The Fellowship of the Ring Parody
Introduction & Part 1
*Black screen, Galadriel starts speaking*
Galadriel: (voice over) Why the heck am I doing this scene? There’s no prologue like this in the book!
*Opens to scene of rings being forged*
Galadriel: (voice over) Well, a long time ago in a galaxy, I meant
world, far, far, away, alot of rings were forged for some dumb reason.
Three for the Elves, including me, nice ring! Go with the dress. Seven
for some tiny dwarfs...
The Seven Dwarfs: Who you callin’ a tiny dwarf? You wanna piece of me! Well, do you?
Galadriel: (voice over) Bug off! And nine for Men. Why do we call them
men, there called Humans! Well anyway, these rings were yada, yada,
yada a whole bunch of Hobbit droppings!
*Shows map of Middle-Earth and Mordor.*
Galadriel: (voice over) Now, somebody by the name of Sauron saw that 19
rings were made and since he didn’t like 19, so he made a 20th ring.
*Shows scene of Sauron making a ring*
Sauron: I shall call this The One Ring. Ha, with this ring, I shall rule the world!
Galadriel: (voice over) Sauron took over the world. In doing so, he
ticked off Elrond, Elendil and Isildur. They desided to go to Mordor
and talk things out.
*Shows scene of Men and Elves coming up to Mount Doom and fighting with Orcs.*
Orcs: PLEASE, KILL US ALL!
Elrond: Aright, (in Elvish) KILL THEM BOYS!
*Alot of Orcs are killed*
Elendil: Yay, we won! (dances)
Sauron: Not today... look at my mace.
*Sauron begins to wipe out army. Knocks Elendil into the rock face.*
Elendil: Avenge my death...
Sauron: Your Isildur, right boy?
Isildur: Yes I am. Now, i’m going to take my Dad’s sword...
Sauron: ...and break it. (steps on sword and breaks it into 6 pieces)
Isildur: I paid alot for this sword! Your gonna pay for it! Or...
Sauron: Or what boy? (holding out hand)
Isildur: Ummm... CHOP YOUR FINGERS OFF! (cuts Sauron’s fingers off including the one with the One Ring)
Sauron: (crying) Why did you do that. (Sauron runs back to Barad-dur crying.)
Isildur: Hmm... he left his ring here. Nice writing on it, i’m gonna take it.
Galadriel: (voice over) The ring came to Isildur, who could’ve
destroyed it, but Men liked shiny objects. So, he took it in payment
for the broken sword. 2 years pass...
*Isildur and several of his men were walking through Gladden Fields*
Isildur: La, la, la, la, la. Nice cloudy day, huh?
Orcs: Yeh, FOR AN ATTACK!
Isildur: Ahhhh. Its this stupid ring. Sauron will not get off my back
about it. I’ll put it on (goes invisible) Cool! Now, I will run like a
coward into a river. (runs into the Anduin River) Ah, my ring! I hope I
don’t get shot...
Orcs: Too late! (shoots Isildur)
Isildur: (thinking) Ah, man! I hope they pull my body of the this river.
Galadriel: (voice over) And that was the end of Isildur. The ring laid
on the bottom of this river bed for 2,461 years. Until Gollum found it.
Well actually, someone under the name of Deagol finds it but Gollum
*Shows the Misty Mountains.*
Gollum: My Precious!
Galadriel: (voice over) It gave Gollum long life. He had the ring for
(gets out calculator) 478 years. Until the book The Hobbit. That when
Bilbo Baggins gets it.
*Show young Bilbo Baggins taking a ring off the ground.*
Bilbo: Cool, a ring. I’m going to marry some one now! YO, GOLLUM, I TAKING YOUR RING!
Galadriel: (voice over) And that how hobbits become the basis of the book and this movie...
*Opens to overview of Map of Middle-earth and pulls back to see Bag End inside.*
Bilbo: This is The Shire bah, bah, bah, yada, yada, yada its part of
Middle-earth. Today is September 22nd, 1400 by Shire-reckoning... I
wonder what that is in BC? Well, anyway I’m writing a book and...
well... where to begin? I can’t remember, I’ll check out the script.
(Haws up a very big bunch of paper, drops it on the desk and breaks it)
Oh that's just great! PETER, I BROKE THE DESK! Anyway, I have to write
the Concerning Hobbits Prologue from the book...
*Show scenes of hobbits gardening, eating, cleaning out their ears, and picking their noses. Knock on Bilbo’s door.*
Bilbo: I’M BUSY! SO BUG OFF!
Knock on door again.
Person at the door: I selling you some good land! Don’t pass it up!
Bilbo: Frodo, answer the door... Frodo? FRODO!
*Cuts over to scene of Frodo Baggins reading under a tree. He hears somebody singing on a wagon.*
Gandalf: “I can’t believe I’m singing this stupid song. I hope it ends soon or somebody interrupt me. I SAID INTERRUPT ME!”
Frodo: You’re late! You should turn yourself into a sundial next time, so you know what time it is!
Gandalf: A wizard never late, Frodo Baggins, because I can stop time and arrives anytime I want to!
Frodo: Ok, whatever you say, Dumbledore...
Gandalf: Frodo, you’ve been reading too much Harry Potter again... (laughs)
Frodo: Its good to see you again! (jumps into Gandalf’s arms)
Gandalf: Yo, Frodo, watch it. Your not a light Hobbit anymore...
Frodo: Oh, I see. You calling me fat?
Gandalf: No... Forget it...
*Wagon starts to move again.*
Gandalf: So’s how Bilbo? I heard he lost his mind again...
Frodo: Between you and me... Bilbo’s lost it for good. Like the time he claimed he went to fight a dragon...
Gandalf: That really happen! Haven’t you read The Hobbit?
Frodo: Yes, but Bilbo claimed he pulled off “The Harry Potter”, fighting the dragon on a broomstick...
Gandalf: Dumb Bilbo...
*Gandalf and Frodo’s wagon passes the party site.*
Gandalf: Ah, yes, the party. Is it true he invited the Shire?
Frodo: Yes, that’s a whole heck of alot of beer, cake, and portapottys!
Gandalf: FRODO, NEVER SWEAR LIKE THAT AGAIN!
Frodo: Sorry, here come the kids...
Bunch of Hobbit kid come running along.
Hobbit Kids: Gandalf, buy some girl scout cookies! Pleaseeeeee?
Gandalf: Hold on, if Hobbits are 3 1/2 feet tall, then the kids would
have to be 1 foot? This will shut them up! (shoots fireworks off)
Frodo: Gandalf, that was not nice. Anyway, I gotta go. Bye!
Gandalf: Yeh, get out of here. (Frodo leaves) Wait a minute, did this
scene happen in the book? (gets out copy of book) I can’t find it. It