The Archer Mice of Middle-earth

by Varda


The Hard Way to Eradicate Mice


Grimouse Wormtail hurried down the endless black corridors of the Isengasworks. As he entered the great chamber and approached the desk littered with recipes for instant Uruk-hai Sarumouse looks up from his Evening Herald with surprise.

‘Grimouse! What are you doing here on Monday? You haven’t an appointment, come back on Wednesday, I have a window at 4.30…’
‘Shut up you old fool!’ snapped Grimouse ‘They’ve found me out!’
‘Found you out!’ shrieked Sarumouse, losing his place in the used orc ads.
‘Yes!’ cried Grimouse in tears ‘Found me out, thrown me out, sacked me!’
‘Have you brought your P45 with you?’ asked Sarumouse doubtfully.
‘I lose my parking space in Edormouse AND the girl and all you can worry about is the paperwork?’snarled Grimouse.
‘Never mind your love life!’ snapped Sarumouse ‘Tell me what happened!’
‘That crowd of amateur DIY heroes from Dublin 4, the Archer Mice, brought Théomouse to his senses…’
‘What senses? How?’ thundered Sarumouse.
‘They showed him the bill for his credit card which Éowynmouse has been using while he was not concentrating...by the way, one of the Archer Mice calls himself King Ellessarodent’
‘King!’ gasped Sarumouse.
‘Yes, King of Mouse Tirith, although his colleague Boromouse is none too keen on that at all, says the position isn't vacant....didn’t you see all this in your crystal ball? Some fortune teller you are!’
‘I am NOT a fortune teller.’ Said Sarumouse haughtily. ‘I just did that for a few weeks when I was broke. Anyway...' and Sarumouse hauled himself to his paws and stalked over to a great vat of crystals
'..I have solved the problem of the Archer Mice.'
'How?' asked Grimouse suspiciously.
'With this homemade explosive!' said Sarumouse triumphantly, uncovering the vat.
'Homemade explosive?' asked Grimouse doubtfully. 'remember what happened the last time....'
'This is different!' said Sarumouse confidently. 'I have got the mixture right this time.'
'Really?' said Grimouse, impressed despite himself. He leaned over the vat with the candle in his paw, and a drop of hot wax fell into the crystals.....

A loud explosion rocked the Dublin 4 docks area...