The Archer Mice of Middle-earth

by Varda


The Archer Mice of Middle-earth go to Queen Galadimouse's Garden Party


‘Very well’ said Haldirmouse reluctantly ‘The Archer Mice won the Mouse Doubles in the lawn tennis tournament, so you are all invited to Queen Galadrimouse’s Garden Party….’
‘Yippee!’ said Pipsqueak ‘Can I have the strawberries and cream now…?’
‘I haven’t a stitch to wear..’ sobbed Legomouse.
‘Speaking of which…’ said Boromouse sternly to Aramouse ‘put that mail shirt back on….’

Looking crestfallen, Aramouse covered up his magnificent mouse torso again, to disappointed cries from the female Galadrimice queueing for his autograph. Gilmouse said with a frown;
‘I hate garden parties. I hate gardens! Give me a nice warm mine any day, no wasps, no downpours….’
‘Just try not to do the wrong thing and disgrace us all’ said Legomouse fretfully.
‘Sorry, I must have left my tennis whites in the mine…’ muttered Gilmouse.
‘Quiet, you two!' hissed Wizardmouse...

At last the Heroic Archer Mice of Dublin 4 were led before Queen Galadrimouse, a snowy-white mouse who was clad in shining silvery raiment made from a neat semicircle of Carrickmacross lace which went missing out of the middle of a tablecloth on Wellington Road one hot day when the door was left open to the garden…

‘We greet you, brave Archer Mice’ Queen Galadriel said graciously, inclining her head on which was a diadem set with a single gem. (an engagement ring lost in Herbert Park)
‘Nine there were set out from Peppercanister and nine there still are…..hold on, that is one too many.’ Galadrimouse frowned. ‘Own up, who didn’t die?’

‘Him there’
‘That guy’
‘Wizardmouse’
‘Yer man’
‘Whatsisname’

..and they all pointed to Wizardmouse, who bowed and said, through gritted teeth.
‘Thank you, friends…’ and to Galadrimouse; ‘we changed the script…’

‘Changed the script!’ cried the assembled Galadrimice in horror. .
‘Purists!’ muttered Boromouse in disgust.
‘Yes’ answered Wizardmouse airily. ‘There were bits we didn’t like, so we changed them….’
‘You can’t do that!’ screamed Haldirmouse.
‘We had very good reasons’ said Boromouse, then lowered his voice and hissed at Haldirmouse;
‘…if I were you I’d say nothing, they have slated both of us for The Great Mousetrap In The Sky in the script as it stands….’

‘Look’ said Galadrimouse in irritation ‘never mind the script, who is here?’

‘Well’ said Aramouse, clearing his throat, ‘There’s me, of course, King Aramouse..’
‘Yecch!’ exclaimed Boromouse. Aramouse twitched his whiskers in annoyance then went on…
‘..then there’s Boromouse here, some kind of housekeeper….
‘Son of the Steward!’ hissed Boromouse
‘..then there’s Prince Legomouse of Mousewood….’
‘Hey, redneck!’ shouted one of the Galadrimouse. Legomouse picked up a hazelnut and threw it with devastating accuracy. A squeak of pain followed and Legomouse smirked. Aramouse sighed heavily and continued;
‘Wizardmouse you have already met and the other four are Halfmice’
‘Halfrodents!’ shouted Frodent, Sammouse, Merimouse and Pipsqueak in indignation.
‘Sorry, guys,’ said Aramouse then to Galadrimouse ‘..halfrodents, actually’

‘That..’ drawled Galadrimouse ‘..makes only eight.’
‘Oh yes, how could I forget’ said Aramouse hitting his forehead with his paw. ‘the last one is a Dwarfmouse…’

‘A dwarfmouse!’ screamed all the Galadrimice in horror. At once elfmice were seen running up trees and jumping into lakes and throwing themselves onto traps. Queen Galadrimouse put a paw on the hip of her slinky white dress and raised one eyebrow; Gilmouse leaned casually on his axe, throwing out his hairy chest. A look of pure rodent chemistry passed between them.

‘What is the problem?’ asked Gilmouse innocently…..