The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*The Fellowship gets ready to leave Rivendell.*
Frodo: So, Gandalf, tell me, why can’t we use an Eagle to get to Mordor?
Gandalf: Do you know how far it is to Mordor? Do you see a restroom on those Eagles?
Frodo: You do have a point there.
Elrond: Ok, Frodo is leave to go to Mt. Doom, you who travel with him
are bound by ironclad contracts to follow him! Break them and it will
be the End of the World! HA HA HA!
Gandalf: Elrond, they’ll cut this scene of the film if you don’t stop laughing... oops too late!
Elrond: Errr... Farewell, and may the blessings of Elves, Men and Free Folk...
Gandalf, Gimli and the Hobbits: You are rude, can’t you just say “Dwarves, Wizards and Hobbits”!
Elrond: Ok, may the blessings of Elves, Men, Dwarves, Wizards and
Hobbits go with you. Live long and Prosper... No, Ummm... May the Force
be with you... NO! What’s the tag line I’m supposed to use? Whatever,
just get out of here!
Gandalf: We want Frodo to go first.
Frodo: What for... whatever. (starts walking to the way out) Mordor, Gandalf, is it left or right?
Gandalf: Second star to the right, then straight on till morning.
Frodo: Left it is then.
*Everyone leaves but Aragorn.*
Aragorn: Arwen, see you in the Return of the King.
*The Fellowship takes the Ring south.*
Gandalf: La La La... walkin’ around!
*Bill the pony has a bumper sticker that says “We have the ring of power. So there!”*
Frodo: So Gandalf, where are we going again?
Gandalf: MORDOR! We have to go to the Gap of Rohan... (stops)
Frodo: What is it?
Gandalf: Oh its a huge gap in the mountains near Isengard, but that not important right now. We’re being watched.
Frodo: By who?
Saruman: Ha, I see you in my... (automated voice) please deposit 25 cents now.
Gandalf: Nobody now.
*Boromir is sword practicing with Pippin and Merry. Everyone else sits around.*
Boromir: Here, I love playing around with my plastic sword.
Pippin: I wish I had a sword. All I got it a stick painted silver.
*Gimli and Gandalf are talking.*
Gimli: We have to go through the Mines of Moria!
Gandalf: If you think I’m gonna get crushed in a railcar, with you,
then be driven around the place that has bad lighting with singing
dwarves, you’re sadly mistaken!
Gimli: Whoa, I hit a nerve!
Gandalf: I have seen every mining movie! It would take a black cloud of birds to change my mine!
Legolas: What’s that? It looks like a black cloud of birds!
*Back to Boromir and the Hobbits.*
Pippin kicks Boromir in the shins. Both Merry and Pippin jump on him.
Aragorn tries to pull them off. The black cloud of birds gets closer.
Sam: AHHHHHH!!! Black cloud of birds! AHHHH!! (runs in circles)
Frodo: Sam, its ok, they’re just birds!
Sam: I’ve seen every Alfred Hitchcock movie! Including the one with the birds!
*Everyone hides, the birds circle around then go back south.*
Gandalf: Spies! Screw the Gap of Rohan...
Gimli: Then we go to the Mines of M... oohhhh!
*Gandalf elbows Gimli in his beard and a whole lot of stuff falls out*
Gandalf: We cross on... (points at the mountain) Redhorn Pass!
*The Fellowship is on the Pass of Caradhras. Frodo falls over and loses the Ring.*
Frodo: Oh no, I lost the ring! Time to go home!
Boromir: Not today (Picks the ring up) Cool, its mine, my own, my precious!
Aragorn: Give the Ring to Frodo or I’ll throw this snowball I made at you!
Boromir: No, not that! (Gives the Ring to Frodo) There, happy!
*Back at Isengard, the black birds arrive.*
Saruman: So, you’re going over Caradhras? Well, Gandalf, time to eat snow!
*Back on the mountain...*
Aragorn: Legolas, how can you walk on top of the snow?
Legolas: Ha, I don’t want to sink to your level! Hey, I hear yelling on the air!
Gandalf: (on cellphone) YEH, I WANT TWO PIZZAS, BOTH PLAIN AND A LARGE
DRINK! Oh, hold on, got another call. Yeh? (Saruman voice starts
echoing) Saruman, I don’t have time for this!
Legolas: He gonna bring down the mountain!
Gandalf: My pizza is more important than that!
Aragorn: Lot of snow coming!
*Lot of snow covers the Fellowship. They pop up out of the snow.*
Gimli: I’m a powdered dwarf!
Gandalf: That's it, Saruman is getting cut out of the Return of the King!
Boromir: Now, where do we go?
Gandalf: We should keep going over the mountain.
Gimli: No, I think we should go through the Mines of Moria.
Frodo: Hmm, this mountain is awfully cold... I think I'll go with the dwarf's idea.
Gimli: Ha! Gimli 1, Gandalf 0.