The Archer Mice of Middle-earth

by Varda


The White Rodent of Rohan


Legomouse had only that morning had his roots done and was in no mood to have his hair ruined by some loutish Uruk-Rat.
But when he saw Aramouse Ellessarodent himself go down under three ruffian rats he had to act and ended up breaking a
manicured nail on the head of one of Wormtail’s gang…



‘Oh drat!’ he shouted. ‘Wizardmouse! Will you stop messing about with your ensemble and help us!’

‘Aha!’ shouted Wizardmouse, at last getting his cocktail stick disentangled from his new cloak and whipping out from under
his white robes a pink sheet which he brandished in the face of Wormtail.

‘Form P45!’ he cried in triumph. ‘Certificate of termination of employment! You’re fired, Grimouse!’

‘Have you submitted it in triplicate to the Department of Industry and Enterprise?’ shrieked Wormtail.

‘It’s in the post!’ thundered Wizardmouse.


At this Wormtongue fell to the floor with a wail and Wizardmouse advanced on the throne of King Théomouse, where the
monarch sat rambling on about cheddar sandwiches.

‘Hearken unto me’ cried Wizardmouse in ringing tones. ‘I release you from your spell….’

King Théomouse looked blearily at the White Wizardmouse then suddenly straightened up and looking around in alarm said;

‘What’s going on? Why am I dressed like a Viking? My agent promised me a part in Harry Potter….’


Just then the radiant White Rodent of Rohan, Lady Éowynmouse, burst through the crowd and dashed to Théomouse’s side.

‘Wow!’ said Boromouse.

‘Hi babe!’ said Aramouse

‘Aramouse!’ said Legomouse indignantly ‘Have you forgotten Arwenmouse?’

‘Who’s Arwenmouse?’ asked Éowynmouse suspiciously.

‘No-one, just some mouse I know…’ stammered Aramouse.

‘You rat!’ sobbed Legomouse. ‘Who gave you that necklace?’

‘No-one, I found it somewhere….’ faltered Aramouse.


‘It isn’t fair!’ burst out Boromouse suddenly.
‘There are only two eligible ladymice in this story and they both fall for you’ Aramouse looked smug.

‘I demand to see the scriptwriter…’ quavered Boromouse.

‘What about me?’ said Frodent in annoyance. ‘I’m the hero after all..’

‘No you’re not’ snapped Aramouse ‘I am.’

‘No I am’ retorted Frodent.

‘No it’s me’

‘No it isn’t, it’s me..’


‘The hero of the Quest …’ broke in Wizardmouse ‘ …is stung by a big spider, beaten up by orcs and gets his paw mangled…’

‘It’s Aramouse’ said Frodent quickly.

‘No it isn’t, it’s you’ replied Aramouse. ‘You wanted it a minute ago.’

‘Well I don’t want it now…’ said Frodent.'It's all yours..'


'And they said MY mind was overthrown...' muttered Théomouse.