journalist that Mr Folco Boffin is
very much alive and well, and hiding 'in plain sight', as it were.
Furthermore, I have uncovered some evidence that Mr Boffin, childhood
friend of Frodo Baggins and co-conspirator of the H.B.I. (Hobbitry Bureau
of Inquisitiveness, consisting of Peregrin 'Peeper' Took, Samwise 'the Sly'
Gamgee, and Fredegar 'the Ferret' Bolger, and headed by Meriadoc 'the Mastermind'
Brandybuck) is very deeply involved with the making of the LOTR movie trilogy.
Could it be that he is incognito, posing as, say, one of the crew? We
could imagine that he may be thinly disgused in a prominent role in the film
production. Dare I suggest, even taking a hand in the 'direction' of the
Just who is this 'Peter Jackson' fella anyway?