The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*At the Green Dragon. Frodo is getting drinks while Merry and Pippin are singing on a table.*
Merry and Pippin: “...To heal my heart and drown my woe, rain may fall
and wind may blow but there still be many miles to go, sweet is the
sound of the pouring rain and the stream that falls from hill to plain,
better than rain or rippling brook... (Pippin alone) Is a mug of beer
inside this Took!” (both of them laugh, then Pippin falls off the
Frodo: Pippin, are you ok!
*Several hobbits are talking at a table. Frodo joins them.*
Hobbit 1: War is brewing...
Gaffer: You’ve cracked like Bilbo Baggins!
Hobbit 2: I read ahead in the book, we gotta start getting ready now!
Gaffer: Your right! We should get arrows ready for “The Scouring of the Shire”
Frodo: Here’s your drinks...
*Sam and Frodo leave the Green Dragon*
Rose: Good bye, Sammie.
Sam: She called me “Sammie”
Frodo: Wow... well good night Sam.
Sam: Good night, Mr. Frodo. Oh, by the way, I got that new grass-cutter. State-of-the-art, it uses horses.
Frodo: Cool, cut my grass.
*Frodo walks into Bag End.*
Frodo: At least I didn’t run into the door this time. Hmmm... Dark,
windows open, what's next! A hand is going to come out of the shadow...
Gandalf’s hand come out of the shadow and grabs Frodo’s shoulder.
Frodo: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! GANDALF! YOU SCARED ME!
Gandalf: Where is it?
Frodo: Where’s what?
Gandalf: THE RING!
Frodo: Oh, I lost that ring 10 years ago...
Frodo: (laughs) Just pulling your leg. Here it is. (holds out envelope)
Gandalf grabs the envelope and throws it in the fire.
Frodo: What are you doing!
The envelope burns away. The ring lays on the ashes. Gandalf grabs the ring with a pair of tongs.
Gandalf: Take it.
Frodo: Have you lost your mine?
Gandalf: Don’t worry, its so hot, its cool.
Frodo takes the ring, which is much heavier.
Gandalf: Is there any writing on it?
Frodo: You would’ve burned off any ink and there’s no engraving...
Gandalf: Good, for a minute, I thought this was...
Frodo: Hold on, there’s writing on it. I would tell what it says if I could read...
Gandalf: Its Mordor’s speech.
Gandalf: In English it says “One Ring to balance them all, One Ring
to bind them, One Ring to screw them all and throw the rest out.” On
the inside, its says: If found, please return to:
Dark Lord Sauron
1 Barad-dur Way
Gorgoroth, Mordor 72510
*Frodo sits at the table with Gandalf*
Gandalf: This is the One Ring, Sauron made it to balance the other
rings out because he didn’t like 19. Isildur chopped the ring off
Sauron‘s hand in payment for his broken sword.
Frodo: Bilbo found it...
Gandalf: Yes, since The Hobbit, Bilbo has had the ring. But Sauron is back and he wants his ring...
Frodo: But Sauron died.
Gandalf: No, Frodo, Sauron returned in sprit. His Orcs have
tripled, he’s rebuilt 1 Barad-dur Way. He only needs this ring to take
over the world again. So’s he looking for it. And the ring want to get
back to the hand of...
Frodo: Hold on, if Sauron is a sprit, how can he have a hand?
Gandalf: I don’t know. But we need to hid the ring.
Frodo: Ok! Ummm... ummm... we buried it in the ground! We never
talk about it again... Gandalf, i’ll take the silence as a bad sign...
Gandalf: Gollum told Sauron that the ring is here... So, lets get this story under way.
Frodo: What do I have to do?
*Frodo starts packing a bag.*
Gandalf: GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!
Frodo: Get out of what, the house or the Shire?
Gandalf: Both! (Gandalf folds Frodo a shirt which Frodo takes and messes up.)
Frodo: (running around in circles) Where do I go?
Gandalf: I don’t know...
Frodo: Well, I need to stop by Bree and drop off my Dry Cleaning...
Gandalf: Good, meet me at the that hotel bar there, what's it called, the Pooping Pony or the Pouncing Pony...
Frodo: The Prancing Pony?
Gandalf: Yes, that one. (Frodo packs some food) Watch out for Ringwraiths...
Frodo: Ringwraiths? RINGWRAITHS!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH... (Jumps out the nearest window)
Gandalf: Huh, that was strange... Frodo left the ring.
A few minutes later, Frodo runs into the door again.
Frodo: OW! I’M GOING TO HAVE THE PERSON WHO PAINTED THIS DOOR WITH THE SAME COLORS AS THE INSIDE! I’m back.
Gandalf: What made you come back?
Frodo: New Line threatened me with a Breach of Contract suit and my
agent is stupider than dirt! Gimmie my junk so I can get going...
Gandalf: Ok, but first I have to give a long speech about how
Hobbits are good and bad... Hold on... I sense a disturbance in the
Force... SAMWISE GAMGEE!!!! (Reaches out the window and grabs Sam.)
Sam: Please don’t me into anything...
Gandalf: What did you hear?
Sam: Nothing importion, nothing big, something about the end of the
world... nothing big... Please, I don’t like that look on your face...
Gandalf: Don’t worry, I got bigger plan for you like... the
unlikely hero needs an even more unlikely sidekick for this adventure...