The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*Arwen heads for the ford.*
Arwen: La, la, la, just running on my horse...
Nazgul 1: Hi! We are the Nazgul, you will be assimilated! Resistance is futile!
Arwen: What is this! Lord of the Rings or Star Trek?
Nazgul 1: Well... GIVE US THE RING!
Arwen: No way!
Nazgul 1: The I’ll get all my friends! (All the Nazgul come)
Arwen: Ahhh!!!!! Run faster!!!!! (hears horns) Lunch Break!
*All the horses stop and eat Lunch*
Witch-King: Lets see what I got today... (Opens his lunch box) Ohhhh...
I told my wife to to cut my peanut butter and jelly sandwich in half
across, not diagonally!
Nazgul 1: (Looking at his watch) Oh, come on, lets take the Hobbit!
Witch-King: (Packing his mouth) Not while I’m eating!
Arwen: I packed a lunch today! (Takes off)
Nazgul 1: She tricked us!
*The Nazgul take off after Arwen. She reaches a river and crosses it.*
Arwen: Ha, I’m safe!
Nazgul 2: You ruined our lunch breaks!
Witch-King: Yeh, so give us the Hobbit, She-elf!
Nazgul 1: We’ll take you to Mordor!
Arwen: Do go there with me! Come and get the Hobbit then!
Witch-King: Ok. (The Nazgul go into the river)
Arwen: (in elvish) Computer experts of Weta Digital, create a lot of CG water to wipe out the Nazgul.
All the Nazgul: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Arwen: SEE YOU IN THE NEXT MOVIE!!!!
*Screen fades white*
Frodo: Oh, my eyes hurt from this white fade-out.
Elrond: (in elvish) Mr. Anderson, welcome.
*Fades into Frodo in bed.*
Frodo: Hey... where am I, and am I getting sued?
Gandalf: You're in Rivendell: exposition capital of Middle-Earth and no, we saved you from the lawyers.
Frodo: Gandalf, you’re late! What day is it?
Gandalf: October 24th, 3018 T.A.
Frodo: OHHHH!!!! I missed the clearance sale at Hobbits R’ Us! Hold on, how did you get off that tower?
Gandalf: This flashback will show you.
*Shows flashback of Saruman and Gandalf fighting.*
Saruman: Turn to the dark side, master Gandalf! Oh, welcome to the
flashback. I'm the guy that captured Gandalf while you guys were in
Gandalf: Hey, you know something Saruman? Just like you lost Obi-Wan in Star Wars, you will lose me too.
Gwaihir the Eagle: Hi, I'm here to rescue Gandalf.
Gandalf jumps onto Gwaihir and flies off.
Saruman: Stupid moth!
*Cuts back to Frodo in bed.*
Frodo: Wow, cool!
Gandalf: Yep, Frodo.
Gandalf: Sam stayed by your side the whole time you were here.
Frodo: Aww, that's so nice.
Sam: I was reading up legal stuff just in case New Line decided to sue you.
Gandalf: Merry and Pippin made it here alive, too.
Elrond: Hello, Mr. And... Frodo!!
*Shows beauty shot of Rivendell*
Frodo: Just love the Elves with Hobbit railings.
Merry and Pippin: HI, Frodo.
Frodo: Yeh, yeh... (Sees Bilbo) BILBO!!!
Bilbo: Yeh, Frodo, its me. Check out my book.
Frodo: You copied The Hobbit.
Bilbo: Well, that what’s The Hobbit is about!
Frodo: Well, I wanted to make a Hobbit story too, but I got stabbed and sued. I’m not you Bilbo.
Sam is packing his bags.
Frodo: Where are you going Sam?
Sam: To the boardroom to see in the boss is gonna fire me or not.
Frodo: Don’t worry, he won’t. But if he does, I’ll go dump this
ring in the trash and come with you. I might have better luck on the
*Elrond and Gandalf are talking*
Elrond: Who should I fire?
Gandalf: None on them, fire Bilbo, he’s useless.
Elrond: Still after half a movie, the Hobbit got the ring yet. What should we do with it?
Gandalf: We have to return it to the store, its the wrong size.
Elrond: The store won’t take it back, I lost the receipt. Weren’t you saying that the ring’s warranty will expire soon?
Gandalf: It expires April 1st of next year. And if we oh, destroy the ring, we would get a huge amount of money.
Elrond: Cool! I owe alot of taxes and unpaid parking tickets.
*Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, and others enter.*
Gandalf: Who invited them?
Elrond: I did, we need them for the fellowship. So I holding a big party later. I’m leaving this shore.
Gandalf: Yeh, I know, that river can give you a headache.
Elrond: No! I’m leaving Middle-earth and going to Left-earth, where
there are no tax collectors. Hey Gandalf, care for some back story?
Gandalf: Since I already know this stuff anyway... sure.
Elrond: Men are dumb, Isildur could’ve stopped this story before it ever got off the ground.
*Shows a flashback scene of Elrond and Isildur.*
Isildur: Ummm... CHOP YOUR FINGERS OFF!!
Sauron: Why did you do that. (runs away crying)
Isildur: Hmm... he left his ring here. Nice writing on it, i’m gonna take it.
Elrond: Isildur, come with me.
Elrond leads Isildur into the Cracks of Doom.
Elrond: Throw it in!
Isildur: Yo, this is a flashback scene and there is a movie revolving
around this ring, so no. Its mine, my own, my precious! So why don’t
you run off to your little Validor and play around.
Elrond: See, Gandalf? Isildur kept the ring and we got a movie now.
Gandalf: There is "you know who", he could become king of men give
Sauron what he needs, a good kick in the rear! He’s in the next scene.