The Archer Mice of Middle-earth

by Varda


The Flying Wizardmouse


'Those bureaurats have made a complete balrog of
this!'snapped Sarumouse springing to his paws at the breakfast table
and tearing a letter to shreds.

'What is it?' simpered Grimnouse Wormtail,
quietly snatching the last morsel of cheddar from Sarumouse's plate
while he was not looking.

'They say...' read Sarumouse, perching a tiny pair of spectacles on his nose and peering at a corner of paper

'..no grants are available at present from European Union funds for the raising of an army of Uruk-rats..'

'Their priorities are quite feline to me...' murmured Grimouse placatingly.

'Do you know what this means?' shrieked Sarumouse at his cowering servantmouse. 'We have no money!
 The Archer Mice will win!'

'No, wait, there's always eBay...' Grimouse said

'That is where you spend money, idiot..' barked Sarumouse.

'No,' persisted Grimouse 'it is where those
sad fans of the Archer Mice buy everything! All we have to do is filch
some rare item and they will pay a fortune for it!'

Sarumouse sat back, rubbing his whiskers. The rodent had an idea...

'But what will we sell?' he asked.

'I know!' said Grimouse. 'The banners from the video shop! We can steal them when the staff are not watching.....'

That afternoon, armed with a razor blade, the
two mice scurried in the door of Supervision on Baggot Street....they
quickly clambered up the door frame and across the top of the shelving
to where a long line of banners advertising The Two Towers was
attached. Grimouse began to saw through the string while Sarumouse
lowered himself down to catch the banner before it fell.
'Now be careful!' said Sarumouse. 'If you cut through it too quickly it will fall and so will I.........'

with a rip and a tear the string gave way and
customers looking up were astonished to see a mouse dressed as a Wizard
abseiling down the dvd section on a Lord Of The Rings banner depicting
Aragorn. Screams erupted from the female customers and there was a
stampede for the door...

'I don't believe what I am seeing' said one of the shop assistants to the other.

'It's like a bad Harry Potter movie...' said the other.

'There are no bad Harry Potter movies...' said the first.

'Don't tell me we are going to have this Harry Potter vs The Lord Of The Rings argument all over again?'
asked the second.

'No, but only because if we don't do something about that mouse we will both be out of a job...'

And then the Harry Potter fan, who was a
tennis fan as well, picked up his racquet and advanced on Sarumouse.
The wizardmouse was clinging to the end of the banner and swinging back
and forth across the shop like a rodent Tarzan. The shop assistant
raised his racquet but just then a gust of wind blew in the open door
and carried Sarumouse out into the street, high over the traffic jam in
Waterloo Road till he managed to parachute into a grassy garden in
Pembroke Road.

'Darling?'

'What my dearest?'

'I could swear I just saw a mouse dressed as Saruman flying across the road on a picture of Aragorn.'

'Sweetheart?'

'Yes darling'

'Do you remember I said no-one could watch the same film sixty times without suffering
 permanent side effects.....?'