The New Guy on the Shelf
by Linaewen
**Super Poseable Boromir is the newest arrival on the shelf of
Linaewen's action figures. Boromir with Battle Attack Action and
Boromir in Gondorian Armor attempt to make his acquaintance in the best
way they know how -- by bragging.**
BwBAA: Just so you know, I have the honor of being the eldest. I came
to Linaewen as a gift from a dear friend, carried all the way to
Pakistan and back in a suitcase. She is very fond of me and is often
heard to say that I look just like Boromir. My shoulders are broad, my
face is proud and stern, and my cloak swirls behind me in a most
becoming fashion.
BiGA: Yes, but you tend to fall over unless you are balanced by that sword you borrowed from Aragorn King of Gondor.
BwBAA: (sighing) Yes, it is unfortunate that I cannot have my own
weapon. I have given it to Aragorn in exchange for Anduril, which being
longer is just what I need to balance me properly. Now I can stand
without falling.
SPB: (speaking for the first time) Does Aragorn King of Gondor mind this exchange?
BwBAA: No, he simply could not manage it himself; he falls over if he
has any kind of weapon in his hand. I think there is something wrong
with his feet. We have agreed to trade -- no one notices that I carry
Anduril, unless they look closely.
SPB: (turning to Boromir in Gondorian Armor) And what is it about you that is special?
BiGA: I came recently to the shelf of Linaewen, sent by another dear
friend when all hope of finding me in the toy store had left Linaewen's
heart. My armor is finely detailed, my face looks remarkably like that
of that Sean Bean fellow, and I only require a little propping in order
to stand tall as a hero should.
**Boromir in Gondorian Armor fiddles with his cloth cloak, trying to drape it so that the thinness of his chest does not show.**
BwBAA: You would stand up better if your shoulders were broader, like mine.
BiGA: Lay off the shoulder thing! Is it my fault that the makers put
all their effort into my face and forgot to broaden my shoulders?
BwBAA: Sorry. Your face is good, no doubt about it.
**Feeling they have properly established themselves in the eyes of the
newcomer, the two Boromirs begin to ply Super Poseable Boromir with
questions.**
BwBAA: So, tell us the tale of how you came to our shelf.
SPB: (striking a magnificent pose) I was not sent by a friend, rather I
was found unexpectedly at Toys R Us, the only Boromir in the store.
Linaewen had been searching high and low for me, but had no hope that I
would ever come to a toy shelf near her. She entered the store on a
whim that day. She did not see me at first; she was distracted briefly
by Deluxe Eomer, and her son nabbed me off the shelf before she could
get ahead of him. There was a brief tussle before she imposed her will
upon him and demanded he hand me over. I believe he was simply teasing
her anyway, knowing she has dibs on all Boromir action figures.
BiGA: Ah, so that is why she is so pleased with you -- she found you
unexpectedly in the store herself and paid money for you. That is
almost as great an honor as being given as a gift.
SPB: Indeed! I believe she is also quite taken with my realistically
handsome expression, my greatly detailed outfit which includes a dagger
in addition to my other weapons, my general superposeableness, and the
fact that I can stand up without propping... usually.
BwBAA: (admiringly) Your outfit is rather better than mine -- more realistic, in fact. The mud stains look marvelous!
BiGA: The mud stains are indeed well done. Why, even your shield has mud on it! And you have a smudge on your face as well.
SPB: Yes, I do have a look of being in the midst of battle. I, too,
like the effect of the mud on my shield. Alas! I cannot grip my shield
as Boromir with Battle Attack Action can. My superposeable hand is too
flexible for that.
BiGA: (grumbling) I, unfortunately, do not have a shield or a dagger.
But my armor is better suited for stray arrows from Lurtz or the
Haradrim Archer.
SPB: (reaching for his dagger) Haradrim Archer? Where? Are we in danger of attack?
BiGA: He is over there at the other end of the shelf. It would seem
Helm's Deep Legolas (with Shield Skateboard) has him well in hand.
BwBAA: (uttering a muffled curse) No! Legolas (with Shield Skateboard) has fallen and he can't get up!
**Boromir with Battle Attack Action shakes his head sadly.**
BwBAA: These slender fellows simply do not seem to be able to stay on
their feet. But fear not; there is no danger from the Haradrim Archer.
He cannot master his bow; whenever he tries to nock an arrow to the
string, he falls down. Of greater danger to us by far is Linaewen's
son, who comes frequently and switches our gear around to see if
Linaewen notices.
BiGA: Yes, I find it quite irritating to have to wear Frodo's Orc armor. I cannot see a thing in that helmet!
SPB: I shall be on my guard for Son of Lin, then.
**Even as he speaks, they hear the sound of footsteps approaching. The
slight tremor in the floor causes Linaewen's remaining action figures
to fall on their faces; only the three Boromir's remain standing.**
Linaewen: (entering the room) Ah, there you are, my fine fellows! And
still standing, too, I see. Excellent! Come, I need all three of you to
help me with a story I am working on.
**Boromir with Battle Attack Action leans forward and whispers so that
only Boromir in Gondorian Armor and Super Poseable Boromir can hear.**
BwBAA: That is what I like about Linaewen -- when it comes to Boromir action figures, she never plays favorites!
