It’s the start of week 2 in the Big Brother House and the housemates are adjusting to the loss of the first eviction – Gandalf. Over breakfast, Merry and Pippin seem in high spirits.
Merry: I’m glad he’s gone.
Pippin: Me too. He was far too bossy.
Merry: Yeah and I got bored of hearing about his fireworks after the 31st time.
Pippin: You made it to 31?
(In the bedrooms, Sam is less happy. He had obviously latched on to Gandalf and the loss of a friend is being coupled with a feeling of vulnerability.)
Frodo: What’s the matter, Sam?
Sam: It’s Gandalf, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo: You were friends?
Sam: Yes. And I feel a bit…open now so to speak, cause none of the others seemed to like him.
Frodo: Just make some new friends.
Sam: D’you think I should make friends with Legolas? I like Elves, Sir. But my infatuation with them isn’t a childish longing to see a fair and wonderful species.
Sam: No. I know everything about their history.
Sam: Yessir. Would you like to hear about their tea-bag shortage in ’39 by the Shire reckoning?
Frodo: Maybe later.
Sam: How about the Tea Cake scandal of ’47 by the Shire reckoning?
(Gimli is sitting in the garden, sunbathing with Boromir.)
Gimli: I think it’s good that he’s gone, to be honest.
Boromir: Me too. You know, he threatened to turn me into a sultana, you know.
Boromir: Oh yeah. He said he’d bake me into a batch of biscuits and feed me to the rest of the house.
Boromir: I know. So who do you like in the rest of the house?
Gimli: Oh, I don’t know. The little ‘uns are alright I suppose, but that Frodo’s ring is worrying me.
Boromir: I know. It’s been on my mind all weekend too.
Gimli: I mean, that’s the One Ring, that is.
Boromir: Isn’t that a website?
Gimli: Yes, but it must be based on something real, mustn’t it?
Boromir: I suppose.
Gimli: Will it help him win?
Boromir: I don’t know. If he uses it I suppose he could.
Gimli: Then we must stop him!
Boromir: But how?
Gimli: I don’t know.
Boromir: Wait a minute, I’ve got a plan…
Tuesday: Today, the housemates have put together their first shopping list and each member has been allowed to add three items each. Amongst those were platform shoes for Gimli, a badge for Aragorn which could be altered to alert others as to what name they were supposed to address him by today, some mushrooms and pipe-weed for Merry and Pippin and an encyclopaedia for Sam, which he left open pointedly at a page about quantum physics. Aragorn, who’s badge was fortunately set at ‘Aragorn’ today, is talking with Legolas as they secretly eat a few of Merry’s Mushrooms.
Aragorn: These are good mushrooms.
Legolas: I know. Straight from Farmer Maggot’s Farm, or so I’m told.
Aragorn: So tell me, what do you use to keep your hair looking so shiny?
Legolas: Oh well, I use Elf Head and Shoulders and then wait for five minutes, then I condition-
Aragorn: You’ve got to, haven’t you?
Legolas: Absolutely. Then I shampoo again, wait another five, ten minutes, then I condition again. And then, and this is the secret, I use water from Galadriel’s Mirror!
Legolas: Yes. I fill up an empty vodka bottle every time I go back. I’ve got plenty. Would you like some?
Aragorn: I’d love some.
Wednesday: This morning, Merry and Pippin went to the fridge to find that half of their mushrooms had been stolen.
Merry: I don’t believe it!
Pippin: Who could do such a thing?
Merry: Our mushrooms!
Pippin: Revenge must come of this!
Pippin: There’s one problem.
Merry: What’s that, then?
Pippin: Well, everyone else in here is about three feet taller than us!
Merry: We can’t let those big brutes stop the judicial progress.
Pippin: No, but they could stop our ageing progress.
(Sam is feeding the chickens outside and talking to Gimli, who is reading his favourite book, ‘A Tall Story’ in the garden.)
Sam: Of course, I could have invented this chicken feed, you know.
Gimli: What on Earth are you talking about?
Sam: This chicken feed.
Gimli: I’ve gathered that. What I’m mystified about is why you’re talking about it.
