The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*Gandalf urges the Fellowship towards the Bridge of Khazad-Dum*
Gandalf: Run! Run! Fly!
Frodo: Gandalf, we can’t fly!
Balrog: Hi there, my name is Bob the Balrog.
Gandalf: You got some very hot breath there, Bob, have some Tic Tacs.
Bob the Balrog: Nah, I wanna fight...
Back at the bridge...
Frodo: You got to be kidding, the bridge is this narrow!
Sam: I have a fear of heights.
Aragorn: Don’t worry, we’ll be computer generated then we’ll run across.
Bob the Balrog: Come on, you don’t like the way I play?
Gandalf: I don’t play with fire whips and swords!
*The Fellowship runs across the bridge; Gandalf stops midway.*
Gandalf: You shall not pass!
Frodo: Gandalf! You’re wasting screen time!
Gandalf: Hey, I got some flame that I serve, yada, yada, yada... anyway, Mr. Worf, shields up!
Mr. Worf: Aye Sir.
Pippin: Where did he come from?
Bob the Balrog: Boo! Eat my fire sword!
Gandalf: Can’t, I’m already eating the Witch-King’s fire sword in Return of the King.
Bob the Balrog: Well, then eat my fire whip!
Gandalf: Hey, didn’t your parents teach you not to play with fire? For that, I’ll break the bridge!
Bob the Balrog: AHHH!!! (Falls in a deep hole)
Bob the Balrog: Not today! (throws up fire whip and grabs Gandalf).
Frodo: Oh no, you killed Gandalf! Anyway, lets go!
Gandalf: I can’t fly you fools! (Falls in with the Balrog)
Boromir: AHH!!! RUN!
*They all run out of Moria*
Frodo: Cool, I’ve killed Gandalf!
Aragorn: Frodo, the script says that you’re supposed to bawl your eyes out!
Frodo: I am? Well (steps in really cold water and starts crying) there!
Aragorn: Now lets get to Lothlorien before we’re knee-deep in Orcs and we run out of screen time!
*The Fellowship runs into a Forest*
Legolas: So what are we looking for?
Aragorn: Nothing, I just like these trees.
Gimli: We gotta turn back, I left my good ax back in Moria!
Gimli: Stay near me, Hobbits, Elfs of great power live here! And they take people and they are never seen again.
Frodo: I’ve heard that a thousand times.
Aragorn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get moving before the casual audience gets bored.
Gimli: Well, here’s one dwarf that won’t be taken, I have the eyes of a Hawk, the ears of a Fox...
Haldir: ...and the intelligence of a Goldfish.
*They have arrows held to their heads*
Haldir: The dwarf talks so loud, we’ve could’ve shot him in the dark.
Gimli: Now listen up here... (Alot of stuff falls out of his beard) Oops!
*Night, Haldir and the Men are talking.*
Haldir: (In elvish) Ah, Legolas! Come here to party?
Legolas: (In elvish) No, help me here! They all smell bad! I can’t take it anymore! Aragorn is the worst...
Aragorn: (In elvish) Legolas, I can understand Elvish.
Legolas: (In elvish) Oh shoot! Look, I can explain!
Gimli: HEY! SPEAK WORDS WE CAN ALL UNDERSTAND!
Haldir: You emotions are beginning to affect your judgment...
Aragorn: Haldir, this is Lord of the Rings, not Star Trek.
Gimli says something really bad in dwarfish.
Aragorn: Gimli, I’m gonna get a bar of soap...
Gimli: ...and wash yourself with it! HA!
Haldir: (sees Frodo) AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! He’s got an evil ring of power! You’re all under arrest for carrying rings of power!
Boromir: I demand to see you boss! You do not arrest the son of the Steward of Gondor!
*The Fellowship is walking through the woods*
Haldir: That is Caras Galadhon, the CG home of... blah, blah, blah!!!
*Later inside Caras Galadhon...*
Celeborn: Oh my, where’s Gandalf! He’s got my credit card!
Legolas: Gandalf fell in Moria, with a Balrog!
Celeborn: OH NO! I don’t know what a Balrog is, but I’ll look scared anyway!
Galadriel: Yep, Now rest here while I tell Frodo something stupid!
Celeborn: You’ll have to ignore my wife here, I think she’s eating mushrooms.
Sam: Wait a minute... (check bag) where did my halucanagentic Mushrooms go?
Galadriel: (mouth full) Why are you lookin’ at me?
Glorfindel: PLEASE JUST LET ME BE IN THE MOVIE! One scene!
Frodo: Oh man, ok.
Legolas: They’re singing for Gandalf.
Merry: What are they saying.
Legolas: I don’t know, I can’t speak Elvish.
Aragorn: Boromir, calm down!
Boromir: I can’t! Minas Tirith will fall and my old man is gonna die!
Aragorn: You think that's bad? We gotta bring Glorfindel along now!
Boromir: Hold on a minute, Glorfindel doesn't come with us in the book.
Aragorn: Well, this is the kinda stuff you get when you change a book
into a movie! Well, it could be worse, Tom Bombadil could be coming
Tom Bombadil: Oy, did someone call old Tom's name?
Aragorn: Boromir, hope you bought ear cotton.