The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*Strider is reading a book. Boromir comes walking in.*
Boromir: Hmmm... (Checking out the paintings) Cool. Now, lets see... (Turns to see Strider) Who are you?
Strider: A friend of Gandalf the Grey, and the heir of... ohhh!!!
Boromir: I see, you’re the heir of ohhhh the black.
Strider: Ummm... yeh, I’m his heir, I’m here for Elrond’s big party tomorrow.
Boromir: That’s cool, that's what I’m here for. (sees the broken sword)
Ohhh... the broken sword that Sauron has to pay for. (cuts himself on
the sword) owww... that hurts, (turns to Strider) It’s all your fault!
*Boromir drops the sword and leaves. Strider comes over and picks up the sword and places it back on the table. Arwen come in.*
Arwen: Take the sword, Aragorn.
Strider: You know you have to call me Strider until the Council!
Arwen: Sorry. Why won’t you take the sword?
Strider: Well, first of all, I would like it put back together. But then I don’t think I’ll take it.
Arwen: ehhh... will a love scene change your mind?
Strider: As long its cut out of the film.
*Cuts to a love scene on a small bridge.*
Arwen: (in elvish) I like you Ara... Strider!
Strider: (in elvish) Yeh, I know! Please talk in English.
Arwen: Sorry! Here, take this jewel (Hands Strider the Evenstar).
Strider: What the... what is this? I don’t recall this from the book!
Arwen: Its isn’t in the book, it holds my life-force and...
Strider: You can’t me this! I might lose it!
Arwen: Don’t worry, if you lose it, the prop department will get you a replacement and this scene is in the film.
Strider: Oh, ok... WHAT! This scene is in the film! Ok, cut to the party of Elrond!
*Cuts to the Council of Elrond*
Elrond: Frodo, why should you stay on?
Frodo: Cause I said so. Besides, I got the Ring of Power!
Elrond: Fair enough. Bilbo Baggins, you’re fired! Now get out of my council!
Bilbo: ohhhhh... (leaves)
Strider: Now that over with, I got the cake!
Boromir: I got the best wine from Minas Tirith!
Elrond: I lied to everyone! There is no party!
Strider: I know, this cake is really Styrofoam covered in icing.
Boromir: And this wine is just water.
Frodo: And this Ring is from the prop department.
Elrond: Frodo, put the prop on the table.
*Frodo gets up and puts the ring on a table. Boromir gets up.*
Boromir: Hmmm... like the ring, can take it and use it? I want to give it to my brother Faramir as a birthday present.
Gandalf: (in Black Speech) NO WAY! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING! YOU CANNOT USE THE RING...
All the Elves: OHHHH!!!!
Gandalf: (in Black Speech) ...AND YOU CAN’T TAKE IT! SO THERE!
Elrond: Gandalf, that was illogical to say that.
Gandalf: I know. You can’t use the ring! OK?
Boromir: (whining) I wanna take it!
Strider: Please don’t whine! You can’t take it, your contract says so!
Boromir: Who do you think you are! The King of Gondor?
Legolas: Actually, he is. His real name is Aragorn and he’s the heir of Isildur!
Strider: Unfortunately, all I get is this lousy broken sword.
Boromir: Wow, that's cool! (sits downs)
Gandalf: Now that’s over with, we must do something with the Ring!
Elrond: We have to destroy it!
Gimli: Ok, then (Gets up and hits the ring with his ax, which breaks)
Oh, I broke my good ax! Maybe... (Gets out a blowtorch, lights it and
tries to melt the ring) That didn’t work, lets see what else I got in
Elrond: Gimli, before you waste a movie, the ring can only be destroyed inside Mt. Doom.
Frodo: Well that's just convenient! Will somebody please take this stupid ring and destroy it?
Boromir: Hey, Mordor is a black place like underneath your bed. The air you breath is poisonous fume!
Elrond: Well, I told Sauron not to eat too much popcorn and concession stand snakes!
Legolas: Then I’ll go take the Ring to Mordor!
Gimli: NO! I want too!
Boromir: No, I want too!
Elrond: Sorry, Frodo has to take the ring to Mordor.
Everyone: Nuts. (They start fighting)
Frodo: OHHHHH!!!! Do I have to?
Aragorn: Well, he can't go alone. (Everyone stops fighting) Frodo, you have my sword!
Legolas: And you have my bow.
Gimli: And my Ax.
Gandalf: And my staff and hat.
Boromir: And my horn.
Sam: And my pot and pans.
Elrond: Where’d you come from?
Sam: I was listening from behind the flower pot!
Merry and Pippin: So were we! Frodo, you can have are... are... stuff!
Frodo: (Holding a huge pile of weapons) And you have my resignation!
The Fellowship: We'll take the stuff back.
Elrond: Now if that's settle, lets get this story underway! You’re the Fellowship of the Ring! Now get out of here!
Pippin: Great! Where are we going?
*Aragorn is cleaning off weeds on Gilraen’s Memorial*
Elrond: (in Elvish) Well, I don’t know who she was, but she gave me you.
Aragorn: Actually, there is no one here, this is just a statue on the ground.
Elrond: Aragorn, take the broken sword.
Aragorn: If you put it back together, then I will.
Elrond: NO WAY MAN! Do you know how much that costs?
Aragorn: Why don’t you pay for it?
*Frodo and Bilbo are in a room.*
Bilbo: Hey, here’s my sword from The Hobbit, Sting.
Frodo: Cool! What else?
Bilbo: This shirt of paper rings. Why don’t you put it on?
Frodo: I got no time for that, this movie been going on for nearly 2 hours already! Look at the Ring...
Bilbo: Give it to me! (Makes a look like a bug and tries to take the ring)
Frodo: Whoa! Watch it, Mr. Bug Baggins!
Bilbo: Sorry, Frodo. Maybe its a good time to cut to a new scene?