The Archer Mice of Middle-earth

by Varda


Qualified to Be a Hero


The examination is of three hours duration. Three questions must be attempted, including Question One. Conferring disqualifies.

Question 1. Comment on the role of warrior prince in literature in general and in The Lord Of The Rings specifically.
Support your answer with examples.

'Oh no!' said Boromouse 'not the warrior prince question!
'Sssst!' said Frodent 'We'll all get thrown out of the exam! We've already failed twice....'
'That was Legomouse's fault.' said Gilmouse 'He wrote dates on the back of his paw and got caught...'
'They weren't dates!' answered Legomouse angrily 'They were very important phone numbers!'
'Don't ring us we'll ring you.' snorted Gilmouse.
'Quiet!' said Aramouse 'I think the warrior prince is a brilliant question!'
'You would, wouldn't you?' grumbled Boromouse
'Why doesn't the Heroic Hobbit ever come up?' whined Sammouse.
'That film has gone to your head' said Frodent 'You got more lines than
I did!' Sammouse smirked.
'Sammouse the Great, Heroic Gardener....'

'Why do we have to do an exam anyway?' piped up Pipsqueak.
'To prove we are worthy of The Quest!' answered Merrimouse.
'We are worthy!' said Gilmouse 'it is just that we aren't too bright...'
'Speak for yourself' snapped Legomouse.
'Pip's right!' said Boromouse 'Who said we have to do this? Long have my people, the Mice of Gondor, failed exams, and no-one ever
said they couldn't go on Quests.'
Frodent stood up
'I will take the exam, although I do not know why...'
'Who set the Paper?' asked Aramouse suspiciously.
'The Bureaurats of Dublin 2...' said Gilmouse.
'WHAT?' shouted all the Mice.

Aramouse drew himself up to his full height and took his sword in his paws and said
'Have we passed through fire and water and cast down the Balmogs to bandy exam questions with shiny-trousered worm-tongued slaves of Sarumouse?'
'NO!'they all shouted.
'What will we do?' asked Aramouse
'One for all, all for one!' shouted Boromouse
'Wrong book, you eejit!' answered Aramouse
'Oh, sorry!' said Boromouse 'We are with you, Aramouse, your friends are with you!'
'That's better!' said Aramouse.

'Forth, Dublinfourlingas!'
all; 'Forth!'

Sarumouse walked out onto the balcony of his citadel of Isengasworks and viewed the serried ranks of his mighty Uruk-rat army.

'Dublin Four is rotten and ripe to fall!' he shouted to the dark host.
'They have failed their exams!' he raised his paws and cried
'To war.....'

There will be no dawn for Mice.....