The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
*The Hobbits arrive at Bree.*
Merry: Ah man, Sam! I’m never getting on a boat with you again!
Pippin: I agree! Sam, you... you... didn’t lose any weight even after being boat sick!
Frodo: Sam, you ruined my dry-cleaning!
Sam: Hey, that wasn’t me! Maybe if you pulled your hood down, ITS RAINING OUT!
Frodo: Lets just get into Bree! (pounds on gate) HEY, OPEN UP!
A small door opens on the gate.
Gatekeeper: Yes, want do you want!
Frodo: We’re heading for the Pooping Pony...
Gatekeeper: There’s no Pooping Pony here! Go to Rivendell! (slams door shut, Frodo knocks again) WHAT NOW!!!!!!!
Frodo: I demand you let us in our i’ll... i’ll...
Frodo: Do you want to find out how the Hobbits got their ear pointed?
Gatekeeper: Oh no! Not the dreaded Elf-ear pull! I’ll let you in! (Open the gate) Go, go, go! Get in!
*The Hobbits enter Bree. They walk the street until they reach the sign
hanging that says Prancing Pony (Hobbits with the Ring of power and
Nazgul looking for the Ring of power welcome) The Hobbits go in and
walk up to the bar.*
Butterbur: Welcome to Bree. If you want Hobbit rooms, here’s a shovel. Now, who are you?
Pippin: My name is... (Sam shut Pippin up by hitting him on the back)
Frodo: (pointing at Pippin) His name is... ummm... let me think... its
Fred... Drunk-master. He’s (pointing at Merry) James T. Kirk and
finally (pointing at Sam) he’s ummm... he’s Sam Beckett and I’m...
Sam: Frodo Underpants!
Frodo: That's Underhill, you... you... ohhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam: Ha, can’t even come up with a good insult without making the film
R-rated. It doesn’t matter anyway, since we won't be able to keep up
the pretense for more than a minute anyway.
Frodo: Oh, by the way, where’s Gandalf?
Butterbur: Who? Oh, that old dude wearing gray and has a long beard and a pointed hat and can bend metal with his mind.
Frodo: Yep, him.
Butterbur: Haven’t seen him since he was in X-Men. But the sequel is coming out next year, I think...
Frodo: Oh no! (turns to the other Hobbits)
Sam: What do we do?
Merry: Well, now that we got the evil ring, we're being chased by a
bunch of super-powerful Dementors, there's only one thing to do.
Pippin: Get drunk?
*The Hobbits sit at a table and drink. The telephone rings*
Butterbur: (picking up phone) Yes?
Person on phone: I’m looking for a person named Dover. First name Ben?
Butterbur: Hold on. (yells out) Hey, is there a Ben Dover here? HEY,
PEOPLE, BEN DOVER! (everyone bends over) Wait a minute, you’re that
prank caller. If I get my hands on you, I’m gonna... *says some very
bad things into the phone then hangs up*
Butterbur walks over to the Hobbits with drinks.
Frodo: Thanks, you didn’t tell us that you were Hagrid from Harry Potter...
Butterbur: (in best Hagrid voice) What r u lookin’ at? (Walks away)
Sam keeps looking at the door.
Frodo: Sam, Gandalf will be here!
Sam: That not what I wanted to see, I was seeing if the restroom was
clear... just in case we have to drag Pippin “Fred Drunk-master” Took
Merry comes back with a big mug.
Pippin: What is that?
Merry: This is a Pint.
Pippin: It comes in Pints? Then I’m getting one so that I can say are real names in a plot twist...
Sam: NO! Pippin! (Sam points at the corner) Ok, Frodo that old dude in
the corner is staring at us! Why doesn’t he just take a picture, it’ll
Frodo: (stopping Butterbur) Who is that guy in the corner?
Butterbur: He’s the heir of Gon... No! He’s the Wicked Witch of the Northwest, a Ranger. His name is Ara... Strider!
Frodo: Strider... hmmm...
Sam: You know what could be ironic if that Strider dude turned out to
be a very important person to the plot and a major character.
Frodo: Sam, did you eat those ironic-inducing mushrooms again? ‘Cause
your imagination is running wild. No one but J.R.R. Tolkien could ever
think up that... oh, I forgot, he wrote the book...
Sam: You wanna know what is also ironic? Pippin is drunk and about to tell your real name to everyone up there...
Frodo begins to hold the Ring and it talks to him.
The Ring: Hey, Baggins gimmie the ring back.
Frodo: How am I supposed to give yourself back to yourself?
The Ring: Ummmm... BAGGINS!
Pippin: (drunk at the bar) Yeh, I know a Baggins, Frodo Baggins. He’s
my second cousin, once removed from his mother’s side. He’s also my
Uncle; I don’t know how that happen... he’s also my sister too...
Frodo: Oh, Pippin! (grabs Pippin)
Pippin: Hey watch it! (Pippin throws Frodo back. Frodo trips over
someone’s foot and falls to the ground. The Ring goes flying and land
on Frodo’s finger. Frodo disappears)
Everyone: WHAT THE...!!!!!!!!!