The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*Cuts to Isengard where Saruman is hovering his and over the Palantir.*
Saruman: Hey, Sauron! Hello? Its Saruman, the Wizard of Oz! (Shows the
Palantir with the words: Please insert CG Eye here) Hello?
Eye of Sauron: Hey, old man, I need a... (cuts to some automated voice)
If you wish to keep talking, please deposit 25 cents now.
Saruman: Darn Numenorens! The only people who have to make a
pay-Palantir! (deposits 25 cents) For an island that is sunk, they sure
make alot of money! Sauron, are you still there?
Eye of Sauron: Ok, I need a big army that can be killed easily.
Saruman: That will take a entire movie to do.
Eye of Sauron: Then get to work, old man!
*Shows Saruman sitting as several orcs enter.*
Orc 1: Hey, what does the Eye want?
Saruman: The Eye wants us to make an army for the next movie.
*The Orcs start to pull down trees. Gandalf wakes up on top of the tower.*
Gandalf: Ohhh... I got a headache. Man its raining, and what's all that sound?
Gandalf watches the Orcs pull down the trees. Saruman comes up to the orcs.
Orc 1: Hey, it was raining in the previous scene, but now its not!
Saruman: Its magic, and now it will rain.
Orc 2: Hey, stop talking about rain, we got to pull all these trees down and have a bunch of caves running by the next scene!
Back on top of the tower...
Gandalf: Well, I should not have worn my dry-clean only clothes.
*Strider and the Hobbits reach Weathertop.*
Strider: Here it is, Weathertop, it has the only working bathroom in Middle-earth.
*The Hobbits take off their bags and lay down. Strider unwraps 4 swords.*
Strider: Oh, I happen to have 4 hobbits swords on me for some reason. You want them?
Merry and Pippin: OK!
Strider: Do you actually think I would give you two swords? I don’t trust you with twigs!
Merry and Pippin: OHHHHHHHH...
Strider: I’m going somewhere...
Strider: I’m going back to the Prancing Pony... and no, Sam, you can’t come!
*Frodo wakes up as Sam, Merry and Pippin are cooking.*
Frodo: Hey, what are you doing?
Merry: We’re eating, and attracting Ringwraiths!
Frodo: NOOOOOO!!!! (Steps on fire) OWWW!!!
Merry: You got ash on my Bacon!!!!
The Nazgul screech. Frodo and the others walk to the top of the tower.
Frodo: Ok, we’ll use these little Hobbit swords against 7-foot Nazguls... is anyone else guessing the odd?
Merry: (In Spock voice) The odds that we will get away from the Nazgul is 1,345,125 to 1 and...
Frodo: Merry, shut up.
The Witch-King and 4 other Nazgul enter.
Nazgul 1: I told you that I would get my boss!
Frodo: I’m not scared of him!
Nazgul 2: (In Yoda voice) You will be, you will be...
Frodo: Don’t make me laugh!!!!!
Witch-King: I'll make you laugh, how many hobbits does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Witch-King: 4, one to screw the bulb in and the other 3 to hold the first one up!
Pippin: I don’t get it.
Nazgul 1: Then eat our swords!!!
The Nazgul hold up there swords at the Hobbits.
Sam: I’ll face you all, I challenge you to a duel!
Nazgul 2 knocks Sam, Merry and Pippin out of the way.
Sam: (crying) No Fair!!!!!
Frodo: Ohhh... (Drops sword) I know, I’ll put the ring on!
Witch-King: Ring? What Ring?
Frodo: You never told me, who are you?
Witch-King: My name is King, Witch-King. I’m here to get that ring back!
The Witch-King draws a Morgul Blade.
Witch-King: Check out my Hobbit sword.
Frodo: Tell you what... I’ll give you the ring... When Mordor freezes over!
*Frodo puts the ring on. He goes into the Twilight World.*
Frodo: Oh my, they really are movie extras gone bad!
Witch-King: Actually, I’m an actor... and I still want that ring!
Frodo: NO! I already told you...
Witch-King: (Holds up blade) Then I’ll stab... (Cellphone rings) Hold
on, ohhh, its my Wife, the Witch-Queen! (answers Cellphone) Yes, well
I’m in the middle of something, NOT I’M NOT!!! Ok, I’ll be right home,
you want milk? Ok, I’ll pick up a gallon...
Frodo: Hey, you’re wasting my time!!!!
Witch-King: Ohhh, sorry. (Stab Frodo in the shoulder) There!
Frodo: OWWW!!! THAT REALLY HURT, I’M GONNA HAVE A LUMP THERE!
Strider: Never fear! Strider is here!
Witch-King: Uh oh!
Strider starts attacking the Nazgul with fire.
Nazgul 1: Hey, you lit my brand new cloak on fire!
*Frodo pulls off the Ring. Strider drives off the Nazgul!*
Sam: Houston, we got a problem here!
Strider: Oh, Frodo been stabbed by a Morgul Blade. Now watch it will turn into CG dust. (Blade turns into dust) See?
Sam: What about Frodo?
Strider: Why are you telling me? I’m not a doctor!
Sam: Do you know any?
Strider: Well, he can go to my doctor, Elrond of Rivendell.
Pippin: Is that the same Elrond from The Hobbit? He’s a doctor now!
Strider picks up Frodo and they leave Weathertop.
Sam: Frodo will never make it! Rivendell is 15 minutes screentime away!
Frodo: GANDALF, GET OFF THAT TOWER!!!!!