The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*Cuts back to Isengard where all the trees are gone and there are caves. Gandalf is still on top of the Tower.*
Gandalf: Wow, lot of caves and no trees, what does this remind me of?
(A moth comes) Get away, stupid moth! Hold on, (catches moth) I need
you to... (whispers to moth who takes off) And make it fast!
*Back in the caves, orcs are making sword and helmets. At the very
bottom of the caves, orcs are growing something in the floor.*
Orc 1: What are we growing?
Saruman: Like I know... the producers never told me!
*Lurtz the Uruk-Hai comes out of the mud and kill one of the Orcs.*
Lurtz: Hi, I’m the new guy.
The Orcs go to the book.
Orc 1: Hey, I can’t find this guy in the book!
Saruman: I don’t think you’ll find him.
Orc 1: Well, I’ll find him!!!!!!
Saruman: Go right ahead, then!
Lurtz: Ohhhh... Let me go find the ring!!!!
Saruman: When the time comes...
*Cuts over to Trollshaws forest. Frodo is laying on the ground.*
Frodo: Oh, look its those trolls that Bilbo fought in The Hobbit...
Sam: Hey Frodo, we just found a whole bunch of swords and...
Frodo: Sam, this is Lord of the Rings, not The Hobbit!
Sam: Oh, (Throws swords out) well... you’re freezing Frodo, have you been in the Freezer again?
Frodo: No Sam... ohhhhhh...
Pippin: Is he gonna die?
Strider: Of course not, he’s under an ironclad contract.
*The group hears a Nazgul screech.*
Nazgul 1: Hello? Hello?
Merry: Oh, that's just great! Why can’t these trolls be around now, when you really need them!
Strider: Sam, go find some kings foil weed.
Strider: Because I told you to! Hurry!
*Strider and Sam find some Kings foil. Tom Bombadil and Glorfindel enters.*
Tom Bombadil: I never was told why I was cut from the movie!
Glorfindel: Because we want the scariest character to be Sauron! Ha, at least they didn’t cut me out and...
Strider: (looking at the script) Actually, they did cut you out.
Glorfindel: WHAT! I’m too important to the story! How does the story work without me?
Legolas: They use me and...
Strider: Ummm... Legolas, it isn’t you either.
Glorfindel and Legolas: Then who is it?
Tom Bombadil: I’m going to “talk “ to the director!
Glorfindel: Ummm... I think I will to... TOM, WAIT UP!
Strider: That got rid of them. Oh Arwen...
Frodo: Hate to break up your little meeting, but if you don’t save me soon, I’m gonna get sued!
Arwen: Well, that’s a mood killer!
Strider picks up Frodo and puts him on Arwen’s horse.
Strider: Quick Arwen, you take Frodo to Rivendell. We'll wait here.
Arwen: Won't the Ringwraiths get you here?
Strider: Don't worry. They'll ignore us until they consider us a threat.
Arwen: (in elvish) Well, nice seeing you.
Strider: (in elvish) I don’t understand a single word of what you’re saying.
Merry: Where are you taking him?
Strider: Like I know! Arwen, get out of here, don’t look back... don’t look back...
Arwen: Don’t look back? What are we making here? Lord of the Rings or a remake of Star Wars Episode I?
Pippin: Can I get some more lines in this scene?
*Arwen leaves, Sam complains.*
Sam: They’re gonna get assimilated by the Nazgul-Borg!