Linaewen's New Calendar

by Linaewen

Linaewen comes into the room and excitedly holds up a shopping bag.

Lin: Look what I got at K-Mart, for only $8! A 2004 Two Towers Daily calendar!

Boromir doesn't look up. He is lying back in a Lazy Boy recliner, leafing through Issue 3 of the Fanclub magazine.

Boromir: You will not like it.

Lin: Why not? (She rips open the package, gets out the calendar and starts paging through it.) These calendars are really well done. Wow, some of these are really nice shots!
A few seem to be a bit blurry, though; is that what you meant? Oh, this is a nice one of Eomer!

Boromir: (pointedly not looking at the calendar) You could not purchase a Fellowship of the Ring calendar this year?

Lin: No, unfortunately! I did look for one, but there was not one to be had. (She continues to look at the calendar page by page.) Hmm, I never saw that scene in the film...

Boromir: (sighing quietly) Are there any pictures of me in this one? Perhaps in the Balrog scene?

Lin: No, none of you, not yet. Oh, here's a really good one of Faramir.

Boromir, looking vaguely interested, comes around to look over Linaewen's shoulder.

Boromir: There should be at least one picture of me. After all, I was in the movie... quite a bit really... for someone who is supposed to be dead...

Linaewen murmurs something soothing, as Boromir continues.

Boromir: (grumbling) I suppose it is too much to hope for, since I got cut out of the Theatrical version.

Lin: Now, now. Don't be bitter.

Boromir: I am not bitter. At least, not very bitter. I am expecting great things from the Extended version of the film... Still nothing?

Lin: No...I hoped there might be, but...Ah, look at this one of Aragorn! (She holds the calendar up for Boromir to see.) It's a very clear shot of him wearing your leather armguards.

Boromir: Hmmm, yes... Keep looking.

They continue to look through the calendar, page by page, but at last they must face the truth.

Lin: Drat.

Boromir: So, cut out again.

Lin: Yes, it would seem so.

Silence reigns for a long time. Boromir turns away and, returning to his chair, picks up his magazine again.

Lin: (trying to sound cheerful) There are some very nice pictures of your armguards...

Boromir ignores her attempts to mollify him.

Lin: Well, it's still a nice calendar, and I do like it... (Boromir gives her a glaring look from under lowered brows.) But I have to admit, it lacks a certain 'something' without a picture of you in it.

Boromir smiles and calmly turns a page of his magazine.

Boromir: You could always take my pages you have collected from the old calendar and paste them over the pages of this calendar.

Lin: But... the days wouldn't match!

Boromir: No matter. It will only be slightly confusing. You do not look at the date anyway, just the picture.

Lin: (thinking) I don't know... Mr. Lin would have something to say about that, I expect. He's put up with quite a lot, really, what with all the talk of Boromir this, Boromir that... Boromir action figures, the Boromir wallpaper and screen savers on the
computer... I think it might be too much to ask to make him look at an altered TT calendar. I can just hear him now: "Hey, he wasn't in the film. Isn't he supposed to be dead? And what's this with the calendar?"

Boromir: (shrugging) As you wish, I care not.

Lin: (smiling bravely) Besides, it will be good for me to have a whole year's worth of calendar pictures that don't include you. Perhaps I'll finally be able to forget about you and move on!

Boromir and Linaewen look at one another steadily for a long moment. Suddenly, they break out into hysterical laughter.

Boromir: I fear not!

Lin: What was I thinking?!

They look at one another again.

Lin: Right.

Boromir: (getting up out of the chair) You seek out the old calendar pages from this past year.

Lin: Yes... and you fetch the glue and the transparent tape.

Boromir: Gondor will see it done!