Part EightFrodo: The rings are getting heavier (clutches bag of rings tied around his neck)
Boromir: I can carry them for a little if you want, Frodo.
Frodo: Umm… ok. (hands Boromir the bag)
Aragorn: Don't worry, Frodo, we'll be to the Gathering soon.
Boromir: Here Frodo. (hands bag back)
Frodo: wha…? Er… ok. (takes bag)
(Frodo gets a pained look on his face)
Frodo: Oh… it feels…even heavier….
Boromir: Oh….well. Sucks for you. (walks off)
(The fellowship begins to approach a huge building with many people
outside. It is decorated with a giant ring and a lit sign reading "The
Legolas: I think I see it! Is it…?
Aragorn: Could it be….?
Frodo: MORDOR! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!
(everyone blinks at Frodo)
Frodo: Oh…sorry. (puts on puppydog eyes) The ring… it weighs me down…
Sam: We have to find a way inside
Aragorn: No we don't.
Aragorn: You and Frodo do. This is not our scene.
Aragorn: Ok, I think we should split up.
Merry: Why's that?
Aragorn: I don't know, it just feels right.
Aragorn: Pippin, you go with Merry. Sam and Frodo go together. Legolas and Gimli, you come with me.
Boromir: What should I do?
Aragorn: Umm….. just… go… play in traffic or something.
Borormir: Ok. (walks away)
Aragorn: We have to find Gandalf. He must be here somewhere.
(Gandalf walks up)
Aragorn: Gandalf! We came to rescue you!
Gandalf: Oh, well your too late - took care of it myself.
Aragorn: Aren't you supposed to be going somewhere?
Pippin: Oh, right…
(Merry and Pippin walk away)
(Boromir walks up, carrying Frodo and Legolas, except they appear to have shaved their heads and are wearing suits)
Boromir: (scowling) Look what I have found! They were trying to pass through the black gate!
Elijah Wood: What are you doing, Sean??
Orlando Bloom: I demand to speak to my agent!
Aragorn: (gasp) It's the Evil Fellowship! How did they find us??
Legolas: (staring at Orlando) I can't believe it!
Gimli: Arrrrr! I know - its an outrage!
Legolas: No, its not that. Its just….
Legolas: Until now, I never knew there was another man on earth as beautiful as I!
Legolas: Though, I can't say I like what you've done with your hai..…agh!
(Gimli punches Legolas, who falls to the ground)
Gimli: Stupid elf! These are spies and warriors sent by Saruman to do away with us!
Orlando: No, no we aren't! Were just actors!
Aragorn: Actors? Hmm… what region are they from?
Gandalf: Some come from the northeast, and some from the
west. They are a perilous lot to be around. They have the
ability to blend in with their surroundings and are hard to spot.
Orlando: No, I swear - we mean you no harm. Tell them, Elijah! Elijah….?
(looks around to see Elijah staring down at the significantly shorter Frodo)
Elijah: Your….. really short..
Elijah: This is awkward…
Aragorn: Boromir! How did you find them?
Boromir: Well I went towards the cars. I knew you couldn't have
literally meant for me to play in traffic, but must have wanted me to
scout those entering the gates of Mordor.
Aragorn: Er… um…yeah.
Boromir: Well, There were many soldiers guarding the entrance, and I
saw these two get out of one of the cars! At first I thought it was
Legolas and Frodo but they were dressed so oddly… and the minions of
EVIL were cheering them!
Orlando: This bloke is crazy….!
Aragorn: Silence, fiend!
Boromir: Well it seemed these could be none other than the Evil
Fellowship so I, Boromir, thought of nothing else than capturing
them and putting an end to whatever mischief they had planned!
Boromir: Thought it was a really brave thing to do myself……
Boromir: Cause you know, not everyone…
Aragorn: Get on with it!
Boromir: Er… right… ok. Well I tackled them on the red carpet and I
knew my life surely must be at an end. But none of the soldiers tried
to stop me! In fact, some of them were laughing - like it was some type
of show! It just goes to show what type of loyalty Sauron's
minions really have toward each other.
Orlando: But you don't understand… I don't know what you all are on
about but you have taken your little fantasy game a little too far -
its sick. Viggo? This isn't funny anymore. They can't start the
premiere without us.
Aragorn: Hmm…. So your saying, if we keep you captive here, Sauron's
evil plan will be stopped and we may have a chance to save Middle
Aragorn: You two are not going anywhere, for now.
Orlando: Elijah - try to talk some sense into him.
Elijah….? (turns to see Elijah still off to the side talking with
Elijah: Your right to be outraged! Weed should be legal… I don't know how we've gone on myself…
Orlando: Some help here?
Elijah: Oh, your ok. (returns to conversation)
Aragorn: Frodo and Sam must be on their way. Don't worry - we will guard these spies of Saruman!
Boromir: Aragorn - I don't know what it was about me that made the
minions of Mordor not attack me, but I should be able to lead Frodo and
Sam through the gate. They seem to think I'm one of them.
Aragorn: Very well.
Frodo: I must do one thing before we depart. (walks off)
Borormir: Er… I'll go make sure he stays safe. (walks off)
Boromir: None of us should wander alone, you least of all.
Frodo: I need to go to the little hobbits room….
Boromir: Well, I'm not stopping you.
Frodo: Its just…
Frodo: I don't want to take the rings.
Boromir: Why not?
Frodo: How would you like to have 14 dozen giant flaming eyes watching you while…
Boromir: OK! You can just ah… give them to me! (beams) I'll keep them safe! You can trust
Boromir! (strikes a heroic pose)
Frodo: uh… thanks. (gives bag of rings to Boromir and walks away)
(Aragorn walks up to see Boromir leaning over, pouring rocks into the bag of rings)
Boromir: (jumps) Er….. uh…. Doh!
Aragorn: Are you putting rocks in Frodo's bag of rings?
Boromir: NO! No! Never! No no no…yeah.
Aragorn: But why??
Boromir: If I can just make the bag heavy enough Frodo will
become so weary of carrying and guarding it that he will drop it and I,
Boromir, will pretend to pick it up for him and in that one moment that
he is not closly guarding the rings I will take one!
Boromir: ……But it all has to be timed perfectly, or he will suspect something.
Aragorn: Yes, of course.
(Frodo comes back out)
Boromir: Hey, little buddy - all safe and sound. Absolutly no change WHAT SO EVER. (hands bag back to Frodo)
Frodo: (whimpers) The rings are getting heavier.
Boromir: Just be strong, Frodo. (winks at Aragorn)
Aragorn: This is it. We are parting ways…. Good luck to you and
your quest Frodo, Sam… Boromir. We are depending on you.
Sam: What are you going to do?
Aragorn: We have battles to fight!
Sam: Oh yeah, where?
Aragorn: Shut up.
Sam: Your just a chicken!
Aragorn: Listen now…
Sam: Chicken! Chicken! Chicken!
Aragorn: Awww… get outta here. (pushes Sam away)
(Frodo and Boromir shrug and walk off towards Sam)
Legolas: I think that was somewhat less poignant than I was hoping for.
Aragorn: Who asked you?
Aragorn: Well… I think we have to go fight or something.
What to know where their epic journey will lead them?
Tune in next week! (i.e. some other year....)