Sam: Well I’m just saying, you know, how I could do more than just this manual labour, I could actually invent this manual labour.]
Gimli: Well at least that’s clear. Now can I go back to reading my book please?
Sam: What’re you reading?
Gimli: I’m trying to read ‘A Tall Story’, alright?
Sam: Hmm. Well keep trying. I know there’s a lot of long words in there.
Sam: Anyway, I preferred the sequel, ‘A Small Story’.
Gimli: I didn’t. I found that an offensive, highly derived piece of shrivelled compost.
Sam: Really? It won the Booker though, didn’t it?
Gimli: Yes, but I prefer this one.
Sam: Fair enough. I could have written that.
Thursday: It is now the 11th day in the Big Brother House for the housemates and the pressure is beginning to show. There are a few egos developing and a showdown or two could be on the cards. Today is the day of their challenge. The housemates have to invent a useful household item and will be split into two teams. Team one, comprising of Legolas, Aragorn, Frodo and Merry, get to work designing a new kind of kettle, whilst Team Two, comprising of Gimli, Boromir, Pippin and Sam, create something that looks something like a litter-picker, you know one of those things that you buy at the fairground with shark’s head. They now present their finished items which they have made with equipment supplied by Big Brother, to the other team.
Legolas: This is a new kind of kettle.
Gimli: What’s wrong with the old kind?
Aragorn: Well, nothing, but this one’s…new.
Sam: I hardly think that the world needs a new kind of kettle.
Merry: Ah, but you haven’t seen what ours does.
Pippin: What does it do?
Frodo: It flies.
Boromir: It flies?
Sam: Why does the world need a flying kettle?
Gimli: I know! It needs a flying one like it needs a chocolate one!
(Team two start laughing riotously).
Aragorn: What’s wrong with a chocolate kettle?
Gimli: What do you mean?
Frodo: There’s nothing wrong with a chocolate kettle.
Boromir: You’ve made a flying chocolate kettle, haven’t you?
(There is a long silence.)
Merry: Maybe. Anyway, what’ve you made?
Sam: We have made…this!
Frodo: What’s that? Sam: I’m not entirely sure. It was Boromir and Gimli’s idea.
Boromir: Well, what it is, you see…is…
Gimli: It’s a device by which you can…pick up…
Gimli: Cabbages. Cabbages?
Boromir: Yep – you know…for all those times you need to…pick cabbages.
(Team One received 70% and Team Two received 59%. Team One got bonus points because, as both inventions were entirely useless, at least theirs gave them something to eat. During the presentations, Merry was sure he could smell mushroom on Aragorn’s breath.)
Friday: It is the end of week two in the Big Brother House. It is the very early hours. I would describe them as the wee small hours, but Gimli would probably sue. Boromir and the afore-mentioned Gimli are creeping along the corridor, towards Frodo's bedroom. They are carrying the device by which you can pick up cabbages. They silently push open the door and creep towards Frodo’s bed. Boromir takes the device by which you can pick up cabbages and leans towards Frodo, angling the head of the device towards Frodo’s neck!
Gimli: Slowly, slowly.
Boromir: I’m doing it slowly! Shut up!
Gimli: Okay. Shutting up…now. Slowly!
Boromir: I am doing it slowly! I thought you were shutting up!
(He puts the head of the device by which you can apparently steal rings around Frodo’s ring and lifts it gently away from it’s master.)
Boromir: Got it – move!
(They both shuffle out of Frodo’s room and disappear away down the corridor. Could it be that they designed the device by which you can pick up cabbages with the intent of stealing Frodo’s ring? Well yes, it seems so.)
(It is late afternoon, and eviction is on everyone’s minds again. The nervous wait has driven Aragorn and Legolas to eat the rest of Merry’s Mushrooms. They are eating quietly on the sofa, when Merry and Pippin sneak in behind them.)
Aragorn: Merry! Pippin! What a pleasant surprise!
(He throws the mushrooms to the floor and Legolas brushes some away from the corner of his mouth.)
Pippin: I knew it was you two! I could smell it!
Merry: Yes, you didn’t think you’d get away with it forever, did you?
