Just Sleeping

by Linaewen
Well, you may think it a matter of questionable taste to do a conversation with Boromir "over his dead body" but a few things came to mind after seeing him at the Boston Exhibition, and once a conversation with Boromir gets ahold of me, it never lets me go...

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Linaewen is trying to work on the next chapter of her inkling, but is finding it hard to concentrate. She keeps looking at her watch, then at the door. Finally, she hears the sound of booted feet in the entryway and heaves a sigh of relief; she quickly returns to her writing, trying to make it seem as though she has not been watching and waiting.

Boromir enters the room slowly and stiffly, rubbing his back. He lowers himself carefully into his Lazy Boy recliner with a loud groan.

Lin: (in a slightly accusing voice, since Lin always sounds testy when she has been anxious) I've been waiting and waiting! You are late!

Boromir: (sternly) A Son of Gondor is never late, my dear Linaewen! He arrives precisely when he means to -- or at least, as soon as he can free himself from his duty!

He utters another groan as he stretches and flexes his arms and legs.

Boromir: And what a duty!

Lin: (consolingly) Rough day at the Exhibition?

Boromir: Indeed! I have never been one to mind being the center of attention, but being on display for such a long time has taken its toll. It was very well to be admired by so many weeping women, but even that got tedious after awhile. Do you realize how difficult it is to lie in one of those Elven boats in the same position all day long, pretending to be dead? Unsinkable are those boats, yes -- but also incredibly uncomfortable!

Linaewen makes a sympathetic noise.

Boromir: More than that, I believe I failed to be convincing. Many who came by -- and believe me, there were hundreds of them -- commented on how I lifelike I looked. (scowling) Lifelike! It was my intention to look dead! Yet it seems I merely managed to look as though I was just sleeping!

He heaves a great sigh and rubs the back of his neck, trying to make himself comfortable in the Lazy Boy; but it is impossible.

Boromir: (muttering) I am a fool; why am I in this recliner anyway? The last thing I need to do now is to recline!

Boromir rolls out of the chair and and begins to pace the room.

Boromir: I had no idea the task would be so dull. I swear to you, if I hear one more person exclaim, "He looks like he is sleeping!" or "He looks so real!" or "My! Doesn't he look remarkably like Mr. Linaewen from this angle?" -- I believe I shall do something rash!

Lin: (patting Boromir on the shoulder) Now, now, don't be hasty, Boromir. You did look so very real, as if you were sleeping, about to wake up at any moment! And as for looking like Mr. Lin... well... it's true, you know. You did! Even Son of Lin thought so! And from more than one angle!

Boromir's only response is another groan.

Lin: Actually, to tell you the truth, I am glad you did not look dead; I'm not sure I could have handled it. It was quite a strange feeling to approach the boat for the first time, not knowing what I would see or how you would look... I didn't want to make a scene, though I had my tissue handy... I was glad Agape4Rivendell was there already at your side, so I had a friend handy in case it was all too much for me. But I was fine!

Boromir: Were you? I thought I saw a tear or two -- but I may have been mistaken. My eyes were closed...

Lin: Those tears were for sheer excitement at finally being able to see you! I could hardly believe that after 30 years of following your exploits, I was actually seeing you "in the flesh." I've been on pins and needles for months with the anticipation!

Boromir: Well, if that is the case, then why did you not come over immediately upon entering the Exhibit Hall? I waited and waited...

Lin: Well, er, yes, I did delay a bit. I was quite overwhelmed by it all at the beginning and hardly knew where to look first. And also I didn't want people to think I was a total Boromir fanatic who cared for nothing else -- I thought I should at least look at Frodo's costume first, and maybe a few of the other displays, before I started hanging out by your boat...

Boromir: So you don't think your T-shirt gave away the fact that you are a Boromir fanatic? The one that read: "Boromir Lives -- I Don't Care What Tolkien Says!"

Lin: (giggling) Well, yes, I suppose it did sort of set the tone, didn't it? I almost believe the other people in the Hall were making room for me at your side everytime I turned up for another look, because of that shirt! Oh, and wasn't it nice of that sweet museum attendant to warn me and Seansbeanie -- who happened to be wearing an identical T-shirt -- not to be too overcome if we hadn't seen the Boromir exhibit yet? As if we hadn't been oggling you every five minutes or so already!

Boromir: How many times did you stop by for a visit? I lost track.

Lin: (hemming and hawing) Er, well... it was quite a few times. I had to be sure I had a good look, you know. There was a lot to take in. I had to inspect your costume from all angles, and your shield and sword and cloven Horn, and the embroidery on your tunic, the dirt on your face...

Boromir: So what did you think? Did I pass the test?

Lin: (with a huge satisfied sigh) You looked marvelous!

Boromir looks relieved.

Boromir: Did you eventually get to see the other displays?

Lin: Oh, yes, I saw everything several times over, when I wasn't pretending to nonchalantly pass by your resting place... Let's see, I spent a lot of time looking at Gimli's armor and weapons with Son of Lin -- I met Samwisegirl there a couple of times, too, as I recall. Seansbeanie and I had to push our way forward through the crowd of Aragorn fans to look at the Shards of Narsil, but we managed it without being too rough.

Boromir: Ah, the Shards of Narsil! The Blade that cut the Ring from Sauron's hand! Still sharp?

Lin: I suppose so, though I had no opportunity to test it myself. Let's see, what else? I made a general nuisance of myself asking my friends if they'd gone over to see you yet, but they were patient with me. Tari made sure I noticed Legolas' costume, and both NorthStar and I admired it, until she caught sight of Theoden's armor, and then she was gone. AuntKimby called my attention to Sam's pack with the hobbit-sized pans, which was fascinating! Treebeard was very impressive, as was Lurtz! It gave me quite a turn to see him looming over me like that! And the Cave Troll -- I had no idea how big he truly was! I'm not surprised you were disgusted at the prospect of having to fight one there in Moria.

Boromir: Yes, it really was just about the last straw, as far as I was concerned. Ruined my day.

Lin: It really was a fantastic experience, which I'll never forget. But being with my friends and seeing you was the highlight.

Boromir bows and kisses Linaewen's hand.

Lin: Well, I guess you are feeling better now! Do you think you can help me with the next chapter of our inkling, then? I'm having a bit of trouble with writer's block...

Boromir: As you wish; I am feeling better, and since I've had nothing to do for days but lay in a boat and think about not being dead, I'm full of ideas.

Lin: Very good.

As they settle down to work on the writing, there is a sudden loud sound of a stomach growling.

Lin: (looking amazed) Was that you?

Boromir: Indeed it was. I fear I am feeling bit hungry. They left me no lembas bread -- which would have sustained me, a grown man, for an entire day...

Lin: Well, naturally, it would have given away the show if you had had lembas in your hand! Go get something to eat, I can wait! And take something with you to snack on during your next tour of duty... string cheese or something sustaining like that...

Boromir: A good plan. I do like cheese.

Boromir heads for the kitchen as Linaewen picks up her pen and notebook. Before he reaches the door, however, Boromir turns back, as if he has had a sudden thought.

Boromir: Perhaps it would be wise to tell your friend NorthStar.. er, Theoden's Tart.. er, your friend NS that if she comes by again for another tour of the Exhibit with her family, to bring me some of those Oreos she keeps at her house. I like those -- very sustaining, much better than lembas. And they go well with string cheese.

Lin: Oreos it is, I'll make a note of it.

Boromir: (as he leaves the room to rummage in the fridge for cheese) A body gets hungry with nothing to do all day but lay about and look dead...