The Archer Mice of Middle-earth

by Varda


Mice in Tights


Pursued by the fierce felines of Raglan Road, the Balmogs, the Heroic Archer Mice were forced to flee to the safety of Mouselórien, a great stand of Mousemallorns, also known as chestnut trees, on the banks of the Silverdodder.

The Elfmice of Mouselórien are known as the Galadrimice, and so stern and warlike are they that even the squat, slant-eyed Orcats of Dol Ringsend hesitate to venture into the depths of the forest….

‘We can’t go in there!’ exclaimed Pipsqueak.
‘Why not?’ Asked Frodent.
‘Is it because a great Sorcermouse lives in these woods?’ asked Gilmouse
‘No’ said Merimouse. ‘They never give you your ball back when you are playing football…’
‘This is a serious Quest!’ broke in Wizardmouse. ‘Not a sporting fixture!’ he pointed to the Balmogs, licking their whiskers. ‘Would you prefer to be a sandwich filling?’

There was no more argument, and the Archer Mice hurried into the great forest…soon they were surrounded and stopped by a band of great Elfmice bearing great bows and wearing bright green jackets and green tights.

A tall lordly Elfmouse stepped forward. He was clad in a red cape and golden leotard bearing the letter ‘H’ on the chest, and he was wearing red tights.
‘I am Haldirmouse’ he said, looking down at the Archer Mice. Legomouse said in astonishment;
‘Aren’t you a bit overdressed?’
‘Ah!’ said Haldirmouse coldly. ‘A Mirkmouse from Mirkmousewood, one of our backward woodland cousins….’
‘I beg your pardon’ said Legomouse angrily ‘I’m not going to take that from a mouse with no clothes sense whatsoever…’
‘Peace, peace!’ cried Wizardmouse, and he turned to Haldirmouse and said;
‘We are the Heroic Archer Mice of Dublin 4 and we are on a Quest, mission, thing….’
‘Who is your leader?’ asked Haldirmouse.
‘Good question’ muttered Boromouse.
‘I am’ said Frodent.
‘He is.’ said Wizardmouse to Aramouse.
‘You are.’ said Aramouse to Wizardmouse.
‘Too many chiefs and not enough Indians’ muttered Boromouse.

‘Well’ drawled Haldirmouse brushing dust from his red cape.’I am leader here, and these’ he indicated the Elfmice in green tights ‘are the Merry Mice of Mouselórien’.
‘They don’t look very merry’ remarked Pipsqueak.
‘Neither would you if you had to wear green tights’ said Frodent……