Aragorn: Well actually, I thought that maybe we would-
Pippin: Shut up! Just so you two know that neither of us will trust you two ever again!
Pippin: Well, maybe we could let ‘em off for Christmas and selected holidays-
Merry (loudly): Ever!
Aragorn: Wait a minute – Merry stole everyone’s ice-cream!
Legolas: Hah! So you are no better than us.
Merry: Right. We’re even then.
Pippin: No we’re not, I haven’t been able to steal anything yet.
Merry: Shh! You’re with me. And we’re all quits. But we’ll be watching you!
Aragorn: And us you!
Pippin: I’m not fine-
Merry, Aragorn and Legolas: FINE!
So it is the end of Week 2 and what an eventful week it’s been. Feuds are now cropping up faster than Farmer Maggot’s weeds and the tension between the housemates is unbelievable. There were a few sticky moments when Sam started ignoring Legolas and then remembered that they weren’t fighting at all. And so this is where you come in. Another housemate must go and it’s you who gets to do decide just who that will be. Cast your vote by putting the name under this post and there will be 3 chances to vote to make sure everyone has the chance. And don’t miss Gandalf’s side of the story during the voting, where you can find out what he thought of the other housemates, who he thinks will be voted off next and who in his opinion will be the overall winner. But for you, it’s time to decide. Make your vote count!
Week Two Eviction Night
What a week it's been in the Big Brother House. We've had arguements, stealing and flying chocolate kettles. And the world has been voting yet again in even more impressive numbers. 39 votes were cast - that's 15 more than last time! Thanks everyone! But now, we come to eviction. The world is biting it's finger nails, the housemates are waiting nervously and Aragorn is washing his hair with Legolas' recommended conditioner. It is all very exciting. The world has also been waxing lyrically...lyrically waxing...saying things about the housemates.
Rosie said: Boot legolas, hes *such* a pretty boy, always trying to make the others look bad.
The ranger trotter agreed, saying: Sorry to all those Legolas lovers, but he has got to go. how could Legolas steal Merry and Pipen's mushrooms. I love Legolas dearly, but the household needs Merry and Pippin's humour.
Sam came in for a lot (or should that be 'lotr') of criticism as well this week. Cadsuane said: Mmm. Well, I think Sam should go, as he is getting too bossy and show-offy!! thegreenwood added: Sam, although he'll probably tell us he 'could have won' this as well as everything else.
And finally, Aragorn took a few blows, with Gryster saying: Aragorn must go. The King is about to leave the building! ;) He got some very useful grooming tips from Legolas yet STILL hasn't washed his hair. Oh, and he takes shortcuts to other people's mushrooms...so long, ranger!
But who will be the housemate to make the walk of shame? Let's find out as we cross live to the house.
Big Brother: Can you all hear me clearly?
Sam: Yes of course we can, we're not stupid. Not me, anyway.
Others: We can hear you.
Big Brother: Good. The second person to leave the Big Brother House is...SAM!
Aragorn: I'm sorry, friend.
Sam: I don't believe this!
Frodo: Sam, calm down-
Sam: Oh shut up, 'Master' Frodo.
Big Brother: Sam, you have 30 seconds to-
Sam: I know, get my belongings and say goodbye, I know.
(Sam grabs his bags and makes straight for the door.
Sam: Well goodbye to you all! And good riddance! I could have woon this , you know.
Gimli: But you've been voted off-
Sam: Shut up, small fry!
(Gimli runs towards Sam, who then leaves the house and is gone forever. Gimli seethes for a while, but Aragorn makes some Quiche Lorraine so he calms down a bit and has something to eat.)
So, an explosive end to Sam's time in the house. The final voting results were: Sam 17, Gimli 8, Boromir 6, Aragorn 3, Legolas 2, Frodo 1, Merry 1 and Pippin 1. So a deluge of votes for Sam have seen him out of the competition and out of the house. But who will be next? Gimli and Boromir having stolen Frodo's ring, what will happen to the young halfling? And what will happen between Aragorn, Legolas, Merry and Pippin? Tune in to find out next week. And thanks again for the brilliant amount of votes. Keep it up for next week!