The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*Bilbo's gate opens and then Bag End’s door opens.*
Bilbo: (reappears) Cool! Now I will pack up some stuff and get out of hear...
Bilbo gets some stuff. Gandalf appears by the fire place.
Bilbo: (gripping his chest) Ahhhh, Gandalf, You nearly gave me a heart attack! How did you get in here?
Gandalf: I used a Transporter. Now, Bilbo, that was a bad thing you did back there. I demand you go back say your sorry.
Bilbo: No, I’m not sorry! (packing some more stuff) i’m leaving all my junk to Frodo.
Gandalf: And your ring?
Bilbo: I’m taking it and there’s nothing you can do!
Gandalf: Your leaving it or...
Bilbo: Or what? Your too old to do anything! The ring is mine! Mine own, my precious!
Gandalf: Precious? Your starting to sound like Gollum!
Bilbo: Admit it, you want the ring for yourself!
Gandalf: BILBO BAGGINS! (Bilbo falls against the wall, Gandalf dims the
lights and grows mean) DO NOT TAKE ME AS A OLD MAN WHO CONJURES CHEAP
TRICKS; THAT’S WETA DIGITAL’S PROBLEM! I DON’T WANT THE RING! (lights
return to normal) I just want to get out of here, already!
Bilbo: Your right, I better get going... (walks towards the door)
Gandalf: Nice try, Bilbo, but I still know the ring is in your pocket.
Bilbo: (pulls out ring) Do I have to? Ohhhh... (drops ring on the floor) Better get going...
Gandalf: Bilbo, the real ring!
Bilbo: Oh... (drops the real ring on the floor) Now I cracked the floor by doing that!
Gandalf: Bilbo, you forgot the Red Book.
Bilbo: Oops... (gets the book and then walks outside) Well, I
thought of an ending to my book, its “Well, I’m back”. (Bilbo starts to
walk down the road, singing) “I can’t believe I’m singing this stupid
song. I hope it ends soon or somebody interrupt me...”
Gandalf: Until next time...
*Gandalf walks back inside Bag End.*
Gandalf: Hmmm... Bilbo really cracked that floor tile. I should pick
the ring up (reaches down but pulls buck his hand when he sees the Eye
of Sauron) No, I’ll go over to the fireplace and smoke until someone's
*Gandalf is smoking in front of the fireplace talking to himself.*
Gandalf: I should put more wood on that fire... (hear Frodo’s voice)
Frodo: BILBO! BILBO! (runs into the door) OW! (opens door) Bil...
what’s this? (reaches down and pick up the ring) Bilbo left his ring.
(see Gandalf and walks over to him) Gandalf?
Gandalf: Bilbo left you his ring...
Frodo: Gandalf, your repeating stuff. Besides, Bilbo broke the floor tile! And in payment I get what, a family heirloom?
Gandalf: Bilbo left you his house and all his junk. (holds out envelope, Frodo puts the ring inside) The ring is yours.
Gandalf gets up, grabs his staff and hat and runs for the door.
Frodo: Where you going?
Gandalf: I’m leaving to read some junk. I’ll be back in 17 years...
Frodo: What do you mean?
Gandalf: Doom, Evil Ring, Dark Lord. Got all that?
Frodo: I'd better write this down...
Gandalf leaves, Frodo looks at the envelope.
*Shows overview of Mordor and the Tower of Barad-Dur. Gollum yells.*
Gollum: If you want your ring, its at:
5 Bag End Rd.
Hobbiton- The Shire, Eriador 14632
*Shows Nazgul leaving Minas Morgul. Gandalf comes to the top of a hill near Minas Tirith.*
Gandalf: Oh my! Better read that account and get back to the Shire...
*Shows overview of Minas Tirith, then Gandalf walking through the city. Then Gandalf walk into some kind of a library.*
Gandalf: Hmmm... the account of Isildur. Let’s see... June 13, 3419
S.A. “Today I stubbed my toe. Sauron wanted to talk, Dad invited him to
Minas Tirith. Then...” oops, wrong account! Ah, right one. The year
3434 of the Second Age. “Dad was killed today by Sauron and broke my
sword. So I chopped his fingers off and took his ring. Nice shiny ring,
the writing on it begins to fade but can be bought back by cooking the
*Some Hobbit is chopping wood as the Nazgul approaches.*
Nazgul: We’re looking for someone by the name of Baggins. He owes us alot of money.
Hobbit: Then go to Hobbiton.
Nazgul: Is that where we could find Baggins?
Hobbit: No, its were you can find the Hobbit Bill Collectors. That away. (Pointing towards Hobbiton)