The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*Frodo and Galadriel are looking into the Mirror of Galadriel*
Galadriel: You wanna look into my mirror?
Frodo: Is that an insult!?
Galadriel: NO! This scene is from the book. You have to look!
Frodo: If I may point out, Sam is also in this scene in the book.
Galadriel: Sam wanted way too much money to do this scene so we cut him out.
Frodo: Fair enough (looks into the mirror).
Galadriel: So what do you see?
Frodo: I really need a hair cut.
Galadriel: Anything else?
Frodo: (sees Shire being destroyed) Nothing important... (sees Hobbits
being tortured) this is getting boring... (sees Middle-Earth burning)
Zzzzz... zzzz.... (sees Orcs shopping at the clearance sale at Hobbits
R’ Us) NOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Galadriel: Important stuff, right?
Frodo: I dunno... something about doom. I wasn't really paying attention. Anyway, take the ring, I don’t want it anymore.
Galadriel: But if I take the ring, I will become a evil queen THAT CAN RULE THE WORLD!
Frodo: Fine! Then I won’t give you the Ring!
Galadriel: I already got one and mine’s better! Anyway, Frodo, you
gotta break from the Fellowship. (Darth Vader breathing) It is your
destiny, look inside you’ll see the truth!
Frodo: You read my mine, I was planning on blowing the joint anyway.
*Saruman and Lurtz are talking*
Saruman: Do you know how the Orcs first came into being?
Lurtz: Ohh... not The Talk!
Saruman: They were Elves that something, something, something, turned into evil. Now, I got a job for you...
*Outside in Isengard*
Saruman: Now, find a Hobbit named Frodo Baggins, here’s a picture!
(Holds up a picture of Pippin) Find him and bring him here, tell him he
lost... he lost... his mind.
Lurtz: Are you kidding me?
Saruman: No, now go find HIM!
Saruman: No buts or you will meet the back end of my staff!
*Back in Lothlorien...*
Celeborn: Here are some spare cloaks I found in my closet.
Boromir: These really itch.
Merry: Yeah, they do.
Celeborn: Just live with it...
Legolas: Lembos. This will fill you up with one small bite.
Merry: Should we tell him that it takes 4 to fill us up?
Pippin: Nah... (passes gas)
*Celeborn talks with Aragorn*
Celeborn: Now what road are you gonna take?
Aragorn: I don’t know... like I know Middle-Earth geology.
Celeborn: You got a map in your back pocket!
Aragorn: I won’t lie to you... this is a map of my backyard. I just looks like Middle-Earth.
Celeborn: The book says you been everwhere in Middle-Earth... including the far lands of Rhun!
Aragorn: Hold on... just where in Middle-Earth is Rhun?
Celeborn: Like I care... I think it thatta way... (points east)
*Galadriel is giving out gifts*
Galadriel: I am so, so sad to see you all go.
Merry: Just make with the gifts already.
Galadriel: Alrighty... to Legolas I give you this bow, the best we’ve ever made...
*Legolas pulls back the bow to have it break in half*
Galadriel: Ummm... you voided the bow’s warrenty! Now to Merry and Pippin, I give you these daggers.
Pippin: What do we need with these?
Galadriel: I don’t know, like I ever read the book. Now, to Aragorn, I
supposed to give you a sheath for your sword, but since the book was
changed when the movie was written, I GIVE YOU NOTHING! Except some
stupid speech about that jewel you have.
Aragorn: Well, there is one thing I could use...
Galadriel: I know, ear cotton, so you don’t have to listen to Tom Bombadil.
Aragorn: Thanks a million!
Galadriel: Now to Sam, I give you some dirt.
Sam: But in the movie, I get a rope.
Galadriel: The writer of this Parody knows that! Here’s the rope (gives
Sam the rope). Now to Gimli, I give you chunk of my hair, and to Frodo
I give you a vile of water that’ll glow when you yell a word! Am I
*Boromir clears his throat*
Galadriel: Oh yeah, to Tom Bombadil, I give you bubble gum and to Glorfindel I give you a Life Insurance policy.
Glorfindel: (reading the Life Insurance policy) ‘Void if your death is caused by a Balrog’.
Galadriel: And that’s everyone! NOW get out of here!
*On the boats*
Boromir: I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! THAT...
Lordofthejedi17: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF THE MODS!!!!
Boromir: Ok, you stupid...
Lordofthejedi17: That’s it! (1000 Orcs appear out of nowhere)
Boromir: SORRY! (Orcs vanish) I can’t believe this, the writer tries to kill me, yet he can’t kill Tom Bombadil off!
Pippin: I heard that Tom Bombadil paid to be in this Parody.
Boromir: (evil grin) That gives me an idea...