The New Guy on the Shelf

by Linaewen


Super Poseable Boromir is the newest arrival on the shelf of Linaewen's action figures. Boromir with Battle Attack Action and Boromir in Gondorian Armor attempt to make his acquaintance in the best way they know how -- by bragging.

BwBAA: Just so you know, I have the honor of being the eldest. I came to Linaewen as a gift from a dear friend, carried all the way to Pakistan and back in a suitcase. She is very fond of me and is often heard to say that I look just like Boromir. My shoulders are broad, my face is proud and stern, and my cloak swirls behind me in a most becoming fashion.

BiGA: Yes, but you tend to fall over unless you are balanced by that sword you borrowed from Aragorn King of Gondor.

BwBAA: (sighing) Yes, it is unfortunate that I cannot have my own weapon. I have given it to Aragorn in exchange for Anduril, which being longer is just what I need to balance me properly. Now I can stand without falling.

SPB: (speaking for the first time) Does Aragorn King of Gondor mind this exchange?

BwBAA: No, he simply could not manage it himself; he falls over if he has any kind of weapon in his hand. I think there is something wrong with his feet. We have agreed to trade -- no one notices that I carry Anduril, unless they look closely.

SPB: (turning to Boromir in Gondorian Armor) And what is it about you that is special?

BiGA: I came recently to the shelf of Linaewen, sent by another dear friend when all hope of finding me in the toy store had left Linaewen's heart. My armor is finely detailed, my face looks remarkably like that of that Sean Bean fellow, and I only require a little propping in order to stand tall as a hero should.

Boromir in Gondorian Armor fiddles with his cloth cloak, trying to drape it so that the thinness of his chest does not show.

BwBAA: You would stand up better if your shoulders were broader, like mine.

BiGA: Lay off the shoulder thing! Is it my fault that the makers put all their effort into my face and forgot to broaden my shoulders?

BwBAA: Sorry. Your face is good, no doubt about it.

Feeling they have properly established themselves in the eyes of the newcomer, the two Boromirs begin to ply Super Poseable Boromir with questions.

BwBAA: So, tell us the tale of how you came to our shelf.

SPB: (striking a magnificent pose) I was not sent by a friend, rather I was found unexpectedly at Toys R Us, the only Boromir in the store. Linaewen had been searching high and low for me, but had no hope that I would ever come to a toy shelf near her. She entered the store on a whim that day. She did not see me at first; she was distracted briefly by Deluxe Eomer, and her son nabbed me off the shelf before she could get ahead of him. There was a brief tussle before she imposed her will upon him and demanded he hand me over. I believe he was simply teasing her anyway, knowing she has dibs on all Boromir action figures.

BiGA: Ah, so that is why she is so pleased with you -- she found you unexpectedly in the store herself and paid money for you. That is almost as great an honor as being given as a gift.

SPB: Indeed! I believe she is also quite taken with my realistically handsome expression, my greatly detailed outfit which includes a dagger in addition to my other weapons, my general superposeableness, and the fact that I can stand up without propping... usually.

BwBAA: (admiringly) Your outfit is rather better than mine -- more realistic, in fact. The mud stains look marvelous!

BiGA: The mud stains are indeed well done. Why, even your shield has mud on it! And you have a smudge on your face as well.

SPB: Yes, I do have a look of being in the midst of battle. I, too, like the effect of the mud on my shield. Alas! I cannot grip my shield as Boromir with Battle Attack Action can. My superposeable hand is too flexible for that.

BiGA: (grumbling) I, unfortunately, do not have a shield or a dagger. But my armor is better suited for stray arrows from Lurtz or the Haradrim Archer.

SPB: (reaching for his dagger) Haradrim Archer? Where? Are we in danger of attack?

BiGA: He is over there at the other end of the shelf. It would seem Helm's Deep Legolas (with Shield Skateboard) has him well in hand.

BwBAA: (uttering a muffled curse) No! Legolas (with Shield Skateboard) has fallen and he can't get up!

Boromir with Battle Attack Action shakes his head sadly.

BwBAA: These slender fellows simply do not seem to be able to stay on their feet. But fear not; there is no danger from the Haradrim Archer. He cannot master his bow; whenever he tries to nock an arrow to the string, he falls down. Of greater danger to us by far is Linaewen's son, who comes frequently and switches our gear around to see if Linaewen notices.

BiGA: Yes, I find it quite irritating to have to wear Frodo's Orc armor. I cannot see a thing in that helmet!

SPB: I shall be on my guard for Son of Lin, then.

Even as he speaks, they hear the sound of footsteps approaching. The slight tremor in the floor causes Linaewen's remaining action figures to fall on their faces; only the three Boromir's remain standing.

Linaewen: (entering the room) Ah, there you are, my fine fellows! And still standing, too, I see. Excellent! Come, I need all three of you to help me with a story I am working on.

Boromir with Battle Attack Action leans forward and whispers so that only Boromir in Gondorian Armor and Super Poseable Boromir can hear.

BwBAA: That is what I like about Linaewen -- when it comes to Boromir action figures, she never plays favorites!