The Archer Mice of Middle-earth
The Legend of the Golden Whisker
of Glóinmouse then stood forth
and bowed low to Queen Galadrimouse, who inclined her head with a regal
gesture of her paw and a gratified twitch of her whiskers. She said;
‘Long has it been since any of the race of
Elf-mice set paw in Mouselórien, Gilmouse. Fair were the
underfloor spaces of Khazad-mouse in elder days before the fall of
mighty rodents in Dublin Four….’
Gilmouse gazed starry-eyed at Galadrimouse
when he heard his ancient homeland so praised. Boromouse whispered to
Aramouse behind his paw
‘I think our dwarfmouse has just taken the cheddar and the trap is
Just then Gilmouse replied, with a low sweeping bow and a flourish of
‘Yet more fair is the living realm of
Mouselórien, and the Lady Galadrimouse is above all jewels that
lost on Haddington Road…..’
The Galadrimice were delighted with this
exchange of high rodent courtesy but not Celemouse the Wise. His
whiskers thrumming with jealousy he broke in;
‘I say, isn’t it time for dinner, Galadrimouse old girl? They might
start without us…’
‘Shut up, Celemouse ‘snapped Galadrimouse in irritation. ‘They won’t
start without me, I’m the Queen….’
‘I think Celemouse might soon be Galadrimouse’s ex-consort’ whispered
Aramouse to Boromouse
‘…Celemouse the Stupid..’ replied Gondormouse.
‘Ask of me what you will’ said Galadrimouse,
falling victim to Gilmouse’s suave Dwarfrodent charms. A gasp went up
from the assembled Galadrimice. Celemouse squeaked in rage. Haldirmouse
looked secretly happy at Celemouse’s discomfiture..
‘..and it will be granted….’ Added the Rodent Queen, in a regal manner.
‘Well’ said Gilmouse ‘since you ask, just a golden whisker from your
‘this is unsufferable!’ screamed Celemouse.
'I think it is wonderful!' cried Legomouse,
clasping his paws in ecstasy. 'Legendary, mythic....almost good enough
With a faintly musical twang and a slight
grimace of pain, Galadrimouse tweaked a long golden whisker from her
resplendant facial growth. She graciously held it out to Gilmouse, who
took it and bowed again.
'This Golden Whisker' he announced grandly
'will ever stand as a symbol of the harmony between Pembroke Road and
Upper Baggot Street, between the Elfmice and the Dwarfmice....I will
set it in imperishable crystal, if time and Uruk-cats spare me...'
The Galadrimice applauded politely. The
Halfrodents tore themselves away from the strawberries and cream to
cheer as well. Celemouse jogged Haldirmouse's elbow.
'Oh what now, Celemouse?' said Haldirmouse, craning to see the
'Look what I got...'
'what is it?' asked Haldirmouse, as Celemouse unstoppered a tiny
medecine bottle. A rank whiff of tomcats issued forth...
'Phew!' exclaimed Haldirmouse, wrinkling his nose and twitching his
whiskers 'what is that?'
Celemouse smiled a sly smile.
'With this elixir I will anoint the Archer Mice before they go out into
'But what is it?' Haldirmouse asked again.
'Cat attractant....' said Celemouse with a grim smile....